Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Wednesday, July 18, 2012

477 More intuitive eating

I wrote yesterday's post on the run. Anyway---what about that burger? I wouldn't have wanted to miss it, but I didn't need it. Part of me is now saying to myself that I could have had half. But that never feels like a realistic option. Once I start eating when I'm not especially hungry the after burners turn on and i want every bit of food that's there.

I'm really thinking more and more about intuitive eating--obviously, I'm spinning my wheels. Part of me very much wants to commit to 1800 cal and enjoy losing weight--at least getting to the 170's sheesh!!! But I'm just not doing it! I don't understand why. I ate a good breakfast, I have a good lunch planned, I'm munching on fresh garden peas and even the pancake dinner tonight is fine. So why not count it and feel good? Because I DON'T WANT TO! I just want to move onto other things, but I'm afraid I'll put the weight back on. Not very afraid---I've lost it so slowly that I'll regain very very slowly too--plus I really am exercising more and am more aware. But aware enough to go it on my own? Hardly! Let's see....it's July, and I haven't lost an ounce since Christmas. In fact, I'm nervous about getting on the scale. Aggravating!! Even if I'd lost just one pound a month I'd be in the 170's now. I'm getting on the library website right now to see if they have the intuitive book and checking it out after work. What do intuitive eaters do about a Snake Pit Burger?

I have a real problem with rarity---the burger was a rare event--I literally may never have another. Can I ever look at something like that and just say, "so what?". This morning I was thinking about a gooey chocolate cake and wondering if I could ever just consider something like that as just food. That's all it is--just food. Tasty food to be sure, but could I ever eat that cake according to my real needs? I can well imagine eating three pieces of it one night and being satisfied by that for a long time and not needing any more of that particular cake or other sweets for a while, but I'm not sure that the next day I wouldn't want a pound of buffalo wings, and the next day something equivalently fattening. Although...I notice i haven't eaten any olives in the past weeks--I was craving them like crazy on weight watchers (probably because i wasn't eating enough fats), but I'm sure I've been eating so many fats lately that I don't need the olives. That's been very natural. However, also natural---we ate out every meal all weekend. Am I satisfied? Nope! I'd love to go to the Olive Garden tonight.

Arrrrghghgh! this addiction is driving me crazy!!!! It seems like it ought to be so simple and it just isn't.

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2 comments:

  1. Courtney at RRIJuly 18, 2012 at 10:40 AM

    The thought that we're going to spiral out of control if we indulge ourselves in a rare event is frightening, but you have to take a step back and see things as they really are rather than the worst case scenario. You can eat a piece of chocolate gooey cake as a rare event and still go back to a healthy way of eating the next day--and it's good to make a treat of things so we don't feel our way of eating is a punishment. :)

    However, if you're scared of your needs, you may need to get a better understanding of them. We all know we need to eat, but knowing why we're eating is the real key to weight loss. Take a look at the video in my link; it does a great job explaining our different needs, how we can get into bad habits around eating trying to fill them, and how we can replace those bad habits with healthier ones. You might find it interesting.

    I know at the very least you can make it to the 170s and even to whatever your final destination on the path is to better health. Best of luck!

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  2. AnneliJuly 19, 2012 at 3:03 PM

    Thanks for reading. I think you're absolutely right. One of the aggravating things for me is that I feel as if I'm so close! I have no problem eating the cake and getting right back on track--I rarely feel guilty about food. It sounds as though your tapes are along the lines of overeater's anonymous--a great organization!! I probably won't be buying your tapes just now--I want to explore OA more fully as well as intuitive eating, and private counseling, but best wishes to anyone trying to help people with this problem!

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