Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

485A afternoon munch

ok--this is going to be a very good thing. It's 3:45 in the afternoon and I want something to eat. Why? Good question! I'm plenty full from lunch. So why do I want to eat? What emotions are going on right now? I've got a few--brewing--none crisis level, but altogether...it's triggering the "I need to eat" signals. I'm tired, also headachy--I think I need to start taking Allegra again. I'm a little bored, I'm a little anxious because I sent an email to my sister--nothing big, but I've been enjoying a few family-free days and don't want that to stop, also balanced checkbook--sigh, also have a long night ahead--harp lesson I didn't practice enough for, a hot walk home (think I'll call Dave to rescue me), and two church visits at 7:00--one to an inactive stranger and one to a sister dealing with some major hostility issues (not directed at me). Lastly, I'm between books. I want to finish the Terry Pratchett, but I'm not really in the mood for it, I want to finish the Dick Francis which I love--but I've watched a lot of violence lately and I think I'm avoiding the dramatic bad guy show down that's coming.

Easier to eat than to stop and think what I'm feeling. But I'm glad I'm here in blogland thinking. Here's where weightwatchers breaks down. I have a 100 cal pack of popcorn here. On ww--no problem--I would eat it. But what would that solve? How will that teach me to manage being tired and unenthusiastic about my evening without food? Writing this has helped. My next appointment should be short. If it is, I'm giving myself what I really need--a brief nap.

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