Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013


Two posts today. All day yesterday I knew what I was going to post but it got trumped by the scale freak out. EXHAUSTION!  There has been a nasty bout of the flu going around and yesterday I was really thinking that I might be the next victim. But then I realized that no, I had just eaten normally--with FAR less sugar than I've been inhaling lately and I'm just having a plain old-fashioned sugar crash. I've been tired for days--and I really think it's pure bad eating.  I feel better today, but today and tomorrow are "FREE".  I might have another smaller crash and then I'll be glad to get back on track. It's weird to be happy about being on track, but it really does feel good. Not as good as huge amounts of pizza and cookies feel--but good.

End of the year weigh

For all my mighty words, I did break down and weigh myself today. The reasoning was good though---I think.  The lowest point I hit on weight watchers was 183.  I'd like to get there or near it by my birthday in April by using my own methods. But what if I don't?  What if I weigh in on April 1 and I weigh 195? That would be so discouraging!  But wait a minute.  How badly off am I?  What if my weight has soared to 210? 215 or even 220?  I certainly feel fat enough and everything is tight.  What if I really do weigh 215 now and on April 1 weigh 195?  That would be a tremendous success, but I wouldn't know it if I don't know my starting point.

So, I got scale weird.  I weighed in last night before bed, because I knew however ghastly the number, at least I'd weigh a little less this morning. And right there that shows you that I give WAY too much  power to the scale. The numbers were ghastly enough--199 this morning, but not as bad as I feared.  I feel relieved. 183 is not that far away.  I looked up my last post that recorded a weight in 2012--mid December then, 195.  Sigh---I really am like the white queen, running and running with all my might to stay in the same place.  But it's a whole lot better than going the wrong way altogether.  Plus, I think this indicates that my plan IS already working! Yesterday was a gold star flavor point day. And these next few months will at least only have a normal amount of temptation.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Food Silliness

Almost to the end of food silliness--until next year.  Not that I won't have many silly days, but they will at least be more spread out. I did well over the weekend--1900 cal, 2100 cal and today is a flavor point day. It really says something about how very full I am that I'm not hungry at all. It's simply going to take some time to digest this stuff. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve--a free day. And then I'll join the rest of the US in behaving myself. Only, I hope that my plan will stick a little better since I've been working on it.  I'll weigh in in April, but I'm determined to see and feel some real improvement before then.

Thursday, December 26, 2013


It was a Merry Christmas.  Will I ever learn to control my food?  I don't mean in a way to try and lose weight on Christmas day or anything--but in a way so that I'm hungry for, and can maximally enjoy all the goodies that are there!  I wasn't really hungry for breakfast--but ate the cinnamon roll casserole and orange rolls just the same, wasn't hungry for lunch, but ate a banana (a concession to having something wholesome, a lot of cheeseball and crackers, some olives, pickles and homemade bread).  Wasn't exactly hungry for dinner--but body was yelling for some real food, so I enjoyed the ham and mashed potatoes, but was way too full to really enjoy the mincemeat pie and brie puff.

This morning, I was still too full for breakfast. I walked to work (yay!), and am just now feeling a bit hungry---or rather a bit as though I've digested a few things. I brought some cuties and some frosted mini-wheats. But Dan brought sourcream cake doughnuts. My absolute favorite! I think I'll have one or two even though I know I'd feel better if I didn't. How do people do this? I love those kinds of doughnuts! I won't feel bad if I eat them, just better if I didn't.  But not enough better not to eat them. Again, I'm not worrying about the calories or anything on the day after Christmas, but it's the principle of the thing.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Happy Holidays

Um yeah, I think I'm off for the holidays. Cheesecake factory was great. None of us wanted dinner, but we finished off a bucket of movie popcorn (darn, I did have the movie popcorn) which we usually don't do.  I got a bit of an upset today--I offended a gay guy in my ward by making what I thought was a very mild opinion on his page. Blech. I hate feeling like I can't express my opinion, but I also hate offending people

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Caramel unraveling

Ugh! I did fine, until a had "just a taste" of caramel popcorn toward the end of the work day.  It wasn't even that good of popcorn. One taste led to another.  I had a couple of handfuls.  The day could have been saved, but we got Pie pizza--that also could be ok, but if you get pie pizza you have to get cheezy bread--and there is no saving that!  I had much more than was good for me.  Worse to come, Catherine's friend sent her a top secret chocolate chip cookie recipe. Naturally she (with my urging) had to make some of those.  I had--5? 6? with milk.  

I feel overstuffed and a little icky this morning. I'm glad that I'm not liking this feeling. However, I know myself well enough to know that today isn't going to be any better. We're going to the Cheesecake factory. I've had in mind for over a month that I would eat what I wanted to there (buffalo blasts!).  I don't want to worry about food today. It's a happy day of beautiful Christmassy shopping and lights and celebration.  I just hope I can keep in mind that it will be a happier day still if I don't feel over stuffed.  At least I'm going to do my darndest to get to the restaraunt BEFORE we go to the movie--so I don't have BOTH a ridiculous meal AND movie popcorn.  

Friday, December 20, 2013

Looking forward to the start up!

Today is 1900.  I'm glad I only ate 1/2 the Costa Vida order the other day--that has 1000 cal all by itself.  I have some mixed feelings about the upcoming week. Part of me is really glad to be counting today--it feels good to be in control even though the kitchen here is still full of yummy things from yesterday's potluck. Next week is Christmas. I'm not going to draw slips tonight. All days next week will be "not counting but in control" except for Christmas Eve and Day which will be free.  New Year's Eve will also be free.  part of me is excited about all the good food, but the other part of me is really happy to be starting up my plan again in the New Year with many less temptations and distractions (other than the bleak boredom of Jan and Feb which is also a challenge). That's exciting that I feel that way--usually, I'm only too happy to run away from any eating plan.

Bonus for the today and yesterday--exercise is back, in the form of snow-walking. Faster and easier for me to walk to work today rather than to chop through the ice in the driveway. But it wasn't easy walking. I'm tired. It was a good core exercise.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Stopped half-way!

I wonder if there's a problem writing a diet blog while I'm munching on shortbread cookies?  Probably.  But today is a deliberate free day. It's an office potluck and my office does potlucks well.  Today's problem is going to be guilt. It's horrible driving outside--Dave wasn't even able to drive me all the way to work--super scary. But we're supposed to be at Dad's for his Christmas party tonight. No matter how awful the roads, I'm going to feel guilty if we don't go down. Naturally, things don't look very bad to Dad who is safe at home (and thank goodness for that!). I hope he is able to realize that I'm not trying to find an excuse, but that it is really dangerous.

Anyway. I was so proud of myself yesterday! "Not counting, but in control".  Dave took some takeout from Costa Vida to Catherine for her birthday dinner (poor kid had to work). And he brought me some too. I only ate HALF of it!!!!  I could easily have eaten it all, but I was full enough and Catherine's friend, Kaitlin sent some tollhouse cookiebars and I knew that once I had one or two of those with some milk, I'd be plenty full. So I stopped!!

I'm also feeling un-justifiably slim, because I foolishly stayed up late watching a show about a poor woman who weighed over 1,000 pounds! I've never seen anything like that. Poor thing! Her body was literally shaped like Jabba the Hut although her face was pretty.  But they got her in the hospital and she's lost 800 pounds.  Really neat to see--she can walk again. Just goes to show you should never never give up.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Survived 1600

Boy! Glad yesterday's over and that today is "not counting, but in control." I'm feeling much thinner today. Don't know if I really am, but it's a helpful illusion so I'm embracing it.

1600 calories was tough for me yesterday, but I made it.  I hate that, "I'm barely full" feeling. It feels one step away from ravenous. And there's nothing worse than feeling ravenous and knowing that there's not going to be enough food to make that feeling go away. But I love feeling as though I'm making progress--I hope I am. This plan has been such a good mix of eating lightly and the relief of being able to eat more.

The idea is not to go crazy today, but it does feel so good to be snacking on goldfish as I write this, and to know that I have a really satisfying lunch (chicken with buffalo sauce, blue cheese crumbles, peas and a roll) ahead of me. I also happen to have a package of oatmeal here if I get really hungry, and I finally get to eat those homemade caramels. And actually, my lunch is a very healthy, reasonably caloried one, so I feel great about that.  Tomorrow is a free day. I really think because of that, I'll be able to eat a reasonable dinner. Especially, if I actually feel satisfied with lunch.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


Wow.  Let me again express for the hundredth time my undying amazement that Sean of losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com was able to eat 1500 cal a day for more than two years until he reached his ideal weight. Wow. Wow. Wow.  Today, I'm aiming for 1600 cal and it feels thin indeed. I'll be able to manage I think, but only because I know that tomorrow I can relax a little--still in control hopefully, but not needing to be hungry. He never once complained of hunger. HOW????

Yesterday, was a flavor point day. But it was also a day where I needed to get a lot done--especially Christmas shopping. I realized that not only did I really not want the flavor point boring dinner, but that I honestly didn't have time to go home and fix it and still get things done.  I think I made a pretty good choice instead. I grabbed Dave and we went to Applebees and ordered off the light menu (Strategy here is to not even look at anything other than the light menu).  MUCH better feeling dinner--steak, potatoes and a sm. portobello mushroom with artichoke sauce. So the question was--was this a gold star or red star day? (BTW beginning new year--gold is best, SILVER will be second best and red will mean there was some kind of serious problem).  Part of me thought Gold--because I thought I did great in making a responsible adjustment that served my life better than being super rigid.  Part of me thought Red because at least part of the decision was motivated by simply not wanting the healthy dinner that was planned and I want to practice making healthy promises to myself and then keeping those promises.

In the end, I decided that it really was a golden day--rigidity is doomed to failure and I coped well.  However, I gave myself a red star (second best) in the end because by the time I got to Michaels crafts I was exhausted and got myself a giridelli chocolate square.  Again--a responsible dessert--and flavor point did have a dessert option that day--but not that one and I'm not sure if the dinner I ate had a lot more calories than the one I was supposed to eat. SO...A+ for effort and B+ for actual execution.

However, yesterday's intake has left me on empty for today and I can't imagine 1600 cal even coming close to filling me up.  But, let me take a leaf from Sean's book and express genuine gratitude for the food I DO have today.  All of it super yummy, varied and plentiful enough. Breakfast was frosted mini-wheats with milk (foolish choice--I know better than to eat sugary cereals, they only leave me hungry.) yogurt for a snack, tomato soup, a roll and olives for lunch, popcorn for a snack, a pork chop dinner and that still leaves room for a small dessert.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Blue cheese bacon mashed potatoes

Yum! Sunday dinner of roast beef and mashed potatoes. What could be better? When you add garlic, blue cheese and bacon to the potatoes--thanks Catherine. :)  It was a good day. 2100 calorie--which is as high as my plan goes, i did very well.  The big problem at the moment is exercise. With this freezing cold weather, it's just too cold to walk to work, and since it's the Christmas season, I'm having a hard time finding time to get any exercise (other than getting my credit card out).  Oh well, New Year's is around the corner.

Today is flavor point day. Might be a little rough going--once again I picked a day that has the black bean salad for lunch.  I like the black bean salad--which is good, since this is the third time in a row for it! Dinner is supposed to be orange cod.  It's going to be orange chicken, with bulger wheat and green beans. Sounds boring. Dessert had potential--peanut butter, honey rice krispy treats, they taste ok, but they didn't hold together at all.  Oh well, tomorrow is another day, and even though it will be low calorie, it will be food of my choosing.  The plan to get through today is to overindulge in Christmas shopping rather than food. Seems to be working well so far.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Too much of the good stuff.

Hey!  To my delight, I wasn't wanting to just inhale sweets all day. On the contrary, I was content with very little.  That's not to say that I didn't overindulge and eat more sweets than I should have, I did, but not nearly as much as thought I'd want to.

The thing that got me was the saucy meatballs. After the sweets I really just wanted real food, and I'd been wanting these meatballs for quite awhile. Even though it was not a counted day, I did figure out the calories for leftovers. I suppose calorically, dinner wasn't too crazy, but still, I really didn't need that huge heavy plateful of meatballs. Funny, I never know what will pop up and want to derail me.

Sugar Free!!

I'm proud of myself for sticking to yesterday's "No sugar!"  MUCH temptation.  Besides not having had any sugar the day before due to flavor point, and very little the previous day, so I was in sugar withdrawal, Catherine was making her fabulous cookie/brownie/ everything cake. But it's amazing what knowing that relief is in sight can do.  I knew that today I would be having all those good things, so it was ok.

However, I still gave myself a red star for the day. Star for having done great, but red because I didn't need that third piece of pizza. I probably didn't need to eat as much popcorn or grapes and cheese either, but those things were planned. The third piece of pizza was selective "forgetting" that even on days like a vegetarian day, it doesn't mean a food free for all. It still means fairly reasonable.

I don't know how reasonable today will be, but actually, I think I'm going to do pretty well.  I'll have the loaded hot chocolate and a piece of ridiculously calorie loaded cake, but at the moment I don't feel like devouring the whole cake.  I'll be super excited if I find that I'm satisfied with a reasonable amount of goodies.  But if not, and I over- indulge, I'm not going to beat myself up too much about it.

Friday, December 13, 2013


Yesterday was "Tomato Day" a perfectly good day, but not what I was in the mood for.  I think this is okay---really a good thing in fact.  Back in the '70's, when I was a kid and everyone--including me, was a lot thinner, not every meal was great. Mom made things like liver and tuna casserole because they were quick and nutritious, not because anybody had a particular craving for them. Back then, we didn't eat for our cravings. So, tomato day was a good experience getting back to that.

I had--a tomato and feta omlette with a slice of toast for breakfast.
            tomatoes and hummus for a snack
             a black bean and tomato salad with a slice of bread for lunch. --This was supposed to be whole wheat bread that I meant to bake because we have some bread dough in the freezer. But Catherine had made a different kind of homemade bread.  I didn't want to bake more bread that we didn't need.  So, I ate her bread instead.  I think that's ok.  Normally, I do have wheat bread. But any eating plan has to conform at least somewhat with real life. Also, it's been my experience that the best I can do (so long as it's really my best, not just trying to weasel in extra somehow) is good enough.
            Chips and Salsa for a snack
            Spaghetti (no meat) and whole wheat pasta for dinner with a cabbage salad and another slice of Catherine bread.
            Dessert of peaches and blueberries.

I gave myself a gold star for the day despite the bread. Again, a little difficult because I was actually full from dinner and part of me thinks I should be suffering more.  But I think the dessert was especially good. I was able to recognize that I was full and didn't want all that much, so I had a very modest helping--of just canned peaches and frozen blueberries. It was a delicious combination!  Usually, I have trouble accepting fruit as a dessert, but this was good enough that I'll have it again--probably tonight.

Today is vegetarian, no sugar.  Hooray for not counting anything, but the no sugar today is tough.  Yesterday didn't have sugar, and the day before was counted so I couldn't eat the homemade caramels at work, and today I still can't eat them!! But there's no denying it's good for me to not be eating so much sugar!  Most importantly, I don't mind.  It's hard, but it's hard in the way exercise or studying for a test is hard--I don't feel put upon or angry that I'm skipping sugar today. I'll have plenty tomorrow. But this is good. I'm missing sweets, so I probably WILL go out of my way to have sweet fruits today and the peaches and blueberries for dessert again, and it will feel really good. Which is important. It's important that good choices feel good as I eat them. And it helps them to feel good when I know I can have sweets tomorrow. Another odd benefit, I can have as much of anything today except meat and sugar. But even still, I didn't feel like packing a huge lunch. I wanted of all things, a peanut butter sandwich. Ok. And popcorn. ok. And some grapes and cheese for a snack. ok.  And that's all I felt like packing. Now it's 11:30 and I'm hungry. But that's ok. I might run upstairs and get a pop and maybe another snack...or maybe not. It's weird and good not to worry or care too much.

This next week, the week before Christmas, is going to be a challenge. No surprise there. Tomorrow we're having the family up so they can celebrate Catherine's 21'st birthday. Wednesday we're going to SLC to see zoo lights, Thursday is both my work potluck and a special dinner at Dad's.  I might have to do some doctoring when I pick the slips tonight.  Thursday is going to need to be a free day.  Tomorrow, I want to be able to indulge in the sweet stuff.  I'll see how it works out. Sunday can be a calorie count or a "not counting but in control day".  I think it's important not to pull the rug out from our Sunday dinners. Overall, I feel ok about doing the best I reasonably can these next two weeks. It IS the Christmas season.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Good ice-cream

I had a hard time giving myself the gold star yesterday because the day just wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Amazingly, those 1250 cal were enough. And since I didn't suffer much, I feel as though I must have done something wrong. Nope! Yesterday was a bit extreme--but healthy eating isn't meant to be hard. I'm convinced that God meant food to be a joy and an abundant blessing. And for most people throughout history it HAS been. It's only because the time I happen to live in is unusually sedentary age that's unfortunately combined with a huge abundance of chemically doctored, and fat/sugar/salt laden foods. But I did great yesterday and so I get that star!

Today might be a little rougher. It's tomato day. Good food, but I'm just not quite in the mood for it. I'm hoping to be successful enough with this that Dave will join me in the New Year.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Ice-cream diet!

Today's a new day and it's ice-cream diet day. Perfect for the frigid weather. :)  This is one of the purely quack diet days I have in the envelope and it's fun. I don't know why it's fun, but it is. I'm eating 1250 cal, and then Dave has made me some cherry chocolate chip ice-cream for dessert--so the day will end up at 1500 or 1600 cal.

1250 doesn't feel like much and I'm sure I'll be hungry today, but I don't care. I have enough (even two snacks), and all the food is yummy.  The more days I have where I'm eating lightly rather than heavily the better. The clam chowder tonight will feel good tonight, and ice-cream always feels good even though it's not one of my primary weaknesses.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Addict eating

Wow.  I'm in the throws of addiction today and therefore do NOT want to write. But I think that I'd better.  I was feeling so good yesterday. I did great. The flavor point portobello mushrooms were good, but not as yummy as the hungry girl receipe.  I went to bed and woke up feeling slim and healthy. And then I put on a shirt. I still have it on under my sweater--but didn't this shirt used to be loose?? It's tight across the chest. And because of that I feel fat and worried that these efforts won't do a bit of good.

So I'm trying even harder to be moderate today right? HA!! That is what a normal person would do. I just finished some flat out addictive eating.  Today is a FREE day.  So food-wise, I can have whatever I want and it's technically ok.  I made today the free day because this morning is our office Christmas breakfast (always very good) and tonight is our RS Christmas dinner.

I don't regret the Christmas breakfast. It was a buffet and I ate too much bacon and I also ate a crossaint that I didn't want. Okay. It's a free day and it's Christmas time, so I'm willing to cut myself a little slack. What wasn't ok was lunch.

It was 2:30 and I still wasn't hungry. But I brought a pizza pocket (love those) and olives (love those) and a bag of grapes and cheese chunks (been craving those) with crackers. I love all those things, and now that I've eaten them I remember that I could have eaten them tomorrow or the next day (whichever is the ice-cream diet day).  But I'd been looking forward to them today, and I wanted them today. So like a little toddler who can't wait for anything I ate them today even though I wasn't hungry! THAT is the behavior that gets me into trouble. It shouldn't be that hard to resist, but it IS!

I'd like to think that I'll be moderate at tonight's dinner. If the food's not very tempting I might be. But if it's at all good I'm sure I'll gobble it down.

This IS partly in response to the knowledge that the next two days will be lean ones--a flavor point and the ice-cream (eat 1250 cal and a bowl of ice-cream) day, so there's an element of last supper eating going on.

Next time, I'm faced with a lunch or dinner I planned on but was not hungry for, I'm going to make an effort to get online here and write out when I CAN have it. Maybe that will help me to stop.

Monday, December 9, 2013


Counting Saturday and yesterday wasn't bad at all.  I'm really liking this. I feel as though it's gently applying the brakes in a way that works with my body as well as my mind. Don't know if it's resulting in any weight loss--if so, it will be very slowly, but I know it's beneficial---at least SOME control on almost all days and SOME days of excellent control.

Today will be a very well controlled day and it has the bonus of having to get up and shovel snow. It's kind of a funny day though. Flavor Point Day 30. A day of excellent summertime food. It's freezing cold out! But I'm enjoying my snack of apple slices and yogurt.  Tomorrow is a free day---good thing too!  Work Christmas party in the morning and RS Christmas dinner in the evening.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Slippery Slope

Yesterday as difficult as anticipated. I didn't eat the krisy creme doughnuts (not so much virtue as this just doesn't happen to be a weakness of mine), but I more than made up for it with Shandel's spicy crackers--love those things. And Jennifer makes these marshmellow balls that are to die for. Dinner was at Arbys, bad by default, but at least I "only" had jalapeno poppers instead of those AND mozzarella sticks and my own order of fries. Was full enough not to want any goodies at the festival except a chocolate dipped pretzel stick. But the worst sin of yesterday was on the way home when I ate the chocolate truffle Catherine bought. It wasn't that the truffle was so terrible calorically, but that I was really more than full with sweets as well as everything else from the day. I didn't want it, didn't need it, but ate it anyway.  Gave myself a silver star--for effort but with some serious problems.

Today was the ward Christmas breakfast. One of the few times when the people were honestly much better than the food. I'm aiming for 2000 calories today. Shouldn't be a problem, even though I couldn't count the exact amount at breakfast. I wasn't much tempted by any of it (especially the gray hashbrowns).

Next week when I have some time, I'm going to find some other blogs to follow. I want inspiration. Weight-loss blogs are notoriously flaky, mine included. When things are going well, we blog. When not, we go silent. Instead, I'm going to find some athletes--maybe Olympians? Cheer them on toward their goals and maybe follow their "no excuse" kind of example and the joy at fitness brings to them.

Friday, December 6, 2013

a few too many chocolates

Truly only a few too many chocolates, but still.  Yesterday was high-protein, and I was reflecting with satisfaction on how there were some brakes applied to my free day. Too much satisfaction and too few brakes yesterday. It wasn't a bad day, I gave myself a red star.  But there was a small chocolate from the front desk, and another from my own desk, and some dark chocolate from my cupboard, and a uber-loaded hot chocolate because Catherine made chocolate on a stick that you're supposed to swirl in, and a little too much popcorn when I finally came in cold from visiting teaching and wanting nothing more than to sit by the fireplace with something. But overall, much less than I might have eaten otherwise.

Today is "not counting but in control."  Control is tough today---birthday party at work with some goodies I really like, and the festival of trees tonight--literally no healthy food there and probably just a quick stop somewhere for dinner.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

An exceptional gold star

Yay!!!   Yesterday's gold star for me didn't come from rigidly following the plan--although I did that for breakfast and lunch. Dinner was supposed to be tilapia, asparagus and oven fries.  I was fully prepared to make that for myself.  Nobody at my house likes fish, so I was planning to make chicken for the others, or even let Catherine make pastrami burgers or whatever.  Instead, when I had got home Catherine had found a different receipe for tilapia--fish tacos from pinterest.  It had a delicious sounding sauce and she compared it to flavor point and her recipe actually had fewer calories. We didn't have tortillas, but we did have baked chips from corn tortillas.  I decided to let her make "fish taco nachos" instead---reasoning that the baked chips would take the place of the oven fries.  Her asparagus receipe was different, but equally healthy too.  and WOW!!  The nachos were REALLY good!  Good enough to make again even when I'm "not" trying.  And it was the best asparagus I'd ever eaten too (baked with olive oil and balsamic vinegar).

So YES!!  A gold star PLUS for yesterday!  Great recipes! Husband and daughter willingly ate a very healthy meal too. Progress toward genuinely learning to like fish and asparagus.  It doesn't get better than that!

Today is high-protien day.  Bacon and eggs for breakfast (never quite fills me up the way I think it should), but sufficient, chicken with buffalo sauce for lunch, good snacks, and I can have hot chocolate--nice when it's this cold!!!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Banana muffins

The buffet was a little smaller than last year, I didn't think I overindulged that much, but I guess I did. I was sleepy and sugar-stupified for most of the day. I didn't want any dinner either. At about 8, I decided that I probably should have something, especially since today is a flavor-point day and I didn't want to come into it overfed. I did all right. Just leftovers, I thought about having two leftover turkey burger patties, but realized that I wasn't really hungry and so just had one with a little cheese and buffalo sauce. I was pleased that even on a "free" day, something made me stop and think just a little bit. 

Today, is Flavor Point day 41. As usual, it takes a whole lot of cooking and planning, but the recipes are great. Flavor Point believes in healthy oils and it makes all the difference--not only taste and satisfaction wise, but feeling overall healthy too.  Anyway, breakfast was 2 banana chocolate chip muffins, and they are really good!  Usually baked stuff made with whole wheat is marginal, but these were great.  Lunch was very simple, but again, super tasty.  Black beans, corn, and tomatoes mixed with oil, balsamic vinegar and cumin, served on a big bed of fresh spinach and a whole wheat english muffin on the side.  I'd like some chocolate to finish it off, but I'll survive.

Later there will be a snack of baked chips and salsa. 
Dinner is not a thrill---tilapia and asparagus. But also oven-fries With oven fries, I can face a good deal. "Dessert" if I want it, will be an apple with a little lemon. That's good practice for me. Although fruits are sweet, I've never really bought the idea of a fruit as a suitable dessert.  That is a good barrier to break.  

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Red Star Day

Dave reminds me that those guys eating 3200 CALORIES A DAY, HOW COME I DON'T GET TO EAT 3200 CALORIES A DAY???!!! probably did a whole lot more physical labor than I do. True. And, again, those calories did not often come in the form of rich appetizers, such as I will enjoy today.

I AM liking my new plan. Originally, I had planned today to be from the Flavor Point diet and Friday to be a free day, but I got the invitation yesterday for the LDS institute Christmas lunch buffet.  I love that luncheon! Not just the food, but the atmosphere is wonderful. I suppose in theory, it is possible to eat reasonably, but this buffet features all my big weaknesses---cheeseballs, nuts, mini-meatballs, dips, little desserts.  I'll do my best, but truthfully, my "best" isn't very good in these situations. But it's ok!  I went home and rearranged the order of the days this week.  Now today is my "Free" day.  That means that Friday will be "not counting but in control"--that's a challenge for me on pizza day, but a challenge that I can manage. Better yet, I'm happy to control myself on Friday.  I love that I don't feel as though I'm "cheating" or "blowing my diet" for today. There is a Christmas buffet, but there isn't a sense of failure, or giving up or not trying. I'm doing fine and that feels fantastic.

Yesterday, I did fine as well, but I gave myself a red star for the day (good effort but not perfect). My food actually was perfectly on track. I allotted myself a whole cup of spaghetti noodles and a whole cup of sauce for dinner--plus spaghetti squash and an english muffin.  That turned out to be a super big serving!  I was actually quite full just a little more than half-way through.  But I was entitled to the whole thing and I ate almost all of it despite being full.  I also budgeted for a small slice of cheesecake. I could have done without it, but again, I was entitled! I had Dave bring me a small piece. The piece was still bigger than what I had in mind (still very reasonable though), but I ate the whole thing.  So, technically, it was a perfect day, but because I deliberately overate, I'm calling it a red star day. Good effort and I'm justifiable proud of myself.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Super sensitive!

Yay Monday!!  Actually, I got back on track yesterday because it was fast Sunday. But today I have some measure of control.  I'm just so amazed at how overly sensitive my mind is!!  The past few days I've been thinking about fighting this addiction, and it struck me that that's the right thing to do. I can't tell myself I'm resisting pizza, chocolate, buffalo wings or huge portions. I love all those things! I don't want to give them up---so telling myself anything that smacks of resisting those things doesn't work, because I perceive them as great things.  HOWEVER, I AM interested in fighting an addiction to those things. I like the idea of working toward being in charge of when I eat pizza etc.  It's fine to have pizza on Fridays and to enjoy it. It's not fine to eat 3 pieces when I'm not really hungry simply because it's there and I can't stop myself.  The other happy thought came from the lesson on Joy in church yesterday.  One idea is that there is joy in keeping the commandments.  Indeed there is! I've always known that.

Here's the question...Can there be joy in taking care of this body that God has blessed me with?  Of course yes! But that's hard to remember in the face of so many times when I don't want to take care of it. But there is joy in self-mastery, joy in obedience, and the obvious joy of looking and feeling better. I want to take joy in ruling my body rather than being ruled by it.

All great thoughts. Then in my psych class, looking at the study from world war two when they too 32 men and starved them and then re-fed them to see what would happen.  Sigh.  The three months when they were given a "normal" amount was 3,200 calories! All were around normal weight.  The "starvation" was 1500 cal! The teacher pointed out that the 1500 cal was not well balanced, it was was people were really eating--potatoes and turnips. Also, in the 1940's that 3200 cal was probably not high-fat high, sodium stuff. It was probably mostly organic and certainly not bacon cheeseburgers, fries and movie popcorn.  Doesn't matter.  I hear this and my mind starts shrieking, THEY GET TO EAT 3200 CAL!!!!!   1500 CAL WAS CONSIDERED STARVING!!!

Good grief.  Never mind that this whole weekend I've probably been eating something like 7000 cal of deadly food. Never mind that most of the planet for most of the history of the world eats more like 1000-1500 cal or less.  Darn it!  I was feeling pretty abundant this morning about today's plan (1900 cal--and it's quite plentiful too!), but now I'm not only hungry but feeling put upon as well.  I think I need to re-read that part about self-mastery again.  As I was planning today's food, I was struck again at how crazy it is to have a weight problem.  I can really eat a LOT at this level.  Here's today's food:

Breakfast--malt o meal made w 1/2 c of milk with blackberries.
Snack--5 dates
Lunch--wrap with ham, horseradish, spinach and peppers, 7 olives and some full cal (240) honey greek yogurt.
Snack--bagel with laughing cow cheese
Dinner--1 cup spaghetti noodles, 1 c sauce, as much spaghetti squash as I want, an english muffin with butter and garlic.

That puts me at 1621.  Leaving a little room for a small slice of super delicious pumpkin praline cheesecake. (Thanksgiving was so ridiculously abundant that I haven't gotten around to that yet).

Okay, I feel better for having written that out. It's not just the calories--but the richness, variety and abundance of food today.  I'm hungry now, but that's partly because I'm sure my poor stomach is so stretched out, it's going to take a bit to bring it back to normal. No help for that except to tough things out and be grateful for all I have--because it's a great deal more than most.