Huh! I could have sworn I posted yesterday--apparently not. I did well. We went to a baby shower that had a "dessert potluck". Talk about a normal diet disaster! It was nice though---I had what I wanted--a chocolate chip cookie. Then a sample of carrot cake, blueberry cheesecake, plain cheesecake, a stuffed animal cracker, another taste of carrot cake and one more cookie. That last cookie was a bit much perhaps, but I wasn't stuffed, but I was well and truly done with dessert. There was also a fruit tray and a veggie tray--I made the very non-diet decision to skip both. I'd had plenty of fruit already, and had just finished a big cabbage salad at home. I figured I was well nourished with fruits and veggies, I just wanted dessert. I tried a carrot with dip just to see if the dip was anything special--it wasn't. Dessert it was. Incidentally, it was also my first experience with anything gluten free. The mom has celiac disease so nothing had gluten. The cookies were made with buckwheat flour, rye flour and sorghum and I can honestly say there were some of the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever had in my life! I was tempted to stuff myself with one or two more just because I could, but I was saved by the thought that there were going to be a ton of leftovers, and I wouldn't have any problem taking a few home. I did, and they have been even better today.
Today also good. I made "baseballs" which I love, and some new healthy muffins. I did some gardening and some dance dance and as I was putting groceries away I realized that I was hungry even though I'd had breakfast. Normally, I would have just waited for lunch which wasn't far away, but I decided to "honor my hunger" and had a few wheat thins and mozzarella cheese. That cheese felt good. Technically a person can have cheese while on weight watchers, but it's such a high point food that cheese isn't a very practical choice. I had some cheese!! Perhaps it helped---I had 2 baseballs and more cheese for lunch also some doritos which I didn't measure, but I wasn't interested in eating a ton of them. I think I might have eaten less of them than if I had measured.
Dinner was our travel dinner in Seychelles. I wasn't very excited about it because it was a tuna based stew. But it was healthy, and reasonably authentic so I thought it worth venturing out of my comfort zone for. Quite good!! Dave likes it well enough to have again. I don't really, but he wants to start eating more fish--that would be good for me too. Not excited about that plan, but this tuna stew (with coconut milk) might be a good gateway into the world of fish. We had it over brown rice and had a fancy floats complete with swizzle sticks to go with it. I realized I was full before I finished. Neither of us liked the plaintain dessert I made--I don't think I would have eaten all of it even if I had been starving, but I wasn't hungry--we both threw the dessert away and I had another cookie.
It's going to be hard to change my focus away from losing weight and toward healing my relationship with food. Of COURSE I want to lose weight. That hasn't changed! And I'm glad the book was written by nutritionists--who remind me that the idea isn't to ignore good health. Only to learn to make choices according to what will make both my body AND my mind feel best. Not just eat the healthy stuff because of some rules.
Speaking of rules. They warn about black and white thinking. Usually they use the example of eating something like cake and thinking you've been "bad" or eating celery and thinking you've been "good". I don't have too much problem with guilt that way. But I think I might be engaging in black and white thinking when it comes to portion sizes. "Big is bad. Restaurants are bad. Small is good." I think I honestly believe this regardless of circumstances or my own needs. One personal experience against this kind of belief system---sometimes I have super "hungry" days where no matter what I eat I just can't seem to get full. Usually on those days I will EAT. I've learned not to worry about them, because I have never gained weight on a hungry day. I don't know if my metabolism just goes into overdrive once in a while or what--but I've learned to eat what I need then. I get into trouble when I eat a bunch of stuff I don't want just out of habit, or because I enjoy eating. Oddly, I get into trouble also on days when I'm not very hungry at all. I'm afraid to eat too little for fear that I'll trigger my body into going to the dread diet starvation mode. Silly, if I'm not eating much in response to my genuine needs--then I'm HELPING my body. I ate VERY lightly during the early part of my pregancy because I had no choice--my body insisted, and likely it was the best thing I could have done. Toddlers often eat next to nothing and then some days surprise everyone with what they can put away. The idea is to get back to that.
Long post, but some good learning going on I think.
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