Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Friday, March 30, 2012

357 weird eggs

184 today. A pure gift. I don't feel I deserve it. Score another point for my underappreciated body--and score another for the super slow weight loss plan. I'm losing weight so slowly that my set-point is changing along with my weight. Yes, I had about 5 days of poor eating and very little activity, but I got back on track and my body, God bless it! seems to be recognizing that the 5 days is an abberation and is returning itself to what it thinks is normal. I want to support this--by eating right and moving--a happy cycle. It's finally spring and I've been able to walk to work again this week which I love to do--yesterday I tried a hungry girl slow cooker receipe--the meat was ready when I got home, but I needed to fix rice and eggrolls. I put the rice on and then did some gardening for about 45 min. It felt good and was good for me.

Today I have wellness time at work, but I don't want to go to the gym. I'm going to walk briskly around the duck pond for an hour. Dinner might be a little dicey--Catherine is coming home and she's showing us how to make pizza bombs. Not a great choice, but considerably better than delivery pizza.

Oh---and why I called this post "weird eggs." Another hungry girl winner. I overslept and I never feel like eating the instant I wake up--so I took 1/2 cup of egg substitute (wish that stuff were cheaper) and a laughing cow cheese (wish that stuff were cheaper too), to work--along with a lite bagel and fat free cream cheese. When I did get hungry--I put the egg stuff in a mug--cut the cheese into it and nuked it for 1 minute--stir, nuke again for 40 seconds and presto! Cheesy scrambled eggs! Not bad at all! The other day when I made it I threw some spinach and jalapeno in it and it was even better.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

356 Meb

I've been reading an inspiring book by elite marathon runner Meb Kaf..... called, Run to Overcome. He came from an extremely poor African village--they had to escape TO Sudan if you can imagine. His father was determined that all of his children would get an education and, by using an amazing work ethic and faith they did just that. Meb was a naturally fast runner and by applying the same work ethic became Olympic class.

If I want to eat the 4 to 5,000 calories that Meb does everyday, all I have to do is to get up and run 20 or so miles in the morning, then spend a few hours in the gym doing hard workouts in addition to that seven days a week.  Bearing that in mind I feel very grateful that I can actually eat half that amount (or more!) without doing nearly half the work and still not weigh even twice as much as he does (He only weighs about 127). Truly our bodies fight on our behalf. I love reading stuff like that--it makes me want to be a better person.

The following paragraph is from caloriecount.com's daily email. I really like this about deprivation--I accept this in every part of my life except food and I'm working on accepting it in food as well.

All in all, your weight is not the reason why you overeat. We all overeat from time to time and there are similar triggers for both normal and overweight individuals. The key to losing weight and keeping it off is in understanding that deprivation is a part of life. You can’t always get what you want. You’re not always going to be full, happy, or pain-free, especially on the way to correcting years of inactivity and unhealthy eating. Learning to cope with this fact will help you accept who you are, move towards becoming healthier without a feeling that you're missing out on something. As you continue to make better decisions little by little, you'll gradually replace bad habits with good ones which will eventually lead you to feed your true hunger which only you, not food, can do.

Yes! My gosh---You can't always get what you want!  Maybe I should repeat this 50 times a day. Actually--reveals a bit of the problem. Truly--I can't get everything I want--I can't not go to work, I can't buy everything or do everything I would want to---buuuuuuuut.....I CAN (at least almost) get all the food I want. No wonder food is so seductive--some measure of restraint is forced upon me in all other areas--but food is rich and plentiful and abundant and nothing but self-discipline prevents me from eating 24/7. I need to re-read that paragraph right now! Repeat--it's OK to not feel satisfied every minute of every day. It's OK to say NO. It's better than ok, it's beneficial.  Whatever happened to the seven deadly sins? Gluttony was one of them after all.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

355 Almost normal day

Back to work--I think everyone is relieved once they get talking to me over with the first time. Everyone is being very sweet and I appreciate it. I was here just a week ago but it feels like a lifetime--and it feels good to be back. On the whole this entire experience of death has been a kind and good one. But it IS nice to have a normalish day today with no unusual errands--just extra emailing and phone calls and choosing some flowers. I'm at work--it's a beautiful day and I walked, I want to run to the library after work, then fix dinner and relax with Dave. Food-wise is also normalizing again--I made my "baseball rolls" last night. Food went like this:
Breakfast--BB roll with butter, cottage cheese and peaches, diet hotchocolate.
Snack--about 1/3 of a package of trail mix
Lunch--a BB roll with butter, slice of cheddar cheese, 6 olives, 6 slices deli roast beef with cream cheese, lipton cup of soup. A slice of chocolate orange.
Dinner---probably spaghetti--heavy on the veggies, another roll (those things are addicting) and I might make a hungry girl chocolate peanut butter bread pudding.

I've been surprised at how physically exhausting all of this is. Yesterday I went to lunch--bought a few Easter things and just passed out at home. I was just thinking that I should take another walk tonight--I need to build up my mileage for the half marathon on April 21, but I think a full workday is enough--I'll rest tonight and work on mileage tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

354 to not want pizza

Ok--I finally found out what it takes to not want pizza. By late Saturday afternoon the end was obviously very near. Lisa had heard that sometimes people can't seem to die if people are around watching--so we all actually left the house for a few minutes and hung around in the yard. We had called Dominos pizza just before (WOW have they improved!) and provided quite a formidible reception for the poor pizza guy. Mom didn't pass then, but she DID pass about 1/2 an hour later when we were all (except Lisa) distracted by eating dinner. Lisa called us all over--and THAT is what it takes to shut down my addiction and make me not want to finish my pizza. If that's what it takes then I'd better find other resouces to control myself--which is really what this blog is about I think. I wish the appetite control had extended past the one meal. It's been nothing but eating out and rich meals all weekend. I took today off to get a little rest and am eating lunch out again with my good friend Kerri from Iowa, but it shouldn't be too much of a food disaster--it's a lovely day and I'll walk the 5k route and be back on track. The good news is that I want to be back on track--I'm beginning to dislike feeling heavy from overeating--that is new.

Today I'm grateful for my faith in Christ. That's why I can write a blog about food even after losing my dear mother. I miss Mom, I feel lonely for her and I tear up easily if anyone says anything kind--BUT, I'm not unhappy. I'm glad for her to be out of that body that was failing her, she is very much with me, I know I'll see her again and that I haven't really lost her. Best of all, I know that I know that. Death is perhaps the acid test of what we really believe. I wouldn't be able to be happy today unless my faith in Christ was genuine and powerful. He really is my best friend, even when I don't always remember it. And I feel today that I'm not worried or sad. I will always have my Mom. And thank goodness for that because I couldn't bear to lose her.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

351 whenever

Still waiting. Pauses between breaths is longer and longer. I'm just sort of sleeping and eating as I can and as opportunity presents. Stepped out twice for exercise--the first time took me to the new city creek area in SLC. Fabulous--I stopped at the new cheesecake factory and bought a slice for myself, Lisa and Kristin. Kristen brought Chinese food. So--ate way too many calories around 3, but didnt feel like eating anything else at least. Took another walk around my old neighborhood in the evening--might have sold Mom's house! I met two sweet missionaries from AZ they were taking pics of the old houses in this neighborhood and were so excited that I grew up in this one. They asked if we would consider selling?  Well, YES!!  I explained the situation and the one lady was really interested--we exchanged info--she was talking about being able to do without a realtor.  Wouldn't that be great if I could really sell this house quickly? God is very merciful. Maybe I wanted to walk where I did last night for a reason.  I saw the lady walking by again this morning. She even wants the cats!

For breakfast today I had a granola bar, milk and a banana. Lunch might be Subways. I'd like to take some more walks but I'll have to see how it goes.

Friday, March 23, 2012


Will likely decide today whether to allow Mom to ever wake up again. Impossible to prepare.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

349 old habits

I'm feeling better today--I slept really well and that always helps. At Mom's I was reminded just how fast old bad habits can re-surface--maybe especially since I was in my childhood home where those habits were originally grown.  I had a salad and a hotpocket and a sm. bag of chips for dinner. Fine. THEN I had two string cheeses, 3 slices of salami and a handful of wheat thins. Basically a second meal--Not Fine.

The weather is simply beautiful today--I am leaving an hour early so I could walk to work and back and still get to SLC at a reasonable time. I might not be blogging for a few days unless I can get onto Lisa's laptop.  I'm going to spend the night tonight and tomorrow. Pick up Catherine on Saturday night and take her back to Ogden and then I'll see. I have Monday off for the Disney auditions--and to take Catherine back to Provo. It'll be one day at a time for the next little while.  But I did make my healthy cheese tortellini last night before I went to bed and I have it for lunch today, so that's a good thing.

I also wanted to mention my mile the other day. A couple posts ago I ran two miles which about did me in. Well, the next day I decided to run just one mile and then do some bike. I did some of the mile at 4.8 and some at 5 mph. Still pitiful, but at least I finished with a sub-13 minute mile. It helps my self-respect a little bit.  It really wasn't that much harder (or faster), but I can't read at that pace. I just don't know how real athletes do it--it wasn't so much that I was tired, as that I was BORED. I couldn't wait to be finished. I'm going to have to figure out how to download books to my i-pod. Music has never satisfied me--it's MUCH better to work out with music than without, but a book is better still.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

348 Death

It's really here. Mom's cancer is finally putting an end to her life. We got her to Hawaii through pure miracle and now it looks as though she might not make it through the weekend. It seems strange to me that this blog is still about food--it seems incredibly shallow. But it's not through any lack of feeling that Mom's disease isn't the star of this blog. For one thing Dad and Christine's problems cause me much more genuine grief than death--which I perceive as a release and a good thing for Mom.  But the real reason is that this blog is about healing my relationship with food which has to happen IN my life not just around my life. I suppose it sounds as though I'm trying to rationalize my feelings.  I suppose I am  sort of.  I think I'm just surprising myself. I saw Mom last night and came home and had a good cry. Thought a lot about Mom and how much I'll miss her, but ALSO thought at least some about the iron man and if I should press on and if so how to do that.  Which shocked me that it would even cross my mind. Food-wise also---I'll be in SLC most of the rest of this week and however much of the next week that it takes and then there is the funeral and a thousand things. I'm coming up against a deeply rooted belief that this is NOT the time to be worrying about food and exercise. This would be true if I could truly manage my intake--I think most normal people would simply lose their appetites and act accordingly and therefore NOT have to worry about it. I can't do that yet. I do lose my appetite, but I still eat anyway more often than not. Also, as this blog shows there are endless opportunities that seem like very good reasons to me to not worry about food and exercise. The death of ones mother qualifies as a legitimate reason--but once I allow this where do I draw the line? When Catherine goes away? If the cat dies? If I lose my job? An earthquake? It seems funny to wonder about this when this whole blog is filled with overeating for things like vacations, holidays or even movies--but there is a difference. With those things the stop and start of the deviations are very clear--also, I KNOW I'm being deviant. I KNOW what my behavior should be and I'm deliberately choosing to act in a contrary way. Death is different--I don't know what my behavior should be or how a normal person would react, and I'm thrown that I even care.

I think the word "worry" is the problem--I shouldn't "worry" I should just eat right and exercise period. Especially during times of stress when having a strong body is important. I think the thing I shouldn't "worry" about is the iron-man. I can't go swimming tonight and I don't know what the next weeks will bring. I think for the next little while my "plan" will be to eat as lightly and sensibly as possible--to exercise as much as I can, take my vitamins and drink plenty of water.

So today---I am grateful for:
being in Utah so I can go and see Mom
cream of wheat with her blackberries
a kindly work environment
progresso soup and cheese
the fact that my problem is not so severe that I can't be flexible--if I go over points or don't exercise or whatever,  it's not the end of the world.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

347 Two miles

oooof.  Those two miles were a lot harder than I thought they would be.  How can people possibly keep that up for mile after mile after mile? And I am SLOW--I "ran" at about a 4.2 speed--so slow I could actually walk very briskly from time to time without falling off the treadmill. And even still it was super hard work!  I "ran" the first mile, got off walked a gentle lap around the track feeling my left leg twinge in scary ways, then "ran" the second mile. My knee was complaining loudly. I went home and took some ibu last night and again this morning even though it didn't hurt much--I'm trying to control inflammation. I'm determined to do this iron-man, and I would still really like to run a 5K in some kind of reasonable time. But I think once I hit the 26.2 I'll be done running for awhile--I'll concentrate on some long walks for the 1/2 marathon and then I think I'll be forced to use some common sense knee-wise. For today--I'm using limited common sense--I'm going back to the gym but this time I'll run just one mile and spend the rest of the time on the recumbent bike (never tried one of those)

Last night was another hit for Hungry Girl!  The Nachorific Chicken was just great! the filling was fat free refried beans, laughing cow swiss cheese and real cheese--cutlets rolled in chips with taco seasoning. A GREAT meal. I am officially a big fan--and will probably be buying cookbooks.

Monday, March 19, 2012

346 Weekend

Ugh---slow computer at home and super busy not a good combo for blogging.  The weekend was pretty much a wash out. Boy oh boy. I think I wrote that there wasn't going to be any particular temptation this week. Uhhhh. No. Friday I went to Provo (but I ran a mile for the Lazy Man Iron Man first!)--started off with some dark chocolate covered almonds because we were going to the library--trust me, there is some logic there. Wow! I must have really wanted those almonds! They didn't even make it out of the store! And I've never been one to gobble food quickly. Lunch was J-Dawgs--big hotdog and chips and no redeeming nutritional value. Followed by an Awful Waffle--dense waffle with Nutella, whipped cream and coconut--which I at least had the grace to share. On the way home Lisa called asking if we could possibly come by and help move some furniture so there would be room for a hospital bed for Mom. PERFECT timing, we were literally on the way. By the time we were done it was much too late to go home and fix dinner so we wound up at Chuck-a-Rama buffet of all places. This is the first time we've been to a buffet since moving to Ogden--so using that rationale it wasn't horrible that we were there.  I wasn't hungry at all, but I still managed to put away plenty.
Saturday was St. Patrick's day. Catherine and I went swimming in the morning for the Lazy Man. First time for me since the stupid pool was closed after all on Thursday. Oh wow. It's been a very long time since I've swum laps. Talk about slow. But we put in a very respectible 26 laps. The swimming might be a real problem--I've never been bothered by cholorine before, but I was severely bothered on Saturday.  Then we went to McCools pub for lunch.  This was a planned deviation. I remember how I felt last year at McCools on St. Patricks Day. I felt fat and frumpy and wasn't getting anywhere losing weight, but didn't want to change my habits--weight watchers was on the horizon which I viewed with depression. Last year I had sort of a Last Supper kind of meal at McCools. THIS year was so much better!!  Down about 25 pounds! And having an equally bad calorie-fat meal but what a difference. There wasn't the feeling that I wouldn't be having anything so good for a long time. I can see by this blog that I will continue losing weight AND continue having the full-blown ridiculous meals that I want with pretty frequent regularity.  That night we went to a Celtic dance festival and had movie popcorn.
Yesterday, Sunday, I didn't count, but I was on track. We ate before going to SLC and I didn't find it too hard to say no to the funeral potatoes. Later, when I was alone and Mom was sleeping and there were boxes of chocolates--I only ate one. Not bad.
Today I plan to run 2 miles after work on a treadmill---hopefully this will be easier on my knees, and I have a new Hungry Girl receipe to try.  I wasn't brave enough to weigh myself after this weekend, but am still trying. I ought to rename this blog the crabby dieter---lots of irritation and mostly sideways movement!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

342 Pi Day

Ahhhh a buffet.  I brought along a cabbage salad with the idea that if I ate the salad I would eat less overall. I think it kind of worked--I ate plenty--two slices of pizza (I'm blaming my co-workers (not really)---I had planned to just eat one, but they all planned on two as a matter of course), lots of spicy crackers, pineapple, some chicken pot pie and a mini key lime pie, brownie bite, and a cream cheese thing with fruit--plus my salad. So, yes, more than enough food but the thing was that I was totally 100% completely satisfied with the food! Usually with stuff like this I'm in the kitchen all day long grazing even after a meal where I stuff myself.  Not this time. I went through the kitchen for some water and saw the brownie bites (which I love) and wasn't even interested. THAT's a real change--a chemical shift in the body not just the mind. It felt great--I had a terrific lunch which I thoroughly enjoyed, and then felt DONE.  I came home, biked 10 miles on the stationary bike and had a light dinner (which I probably could have skipped). And then, using the rationale that the day was already a loss, I had some popcorn, a little cheese and some milk along with one more brownie bite that I had taken home. Today, as always, is a new day and I'm going to the gym to swim hopefully a whole bunch of laps for the lazy man iron man. I'm planning on at least 20 laps, but I'm hoping I can do more. Then again, it's been years since I've swum laps and I didn't like it back then, so it'll be interesting to see what happens. The problem with swimming is boredom.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

341 Big clothes and chicken

The other day I noticed something--many of my clothes, t-shirts especially, look HUGE!  I'm sure they weren't that big 30 pounds ago. Plain large shirts are now looking normal. It's been fun to wear all the tops that Dave gave me two years ago. I'm wearing a pretty pink one right now.

And now, a word about chicken. What gives cookbook and TV cooks?? I can't count the number of receipes I've tried that say to "Cook chicken at 350 for 20 min." What kind of an oven are these people using?? Hello--if you cook chicken for 20 minutes, you have RAW CHICKEN. Even Hungry Girl went for this. I tried making her sesame sticky chicken fingers yesterday (delicious!), she wanted me to cook the chicken fingers at 375 for 10 minutes! My cat would have loved it--of course it was raw. After baking the chicken at 425 for about 1/2 an hour they were ok. Whatever. The important thing was that the food was good. I was in a cooking mood last night. I also made a weight watchers bread pudding--not bad at all, I'll decrease the water a little next time though. I'm so thankful for people who create light receipes--I would never have dreamed of making bread pudding for 4 with only 2 skimpy slices of raisin toast, but it worked.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

340 Better

Ok--yesterday went as planned except my trip to SLC was a short (and frustrating) one so I got to practice some harp and put in 5 miles on the bike. Today, back to 183. YAY!!!  Today I'll be on track with lots of exercise, but tomorrow is a problem--PI day (March 14) and a potluck at work. I'm bringing little key lime pies to add to the disaster, but the real problem will be the pizza from the PIE pizzaria--the BEST pizza. Yikes---pizza, and lots of potluck goodies.  My plan is a weak one---bring a salad and a banana in hopes of eating less than I might otherwise. At least one person is bringing PIneapple--so I can chow on lots of that I hope--but if they order cheesy bread from the pie---uh oh. 

Also, I'm having an odd little encounter with jealousy of all things. My good friend's daughter is on a mission in Chili. This is a simply terrific girl--not fat, just on the heavy side. She mentioned that she's lost 18 pounds. Part of me is honestly happy for her, but the other part ISN'T! What on earth?! Do I feel as though she hasn't earned it? (baloney--she's working very hard down there--I served a mission, I know how hard that is). Do I want to be the only one on earth to succeed---thereby making my own success seem all the greater? (partly--maybe, but a huge part of this blog is the hope that other real people out there will know they can succeed too and do it without extreme measures) Maybe I'm just frustrated with myself and the slowness of my own journey---since I haven't actually SEEN her work and sacrifices, all I see is a magic 18 pounds lost--maybe I feel a little cheated?  I think that's it. Yes, that is it. Plus, my family is discouraging and my Mom isn't going to make it much longer. Maybe I just want a little company in misery or something. Ridiculous, but real all the same.

Monday, March 12, 2012

339 Problematic Weekend

Darn it!  Great start and new low weight on Friday--overdid food on the weekend.  WHY do I do that?? Answer--I love to overeat and success is a great excuse. It doesn't feel like self-sabotage, but it undoubtedly is. Not that I totally thew in the towel--just did a little bit worse than planned. We went to the temple Friday night and got out later than planned--we had planned to have burgers and fries for once which we did--but it was much later in the evening than it should have been.  On the plus side, I threw out most of the shake even though it was fabulously good. Saturday--pretty much on track--ran two miles out of the 4 or so it takes to walk to the library. The thing that threw me there was the funeral. I volunteered to spend it helping in the kitchen. Had many tastes of frosting-plus one square of cake. Dinner later that day was reasonably portioned ham and funeral potatoes. --Not bad, but funeral potatoes are diet deadly. Yesterday on track--made Hungry girl potato salad out of cauliflower--not bad at all--Didn't count points but rode bike 10 miles and should have had plenty of points for the smores we made over our Christmas fire pit.  Today--186. Phooey. Hoping at least some of that is muscle weight--I also worked out on Friday. I'm LOOKING thinner and my jeans today are very loose. Try and try and try again. Oatmeal for breakfast, a normal lunch--pita pit for dinner. And a day of rest exercise-wise because I'm going to SLC. 

Now to announce the fun project!  I'm doing the LAZY MAN IRON MAN. I began on Saturday (hence the two mile run).  The idea is to complete a full iron-man--2.4 mile swim, 112 miles bike and 26.2 miles run--but complete it over time.  In this case between March 10 and April 4.  That's still a LOT of exercise but it will be a great achievement--and I'm hoping will also strengthen my left leg (which has gone weird lately) so I'll be in good shape for the 1/2 marathon on April 21.  I'll have some time at work today to create a nifty chart and I think I'll look for places that might make a medal for me and my friend, Maria who is doing this with me. FUN!!

Friday, March 9, 2012

336 183!

Hey! There it is! 183!!  FINALLY!!!  All the more fun because I didn't really expect it. Again I'm so thankful for this blog because now I can put those niggling negative thoughts down here and have them be MUCH less of an influence in my mind so I can focus on the other reality which is every bit as factual and has the power to keep me moving forward. Here I go---the niggling negative. Today is March 9th. 183 is exactly ONE pound less than I weighed the day after Christmas. Slow? This is STALLED. Yes, this is all true--what isn't true though is the thought I have immediatley afterward, "I can't succeed." Now, thanks to the miracle of blogging--I have a place to put other truths.
Namely: An all time low!!!  YES!!! I haven't weighed this little since college. I am 47 years old when all my friends are getting fatter and I'm becoming more and more healthy all the time. 183 is only 2 pounds away from this month's insurance goal of 181. I've lost 23 pounds this year a solid achievement. I'm a full 10 pounds less than I was when we went to Aruba last summer. It's well on the right side of the 190's and that much farther away from the dread 200's. I'm not anticipating any terrible temptations in the next week or so--on the contrary, I'm excited about a new exercise challenge that I'll share in the next couple of blogs.
Satan is always telling me lies or very selective truths--I love that I don't have to listen.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

335 Drug

Food is a drug and it's weird when I deliberately use it as such. Maybe it's just good that now I notice. All things considered though, I'm giving myself credit for having done pretty darn well. The trip to SLC went VERY well--it's just that I dreaded it too much beforehand--so I ate an unplanned but "needed" peanut cluster and a truffle after lunch. Then I had to run an errand on campus and a group had raspberry bars for everyone--I took one (and a pear!), went to my office and had a mini-meal---the planned snack--of wasa crisp and laughing cow with the pear and the raspberry bar.  For dinner we wound up at IHOP. They have a healthy menu--On the good side, I ordered off the healthy menu--a grilled chicken sandwich with fruit--on the downside--I also ordered the deep-fried appetizer plate for everyone--on the good side again I was far too keyed up to eat much--on the downside--a big mozzarella stick an onion ring and a couple bites of deep-fried chicken tender were among the things that I did eat.  I'm disappointed, because that will probably prevent me from seeing the magic 183 tomorrow, but given the extreme difficulty of working with a drug addict---all I can say is "Well done Anneli!"

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

334 snowstorm

Meeting not nearly as boring as I feared, but I still didn't get any running in. Walking TO work yesterday was nice. Walking home--was freezing cold with driving snow. Naturally I picked yesterday to take a detour by way of Smiths. I spent time printing off Hungry Girl receipes and for some reason the big breakfast omlette sounded perfect. By the time it came for me to go home I was starving and that recipe was sounding better and better and better.  (We had it today--not bad). So I trudged home in the weather and curled up by the fire. 

One neat thing yesterday--I think my mind is finally accepting that I am going to play "Minuet 2" for the rest of my life if that's what it takes until I learn it. I played it better and more easily yesterday than ever before.

Today I'm going to SLC. I hate going down, but I'm telling myself that every time I do I'm one step closer to a resolution of the situation there. I'm taking Christine and hopefully a friend of mine with a similar background as Christine out to dinner.  I want to stay on track though---I've got to be so close to hitting 183. Maybe I'll suggest Applebee's or Chili's--they both have good (although Applebee's is skimpy) ww menus.  The main thing today though is to help Christine want to find solutions.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

333 Boring meeting

Fun at African Dance yesterday. Today though I feel hungry--I think part of what I'm feeling is in anticipation of a really boring meeting I have coming up at noon.  This means I need to have lunch almost 2 hours earlier than I normally do which will throw off my afternoon plus the stupid meeting pre-empted my wellness time. But I can quit whining now--much is on the bright side--it's a warmish day so walking to work was a pleasure, and I'll be able to run after work. I'm making the really good eggplant penne tonight for 8 pts and I've budgeted for a reeses cup. Lunch is likewise good--a wrap and soup with olives and some chip things Dave found--27 chips for 3 pts--it's a pretty big pile of chips. I'm also grateful to be almost a year along on the road--plus the learning I gained from the years getting to the road. My friend is thinking about starting WW soon. She'll do great, but it's so much easier for me---I have loads of receipes now that I like and lots of easy fall-back choices, and I've ironed out a few glitches of character (lots more ironing to do though).  She'll get there--and so will I--it's probably a good thing that we can't see just how far and long the road is--but today I'm glad that I'm partway there.

Monday, March 5, 2012

332 really melted cake

184 This morning! YAY! I didn't expect that. It's nice to remember that the scale occasionally provides encouragement as well as horror.  Last night's meatloaf was really good and so was the asparagus. I've never been an asparagus fan, but Dave has found a way to cook it that's really good--broil it with a little olive oil, lemon juice and poppy seeds. It's still not the vegetable I'll go out of my way to find, but it's good to know tastes can and do change. I wonder too, if I ate less overall last night than I would have before? On a fast sunday I feel as though I can eat however much for dinner as I want--and I had a big plateful to be sure, but there was some meatloaf left over--a big chunk actually--I don't think last year that would have happened.  Last night's tragedy though was the warm chocolate melting cake--I've made this before! It's a cooking light reciepe and they are fabulous--except that for some reason the cakes didn't set up at all. They were just liquid chocolate  (not necesarrily a bad thing). I put mine back in for a bit, but it still wasn't quite right. Oh well, next fast Sunday I'll make the famouse chocolate coconute brownies--those are a no-fail deal.

Today I'm grateful for--
A lowish number on the scale
My blouse because last year I couldn't have worn it, and even if I had one in my size I still wouldn't have worn it because I would have looked like a sofa. Today it just looks sophisticated and nice.
An African Dance class with Carol.
A homemade roll for lunch
Cup of soups--only 1 point and they always remind me of Omi
wasa crisp breads
laughing cow cheese
a beautiful day that allowed me to walk to work.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

331 A better week

I did well yesterday--too cold to walk, but I did about an hour of Dance Dance and I stayed within points--even with pizza for dinner--I counted each slice as 10--which is what I'm supposed to, but still had enough points to have some popcorn afterward.  I wanted chocolate too---amazing how hard it is to practice self-denial, but I managed to say no to the chocolate and really, I was just fine. Today is fast Sunday again--so I'm looking forward to a meatloaf dinner and a big chocolate melting cake for dessert. I'm not going nearly as extreme this week--I have my doubts that I'll lose anything if I eat up to 36 points a day, but that's silly. I DO lose weight at that level--it's just that I can't eat 36 pts PLUS blowout days too. We're also having that eggplant pasta again--FANTASTIC dish--HUGE serving size and delicious.  I love discovering recipes that I would make whether or not I'm losing weight. Hungry Girl is my new hero. I'm thinking now, too that I can't wait for watermelon season when I can have a big bowl of watermelon in the fridge.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

330 a good friend

I had a lovely time last night. Unfortunately by the time we arrived in SLC, I was FAMISHED. We found ourselves at Tuscanos, a Brazilian grill. It was fabulous. All you can eat and really really good food. I had a huge salad (two helpings) just loaded with all the things you shouldn't load a salad with--big blue cheese crumbles, croutons and bacon with loads of blue cheese dressing.. Waiters came around with meat on swords--had plenty of that and then a waiter came around with buffalo wings--I NEVER get all you can eat buffalo wings--I only regret that I couldn't eat more of them--I tried. I'm glad we went, one of the items was fried bananas--Mom's favorite thing in Hawaii was the fried bananas--I'll be able to pick up an order for her when I next go down. Just that discovery alone was worth all the calories.  Afterward we wandered around, Dave got me a bear at build-a-bear and we bought the unofficial guide to Disneyworld at Barnes and Noble.

This morning I had a RS meeting with just Carol. Carol is a wonderful person. She's going to join weight watchers (poor thing)--and we just talked about this struggle and other things. I probably talked her ear off, but I think we both just needed to sit around and gab. She's been stressed too. What a wonderful gift a good friend is.  Today, my poor body is just trying to figure out what to do with all the food I ate--not too much problem staying on track today.

Friday, March 2, 2012

329 Better running

185--ok. I actually don't feel like complaining about that for once. I'm on my way out the door for a romantic evening with Dave--complete with dinner--but the rest of the week will be on track--though not crazy low. I just wanted to mention that I'm feeling better about running. My knees don't feel better--they are feeling more and more rickety everyday, but I ran 15 min on the track today (and shoveled snow and lifted weights) and I'm getting used to it. I'm feeling more as though I can do it--I'm not going to collapse or get all out of breath and be miserable. It's beginning to feel as though I can more or less go forever (in reality, I suspect "forever" would end in about 30 min, and it's just boredom that's the main factor. I AM worried about the knees though.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

328 spin

Oh wow. TOTALLY out of control last night.  There have been many times over the past year when I've eaten more--but NEVER quite so compulsively in my life. All was well until we got to the play--I had already eaten a full meal (yes, the cookie went down) from Subway. And then there were crackers and cheese and little salami rolls and strawberries and a chocolate fountain. I was already full. I KNEW I was full but I simply could not stop eating!  I easily ate another (heavy) meal's worth and the only thing that stopped me was the backstage tour and even then I put the plate down very regretfully. Tickets included two items from concessions--didn't want them, certainly didn't need them--but ate a giant cookie anyway--which finally stopped me. I only ate one fruit snack after that.  Today I don't exactly feel guilty, but I feel a little confused somehow. I think the message is that going to extremes triggers a bad backlash so I'm easing up just a little today although I should still be well within points. I had some milk, banana bread an apple and PB2 for breakfast, two mini pizzas and cabbage salad with 2 truffles for lunch (2nd truffle a mistake) and will be trying out Hungry Girl's eggplant penne pasta ( a macaroni grill take off) for dinner.  Tomorrow, we're going out for dinner somewhere--not planning on going crazy, and since I've now eaten I feel calmer so I should be acting within reason.  Saturday will begin another week--an easier one--back to 36 pts and exercise, but still in control. I'll see where it gets me.