Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


I like not counting calories or having every morsel prescribed for me. But I don't trust myself or the system. Am I really eating fewer calories? Enough to lose weight? I don't know. But I think if I stay the course I'll definitely be healthier. I'm trying hard to remember the part about stopping when I'm full.  Also, visualizing throwing away food--which I did this morning. I had eggs with the egg burrito topping and it was FILLING.  (I also had 3 pieces of bacon which I am not mentioning here).  I threw away a good part of the eggs. It's 11:00 and I'm still full, but that doesn't mean I don't want to eat--I don't even know what I would want, it's just a new weird feeling to not want food, but want to eat out of habit. That's just something to keep working on.

Last night I tried making a new soup. Not great. I won't make it again, but I'll bring it tomorrow for a healthy snack. Because it wasn't great, I stopped eating a little earlier than I might have otherwise. I had a reeses egg for dessert. I was genuinely hungry last night, which is unusual for me. I had a small glass of milk and called it good.

Keep on! keep on! Lunch will be good today. leftover wontons! YUM! plus brown rice--so far is normal for me. I also added a slice of cheese--not a great choice, but normal for me. What is more unusual is adding the tomato and onion salad just for the purpose of adding more veggies. The idea is that with the tomato salad I will not need as much of the other stuff. But that means I have to stop when I'm full. Tricky! But I can do it. The thing I don't want to do that I'm afraid of is eating everything as usual PLUS a bunch of extra calories from grains and veggies. Healthy, yes. But buffalo eat plenty of grains and I don't want to look like that!

Monday, March 23, 2015

Lots of veggies

I seem to have lost my blogging mojo. But I'm trying hard with the veggies. I hope it will pay off.
Yesterday was Sunday, and I had my usual Sunday breakfast of 1 pancake, fruit and milk.
Lunch: a thin bagel with cream cheese, olives, carrots, baked chips and lite cheese dip (too much dip?) I also meant to eat a banana, but I forgot. Some chocolate almonds. Dinner was meatloaf. I did well. I took a big helping of sweet potatoes (one of the  blogs top foods) and a big serving of this eggplant stuff I made. that helped me to only eat one piece of meatloaf.  Dave made applesauce cookies---I ate 3 which was too many. But I'm trying. The big problem is always stopping when I'm full. But I think this is helping.

Today--I had oatmeal for breakfast, but I added some pureed sweetpotato and a few pecans.
Lunch: pizza pocket, sm. cabbage salad, beans w tomatoes.
Snack: a protein pack---140 cal of cheese, ham and almonds
Dinner: will be a butternut squash and bean soup--which should be perfect for full plate living.
Dessert might be a peanut butter egg.

Right now it's 4:45--I'm eating a plum and am definitely hungry.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

lots of veggies

So far so good. I'm liking this, but it's still an adjustment. I love the full plate living website though. It's not enough to just tell me to increase fiber. Apparently, I need really concrete examples of how to do that. Which they give plus receipes. But I'm proud of myself. Last night for dinner we had hotdogs and chips (baked). A marginal meal even by my standards, but I took the advice of the website, and made a quick waldorf salad, AND added carrots AND added a pickle. So I still had a hotdog, but I was ok with one hotdog and what was hopefully a modest amount of chips and dip.

Today I had oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast
zuchinini slices for snack
a ww tortilla with horseradish, a little cheese and lots of veggies, some homemade cheese dip from the healthy cooking mag and baked corn chips. I feel pretty good. I forgot to eat the soup--so I will if I'm hungry, and I was pretty satisfied to eat just one 3/4 of fabulous chocoates that Dave got me yesterday.
Dinner will be a challenge because it's not planned--it's leftovers, of which we have plenty. But the real challenge is that I'm tired and want a nap. It will take real effort if I'm still tired then. But I'll manage!

A few grateful things.

My sweet daughter.
My good job
My darling husband

I also found happify.com and I like the immediacy of their ideas. What has gone right today?

A really good nights sleep
Got the book To kill a Mockingbird (never read it!)
Got to give presentation to Crystal (one of my favorite people)
Psych chapter much easier than others--am finished studying for quiz.
Gorgeous day outside
I had that cheese dip---I love that stuff
Get to draw bulletin board. I love crafty stuff.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Full Plate Living

A couple things going on. The first is a scary one for me. My left knee is a mess. I can have a total knee replacement any time I want, but it would be better if I can hang on for as long as possible so the replacement has the best chance of outliving me. SO! The thing that has me wigged out is that I should be avoiding all weight bearing exercises such as WALKING. UMMMM---NO! Walking is the one exercise I really do a lot of. I credit walking for the fact that I don't weigh 300 pounds. I don't dare give it up. Besides, I really enjoy doing it. Instead of walking, I should do things like the elipitical or swimming. I hate swimming. But---there is an aqua aerobics class here right after work on Tues and Thur. I can at least get started by going on Thurs--except that I haven't been visiting teaching forever, and we can go tomorrow. Sigh. Campus also has elipticals. I'm just having problems getting there. The excuses are---I had a massive late night last night and genuinely needed a nap during wellness time today. On Friday, I have an appointment with a CPA that I absolutely need to get done. I will be riding the bike at home at least I guess. And I will keep walking to work and back as much as I can. I plan to walk all over Poland, and I won't be able to do that if I just waste away before hand. I can eliminate all jumpy types of exercise and not try to run, but I think that's as far as I want to compromise here. If I need surgery, I need surgery. And then I can get back to doing whatever I want.

Food-wise is discouraging. I don't seem to have the energy to carry on with my plan. BUT I have found the full-plate website. Their big thing is fiber. But what I like is that they are very concrete and gave many examples of meals before and after. The calories are greatly reduced. So a plate that looks like something I would eat has two pieces of lasagne, a green salad and two small pieces of garlic toast. The improved version has 1 piece of lasagne, a big squash and tomato salad and some other big fiber thing. The total was about 1/2 the calories. They also suggest eating an apple before every meal. I don't think I can keep that up forever, but it's helped. I've done well today and have been both full and satisfied.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Still out of whack but fighting.

Just back from a conference which was plenty ridiculous food-wise. The girl who came with me though is a good example. She didn't make a big deal of eating sensibly--she just did. Both people who were with me were very good at what I call simple eating. I don't do this well. I like to feast by which I mean the main dish AND several sides. I don't just want a slice of pizza, I want pizza, salad and breadstick. Not just a burger, but burger and fries. Not a peanut butter sandwich, but sandwich, chips and fruit. And naturally, dessert with everything. Exercise is still way off. I did manage some walking at the conference, but nothing really aerobic since before Christmas. Some of this is genuine sickness, and schedule conflicts, but this is waaaaay too much of a problem. Still fighting though.

Glad to be home, glad to be back to normal food (not much fruit at the conference). Glad to try again another day.