Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Monday, April 16, 2012

380 Choice

Today is another good day. Today I feel as though maybe I have made a little progress after all. I have a nice on-track day all planned, and then in come my co-workers with muffins, bagels, cake and fruit. I'm never overly full on ww and I LOVE bagels--but today for once, I felt as though I had a choice.  I felt as though I could have the bagels and muffins if I wanted--I can--if I just want to maintain. Lots of my skinny co-workers did--and that's fine--they will either maintain, gain a little or work it off.  I really don't want to maintain today so I chose not to eat the bagels and muffins even though they looked great.
This feeling is so different. In the past my feeling has always been that I'm supposed to skip the goodies because I'm fat. So the choice was either skip it--which makes me feel deprived and angry or eat it out of rebellion which makes me feel empowered and satisfied but also discouraged because clearly I'm never going to lose the weight. It's an empowering feeling to know that I really can have the bagel.  Just like any other skinny person--I said no because I just didn't want to deal with the work bagels and muffins entail.
I'm getting there---no resentment or deprivation today. Just a little normal choice like thousands of other little normal choices in all aspects of life.
Today I'm grateful for:
Big bagels with veggie cream cheese--will be having one of those for the marathon b-fast
That the world is full of fantastic food
New receipes--tonight will be trying HG onion rings
Spring--beyond beautiful
That God is in charge (I'm often grateful for this, but don't say so nearly enough)
That my daughter is not only smart and beautiful but a wonderful person too.
My spoiled cats and a fenced backyard

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