I did weigh myself yesterday--188. Not great, but a relief that I'm not back in the 190's. It's also something of a confidence booster in that I really can trust myself not to gain a bunch of weight even in the face of holidays, vacations and a total lack of motivation. I've had one foot in the intuitive eating camp for years and the other one in the diet world and the rest of myself in a state of flat out rebellion. No wonder I'm confused.
As I've been reading along I'm not hearing a message of go pig out carte blanche--although that might be a beginning stage. I hope I've been eating often enough and heavily enough and recorded those "failings" here enough that I can begin to let go and eat what I want and need even if it's light and healthy. I began yesterday. It was kind of funny, I had to go to the dentist and I found myself saying to myself as I passed places--Little Caesars--I can have that, Sitara India--I can have that, Baskin Robbins--I can have that. It was fun. Of course I've been having all that all along, but never without feeling as though it was an exception to good eating for some reason. Then last night, the missionaries fell through so we went out to Lee's Mongolian BBQ--a dump of a place that a friend recommended. It was good. I stuffed my bowl full and added all the sauces they recommended including the oils--I didn't go crazy with the oils, but I did add some. They fried it all up on the spot and also gave us small bowls of rice, eggdrop soup and a really good sesame bread. I think I did really well!!! I kept reminding myself all through the meal that I could eat all of it, I could go back for seconds, I could eat some of it now and some of it later if I wanted, or I could eat some now and have something else later and take the leftovers to work, whatever I wanted I could have. The eggdrop soup was tasteless--I didn't eat any of that. I ate about 1/2 the bowl and the bread most of the rice and realized that I was full. Dave decided at that point to go back for a second bowl himself. Now what? Actually, it wasn't a problem. I was full. I knew I could have the rest of mine anytime--even right then if I wanted. I nibbled a little on my tasteless soup and bits of his bread--really not much. And thought I might have some homemade ice-cream later after my meetings.
By 8:30 during the last meeting my blood sugar must have been dipping. There was a big bowl of mini muffins. They didn't look at all appealing when the meeting started, but by 8:30 they did. I had one. It was great and I took another for the road--it was great too. I knew I could have whatever I wanted at home, but I wasn't really thinking about food. I never officially called a stop to eating for the night, but it turned out I was done after the muffins.
I haven't read up yet on what to do about "preventative eating". That's eating when you're not hungry because you know that you can't eat later when you will be hungry. That's always breakfast for me. I'm never hungry when I first wake up--always about 1 or 2 hours later. I could take breakfast food to work, but I already pack a lunch and don't want to take b-fast too. I always eat breakfast anyway (because I always can eat). Anyway, I don't think breakfast is much of an intuitive problem--I always eat what I want and it's usually pretty nutritious anyway. Lately, I've been indulging in a Hungry Girl suggestion of frozen pretzels--these are great! Heat one up spray it with butter spray and drench it with parmesan cheese and salt. I had one of those, some applesauce, 2 slices of bacon and some milk with Nestle's quick. With the exception of the chocolate that's a pretty normal breakfast and it clocks in at less than 500 calories--which I won't be tracking, but it IS nice to know that it doesn't take a 5000 calorie feast to satisfy me for breakfast. I forgot to pay attention as I was going along as to whether or not I was full before I finished or whether I still needed more afterward--but that will come with practice. I feel pretty good as far as that I feel happy and satisfied with the meal.
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