Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Another Hour!!

AAACK!!! I completely forgot that I have to work an extra hour tonight!! NOOOOOO!!! Happily, the thing that's making me upset is that this is going to seriously infere with the exercise I have planned. I'm all excited to go home and do just dance for an hour or so. Now it will be maybe 1/2 hour if I'm lucky and dinner?? I have a meeting at 7 that I don't want to go to and now I feel particulary put upon.

I'm also thinking of experiementing with combining weightwatchers and intuitive eating. Because of weight watchers, I've become accustomed to eating just one pancake on Sunday mornings. It's enough. Of course I could eat a whole stack, but one is really enough and I did it for long enough on WW that I actually have some "pancake" brakes. A good thing! In general, breakfasts are ok, although I've been slipping upwards. No way I want to go back to WW--but I was thinking I might aim for 10 point lunches. I will also pack extra in case I'm still hungry--it's not so much that I want to count and measure, but I was usually pretty much ok with lunches and I'd like to not slip up and accidently be eating 40-50 point lunches soley out of carelessness. I'm still going to eat what I like, and if I'm hungry, I'll eat what it takes--I just want to be a bit more mindful. When I feel comfortable that lunches are in order, then I'll begin to very slowly tackle dinner.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Less hopeful

You know, I've never considered myself a moody person, but this blog shows that I'm very much affected. The other day I weighed myself fully prepared with dread to see 200. I saw 195. Okay. Amazing the temptation to diet. But I'm determined not to--or at least not really. If I have days where I feel like eating a WW plan or whatever because I'm feeling heavy and bloated, then that is ok because it's what I want to do. But I'm not going to force myself on that or any other diet. The thing I want to change, but don't quite know how to is how to eat smaller portions when I want smaller portions? Sounds like a no-brainer, but it isn't! I was finally able to verbalize a very simple truth last night. The experience of eating one slice of pizza is not the same as the experience of eating 5 slices of pizza and a salad. I just isn't. My mind "knows" that I like the 5 slice experience--so it doesn't matter if I'm hungry or not. I always think I want the 5 slices.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


Feeling hopeful today--or maybe relieved is a better word. It feels so good not to obsess about food or weight. I feel more confident today that eventually, this is going to result in my regaining my natural happy weight. Yesterday we went to SLC to take Dad to the movies. We grabbed some dinner at pita pit. I didn't want the chips or drink b/c I knew I would have popcorn. It was a no brainer decision---but last year it would have been a very difficult decision based on knuckle-biting will power. At the movies we got 1 large popcorn for the three of us and I felt fine with this--no sense of "oh darn, I wish I could have more." Today is the seminary luncheon--my biggest weakness--appetizers--and it's ok--I feel as though I'm free to enjoy it and I find that I don't really want to inhale it all. Slowly, slowly, slowly things are getting better.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Trader Joe's

YAY!! A trader Joes opened in SLC this weekend. Now I have access to all the stuff Hungry Girl and others talk about. We went down yesterday and saw it. I don't think they were prepared for quite the enthusiasm they got. Some of the shelves were already bare. The thing I was most excited about were 1 oz servings of cheese. Goat cheese was all they had left and that was fine with me! We'll definitley stop there from time to time and pick up a fancy item or two. I'm really gaining a testimony of great food--it feels great to eat it of course, but the flip side, is that it feels less great to eat mediocre stuff--so much so, that it's getting harder to overeat.