Danger, danger! I feel fat. My favorite Hawaii t-shirt was a little tight across the chest last night. NOT ok. But I have been having some new thoughts. I need to be careful not to freak out when I go in a good direction. The IE program emphasized eating whatever because often people have trouble with that. I think I have slightly less trouble eating chocolate or going to buffets than others might. But since IE is emphasizing eating freely--I need to be ok with the idea of NOT eating a lot if my body doesn't want it. Sometimes when I eat lightly or not at all (I haven't allowed this to happen often) a part of me freaks out--"OH NO! I'M GOING INTO DIET STARVATION MODE!! MY METABOLISM IS GOING TO CRASH!! or, even more common "I'M BEING DEPRIVED!!! I'M MISSING OUT!!! QUICK!! EAT AS MUCH AS I CAN SO I'M NOT DEPRIVED!!!" Not that I think any of this consciously--it just a powerful driving feeling that "I MUST EAT!!" IE suggests that that powerful drive will diminish if I will just refrain from dieting. Ok. I must also beware of "psuedo dieting"--that is saying that I'm eating intuitively, but really making my food decisions based on food police rules. Right now, I don't think I can distinguish between the food police and just not wanting food, or just making a decision because it's a healthy choice that I don't mind making. Whenever anything smacks of eating less or,heaven forbid a small amount, the inner sirens go off. Here's a major siren, "IF I EAT TOO LITTLE MY BODY WILL LEARN TO LIVE ON TINY AMOUNTS AND I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT A BIG MEAL AGAIN WITHOUT GAINING A TON OF WEIGHT!!!!--QUICK!!! EAT SOME MORE!!!"