Yay Monday!! Actually, I got back on track yesterday because it was fast Sunday. But today I have some measure of control. I'm just so amazed at how overly sensitive my mind is!! The past few days I've been thinking about fighting this addiction, and it struck me that that's the right thing to do. I can't tell myself I'm resisting pizza, chocolate, buffalo wings or huge portions. I love all those things! I don't want to give them up---so telling myself anything that smacks of resisting those things doesn't work, because I perceive them as great things. HOWEVER, I AM interested in fighting an addiction to those things. I like the idea of working toward being in charge of when I eat pizza etc. It's fine to have pizza on Fridays and to enjoy it. It's not fine to eat 3 pieces when I'm not really hungry simply because it's there and I can't stop myself. The other happy thought came from the lesson on Joy in church yesterday. One idea is that there is joy in keeping the commandments. Indeed there is! I've always known that.
Here's the question...Can there be joy in taking care of this body that God has blessed me with? Of course yes! But that's hard to remember in the face of so many times when I don't want to take care of it. But there is joy in self-mastery, joy in obedience, and the obvious joy of looking and feeling better. I want to take joy in ruling my body rather than being ruled by it.
All great thoughts. Then in my psych class, looking at the study from world war two when they too 32 men and starved them and then re-fed them to see what would happen. Sigh. The three months when they were given a "normal" amount was 3,200 calories! All were around normal weight. The "starvation" was 1500 cal! The teacher pointed out that the 1500 cal was not well balanced, it was was people were really eating--potatoes and turnips. Also, in the 1940's that 3200 cal was probably not high-fat high, sodium stuff. It was probably mostly organic and certainly not bacon cheeseburgers, fries and movie popcorn. Doesn't matter. I hear this and my mind starts shrieking, THEY GET TO EAT 3200 CAL!!!!! 1500 CAL WAS CONSIDERED STARVING!!!
Good grief. Never mind that this whole weekend I've probably been eating something like 7000 cal of deadly food. Never mind that most of the planet for most of the history of the world eats more like 1000-1500 cal or less. Darn it! I was feeling pretty abundant this morning about today's plan (1900 cal--and it's quite plentiful too!), but now I'm not only hungry but feeling put upon as well. I think I need to re-read that part about self-mastery again. As I was planning today's food, I was struck again at how crazy it is to have a weight problem. I can really eat a LOT at this level. Here's today's food:
Breakfast--malt o meal made w 1/2 c of milk with blackberries.
Snack--5 dates
Lunch--wrap with ham, horseradish, spinach and peppers, 7 olives and some full cal (240) honey greek yogurt.
Snack--bagel with laughing cow cheese
Dinner--1 cup spaghetti noodles, 1 c sauce, as much spaghetti squash as I want, an english muffin with butter and garlic.
That puts me at 1621. Leaving a little room for a small slice of super delicious pumpkin praline cheesecake. (Thanksgiving was so ridiculously abundant that I haven't gotten around to that yet).
Okay, I feel better for having written that out. It's not just the calories--but the richness, variety and abundance of food today. I'm hungry now, but that's partly because I'm sure my poor stomach is so stretched out, it's going to take a bit to bring it back to normal. No help for that except to tough things out and be grateful for all I have--because it's a great deal more than most.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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