Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Thursday, July 19, 2012

478 Healing the food relationship

Okay! Okay! I'm giving intuitive eating a go. Funny how these things come along--I really don't think I'm ready for it, but I'm being pulled strongly that way, and that often means that it's the right thing to do. I bought a nook version of the book last night and it is speaking to me much more forcibly than it did when I first read it. I've come a long way. One interesting insight---I've known about using food to cope with problems (I'm an expert at that), but I'd never considered dieting as a tool to cope with problems! I really think I do that. There are three areas of my life that trigger super strong emotions--my family, and also weirdly, my inability to do math, and my inability to lose weight. I'm furious at the way math is taught in America and I'm furious at diet programs. In both cases they promise but they don't deliver. This blog only narrowly escaped my latest weight watchers rant because I went out of town.

Why is that? I don't exactly know why I picked math and weight out of the hat of things that are faulty in this life, but I wonder if I don't use both of these subjects as safe places to direct emotions that are too angry and unsafe to express to my family. I bet I do exactly that--and one of the consequences is that I put up real resistance to becoming successful in either math or weight loss plans because if I succeed, then maybe the systems aren't so faulty after all and THEN what do I do with my emotions?

Maybe I CAN be successful with very gently healing my relationship with food--intuitive eater style now. I HAVE worked on the real problem of my family. I've opened myself up to my responsible sister even though I knew it would be painful. And I've been reaching out to my irresponsible sister. I've tried to be open with Dave and vent my feelings that way. In short--I'm determined to deal with the real problem and I have been dealing with it. Maybe my death grip on food right now is more of a matter of habit than of necessity. I'll be finding out.

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