Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Thursday, August 15, 2013


Yay!  Well and truly done with flavor point. Did it help? Did I learn anything?  Well....yes and no. No doubt the pounds will come back as easily as they left---I knew it was water weight, but it's still disappointing.  I want to add more olive oil to things, but it's going to take a little time to remember to do it. Still, an easy habit.  And it felt good, in a weird way, to eat lightly.

Today we had a breakfast buffet at work, so I'm not hungry for lunch. Still, it's lunchtime and I'd like to eat something even though I'm not really hungry.  I think instead of eating the full blown lunch I brought, I'm going to just nibble on some things--it will be less calories, be what I want (the green salsa was great) and hopefully weaken the habit that says its 12:30, I MUST eat.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Well, someone lost 30 pounds

Oh my poor girl!! She had her gall bladder out and is having complications. She's having a stomach biopsy today.  She says she's lost 30 pounds!!!! I suppose like all Mom's I'd rather have had the sickness for her.  Plus, I had the 40 pounds to lose, while she doesn't really.  This is a test of faith all around.

Meanwhile, I plug on. Thankfully, my week on Flavor point is done and 5 pounds are gone. I'm easing back into my real normal life of calorie counting with the idea of losing just 2 pounds a month.  I'd love it if I could hit 194 this month---that would catch me up!  The plan for this week is to eat breakfast and lunch according to the book, but have real dinners (hopefully smaller ones).

I went to Dad's banquet on Friday--happily it wasn't too heavy on the food---I was tired to death of glazed poultry---and they served glazed pork. Sigh, but it was good for me. I thoroughly enjoyed the chocolate cake.  Saturday, we went to the fair. I had a book-breakfast, but a gyro and a pretzel at the fair---not horrible choices, but more than I've been eating. For dinner we had meatloaf because I wasn't about to eat more glazed chicken. But I ate a small serving.  Yesterday, we went to Dad's for Lisa's birthday. The dinner wasn't too impressive. A grilled ham and cheese and potato salad. Then Kristin brought a chocolate cake.  Not on plan, but well withing normal eating standards.

Today, I got up early, stressed about about Catherine and also Riley. So I walked for 1/2 and hour before work.  Today is tomato day. A funny day I think.  It's fine for me, but it would NOT be fine for Dave. Three meals and two snacks all involving tomatoes would give him major indigestion. For dinner, in keeping with the tomato theme, we're having chicken enchiladas.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Thin in the 1800's

There's no doubt about it, I wouldn't have had any trouble being thin in the 1800's. Diet monotony really works--I'm down 5 pounds this week, and haven't really been hungry or afflicted with cravings. Will I stay on this road?? HECK NO!!!  I literally can't eat a salad every night---although left to myself I will eat one on most nights. And I don't care what you put on chicken--eventually, it's all the same meal--chicken with glaze. (Okay, I would say chicken with a rich sour cream sauce is a different meal, but for some reason, it's not on this diet).

So, I'm sure if I were Laura Ingalls, and had to eat porridge for breakfast and fish for dinner just about every day I wouldn't have a problem.

The most helpful thing this week really has been my mind-set. "Fasting with snacks" works for me. Because then I don't have meltdowns about the tiny portions.  Also, it's good to know those tiny portions usually work just fine. Especially since they often contain a little bit of oil and/or nuts.  All weight loss aside, my body is loving this program. It did NOT love weight watchers--giving me bladder problems along with weight loss. This was my fault I think. WW does tell you to eat a certain amount of healthy oil every day, but I didn't do it--opting to use my points for fats that are in cheeses. I think I really will try to make a point of cooking with olive oil or adding little bits of it to my permanent diet--but I will also try to eat a little bit less to accomodate this.

Ok---I take it back, today I AM struggling a little with hunger. This is no surprise, and not the diet's fault. I fasted yesterday for Catherine. And although, I had a good dinner--I'm not used to fasting without having a big meals the day before and I think my body is trying to make up for it. I'm going to get fed well though tonight!  I'm on plan for breakfast and lunch, but I'm going to a banquet with Dad tonight--and I'm looking forward to it.

The idea now is to ease back into normal life.  I've had my week jump-start and lost 5 pounds. Even though I know it's mostly water, it still feels good. Starting tomorrow, I'll stick to the plan for breakfast and lunches but have smaller regular dinners.  I actually cook quite healthy, it's just that I eat too much. On Thursday, I have a work breakfast, but I'll eat the book's dinner, because the mushroom chicken sounds really good.

So---the eternal struggle goes on. Is it worth it?  I think so. I don't weigh much--or even any less (I'm not about to check) than I did when I first started this blog 3 years ago.  But at least I don't weigh any MORE, and I've completed 4 half marathons. Not the success I'd hoped for, but sure a lot better than weighing 300 pounds!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Good silliness

The flavor point is going very well. I've already lost three pounds of water weight.  The mental notion of "fasting with snacks" really works for me.  I'm not resenting what to me looks like miniscule amounts of food. And, like I said the receipes are genuinely good. One things for sure though--I could never last the whole 6 weeks---a salad EVERY night? I'm already sick of them, esp since I often have a salad for lunch. On the other hand, it's true that I'm not really hungry--I didn't finish my lemon tabbuleh salad at lunch. But what's odd is that I don't really have crazy cravings for pizza either. This really is a healthy plan. One difference that I'll try to keep is the olive oil. In real life I use it incidentally--thinking I eat PLENTY of fat, I don't need more, but this is healthy fat. This diet uses it for both cooking and for the salads, and also uses some nuts. IT really works. I feel satisfied, and even though I wouldn't want to be this rigid for very long--I can tell that my body is happy.

Tonight we're having tilapia. Ick--fish. But tilapia isn't horrible and at least I can make some oven fries with it.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Flavor Point

Instead of true good behavior, I'm opting for a little silliness. There is a book called the Flavor Point Diet. I ran across it in Cedar Rapids and some of the receipes are quite good.  It's a semi-quack diet. The idea is that if every meal has a flavor in common (today is pineapple day) then your mind becomes fatigued with that flavor and you don't want as much food.  Maybe on some planets, but not in my world I bet.

It's not quite as quack as it sounds though---I mean, I'm not just eating pineapple today. Each day works out to be between 1400-1500 calories of healthy food. Of course anyone would lose weight. I think it's sounding appealing to me just now, because I'm frustrated with myself for weight gain, and I'm tired of counting calories. The idea of just eating what somebody else tells me to feels really good right now.  I don't expect to tolerate this for any real length of time, but I figure, it's healthy, I'll knock off a few pounds---ideally, I'll hang in there until I get back to at least 195. By that time I'll be excited to eat real food (meaning unplanned stuff I actually have in the house) and maybe I'll feel better about a more normal relationship with food.

For now though, I'm not minding much. Yesterday was fast Sunday. In my mind I'm thinking of this diet as "fasting with snacks."  And I must admit I'm not all that hungry today, even though I've eaten far less than usual. Here's today's menu:

Breakfast--1 cup kashi cereal
1/4 c pineapple juice
1/2 c milk

Snack--1/2 cup pineapple chunks

Lunch--chicken salad with walnuts and pineapple

Dinner--pineapple shrimp, bulger wheat, veggies, a green salad.

Dessert--carmelized pineapple rings.

See? Not bad--the chicken salad was really good actually, just not as much as I would choose to eat. Hence, it's a diet. Definitely NOT a lifestyle change.  Who would want to eat this rigidly for real? Just a quick fix and a little vacation from using my brains when it comes to food.

Friday, August 2, 2013

pizza and brownies

Not quite ready to behave yet. I had a healthy breakfast and lunch, but I also popped popcorn and brought the whole bowlful to work with olive oil (a ww trick I really like--although with more oil than recommended). I also had a little chocolate from the wedding reception.  It's been nice to feel really full all day. But I've also felt sleepy and annoyed with myself.  Tomorrow we're going up to Park City which means eating out--and, no, I really CANT make healthy choices at a restaraunt unless that's what I truly want, which is rare. sigh.

I think I'm going to make myself the chocolate brownies I've been craving tonight and see if that won't throw me into a better frame of mind to try try again.

Today though, I've been flooded with memories. I saw my best school friend yesterday. Back in the day, I really hero-worshipped her.  It seemed to me then that she was the prettiest and most fun and talented person in the world. Seeing her yesterday brought all of that back.  And you know what?  I was right. She is still pretty and talented and fun.  What I couldn't see back then was that there were many others in my class who were equally pretty etc. Including myself.  Despite being pudgy with braids and crooked teeth and being too tall and all the rest--I was cute. It was SOOO good to see her and to see us both in a more reasonable light----both of us stayed strong in the gospel and raised great kids. Both of us are truly beautiful people in every way. Why do we worry about weight so much? Is it really so important?

Grateful today--for dear friends, especially Louise, a hilarious letter from Catherine, a super fun mom and daughter who came in for advisement, that I can sleep in tomorrow, that I can make brownies tonight, that I have a break from the gospel doctrine lesson Sunday and that we're going to Disneyworld in November!!!!

Thursday, August 1, 2013


199. I'm disappointed and angry with myself. But at least I don't feel aggrieved. I mean---on weight watchers, I'd feel as though I'd work and starve for no reward. I went in the wrong direction in July, but at least it's no surprise why. I've got a wedding tomorrow. I'd really like to work harder in August and hit 195, except that I have a wedding reception tonight and I don't feel like working at all.  I feel like having a huge helping of brownies.