Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Thursday, November 27, 2014


1. Macy's parade
2. Sesame st
3. Arthur's perfect christmas
4. Kids meal toys
5. Vaccines
6. The merc
7. Parades
8. Pride and p. and bbc version
9. Scripture headings
10. Daredevils
11. Sunday game night
12. Homemade bread
13. Harry potter world
14. Magicians
16. Puns
17. English accents
18. Marching bands
19. The weather channel
20. Edelweiss store

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Pre thanksgiving

I think we're all set for thanksgiving. truly, unless there is a major health problem! there's no reason to worry about food on thanksgiving! Christmas and he 4th of July.

1. Big hero 6
2. That the roads will be clear tomorrow
3. Creative people.
4. Stranded at plimoth plantation
5. Verna mead
6. Pentagon and and other Capella groups
7. Movie popcorn
8. Star Trek
9. Tigger tummy
10. Sheet music
11. A break from harp
12. Alarm clocks--handy if annoying
13. English.com
14. That I don't have a dog
15. The exercise bike
16.that the table fits in the living room
17. That I can spell
18. My old humor column
19. A working oven
20 fancy holiday cookware

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Contention and aussie bites

Boy I HATE, hate, hate contention of any kind! Dave had a tiff with his sister, Margie. Margie lives 2000 miles away. Still too close for contention. It's not realistic to expect to go through life without ever contending with anyone. For me, the good news that this is not really my fight, but the bad news is that I can't really do anything about it either. I suggested to Dave this morning that he should apologize, not for his opinion, but for making Margie feel bad. I feel like that's as far as I should go on this one.

Anyway. Thanksgiving break after today!!!! YAY!!!! And today is a nice day too. Only two more days of kettlebell class, thank goodness. I still want to do these workouts, but on my own time, and it will be nice not to have to change at work anymore. I suspect that I'll feel this in my arms tomorrow.
At work today people brought clementines and aussie bites. The aussie bites are these super-healthy little cakey things. I really liked them, but I looked at the calories 130. Fine, but I still had two. Ouch. It just reminds me how far off the track I am. One change I will make if I try my system again, which I probably will after all, is to make more of a point of COUNTING gentle exercise and DOING gentle exercise. Sometimes it's much more difficult for me to do a slow walk around the duck pond than it is to do a hard workout. That's because I imagine that the slow walk does nothing. IT DOES!! In my mind, it earns 50 calories for 1/2 hour.  I also had trouble with getting that first 1/2 hour of exercise in because in my mind it should be something that I consider "worth" doing--not just a lame lap. Well---that doesn't always come first. This time I'm going to appreciate the efforts I make a little more. Lame effort counts and I am determined to eat the calories accordingly--it will still be within moderate range but hopefully, I'll be able to be much more consistent if I lower expectations a little.

1. Gum
2. Margie--she's such a fun person
3. For time to clean house tonight
4. That I seem to have been able to nip that cold. I feel much better.
5. For the big bag of plastic fall leaves that Catherine found for me
6. That my rewrite isn't too bad--and neither is my final
7. That orientation is going well today
8. That the orientation shirt fits. (this isn't great. It's a size 2x because these are truly built weird, but it would have been super depressing if it hadn't fit.)
9. That Andrew called yesterday and the money should come soon.
10. That I'm presenting with Nikki who is so cute.
11. That I found out about how the bookclub lunch works
12. For an office door that closes
13. The other car is fixed!
14. I have tomorrow off
15. That Thanksgiving day will be clear--no snow
16. That Catherine could make pumpkin bread for the Gooches today
17. warm blankets
18. Dorothy Sayers movies
19. Good teachers
20. That Dave works with good people.

Monday, November 24, 2014

New Motto

This needs to be my motto for weight loss. Seriously, Just stop quitting. This will work well for harp for writing for running, for gardening for anything where I'm constantly having to regain ground.

I'm still working on my big questions---HOW can I make eating less feel like a sustainable lifestyle? How do I break this pattern?  First two or three days the diet is easy---it takes that long to clear the junk out of my system, then 1-3 weeks of reasonable good will, then crashing boredom and resentment. That's because none of the systems I have tried feel like a lifestyle change--they all feel like a diet. Exception would be the book, "You on a Diet" which emphasized eating real food. That concept feels like a sustainable change and I will continue to work on that, but the book degenerates into a horrific sounding diet at the end. I also need to address fear of being thin---not even thin, just a healthy weight. WHAT is the problem? Am I afraid of anger? Or is it not fear at all--just plain anger? I'll explore that a minute:

I'm finally a healthy weight

WHY didn't mom raise me to just BE this way???
Now there's no prom for me to go to.
It's too late to be popular in high school or college
Now I could have married the sexiest man on the planet
Had I done this earlier, my whole life would have been different!! I've missed my life!!!
I've missed my life AND now I'm stuck eating chicken breast forever.

I think I can answer most of these questions with just a little simple gratitude and good sense--I don't know if this will help, but it won't hurt.

Mom came from wartime Germany. She DID fix healthy, normal dinners. True, there weren't many veggies, and Mom and Dad had NO idea of sports, but I really wasn't very overweight despite all that. I only thought that I was. It isn't Mom's fault that I live in a world where ridiculous food is constantly being advertised and offered to me. There isn't anybody to blame here. This is a weakness--but everyone has weaknesses, if it wasn't food, it would certainly be something else just because none of us is perfect.

I missed prom. More than that, I missed dating a lot in general. This has FAR less to do with weight than it did with self-confidence. Jana, was heavier than I was and she was one of the most popular girls in school. Being overweight wasn't all bad--I hope I grew up to be a little more thoughtful than a flighty party-girl. I think I would have just liked the option to have been a party girl and feel cheated that I wasn't. But am I a party girl really?  a little bit. But fun for me is more being on vacation, or curling up with a great book or starting a new craft. I've NEVER liked small talk and I HATE peer pressure and jr. high politics. I think that would have been the same at any weight. I really just don't care that much about hair and clothes. I might have cared a little more if I had felt prettier, but I bet not that much more. ALSO--who says I would have been all that pretty or popular had i been thinner? I've never known what to do with my hair. There were lots of skinny unpopular girls. I can't blame weight for not having been popular. Note--maybe I was more popular than I give myself credit for.

Marry the sexiest man. UGH! My life would have been miserable had I married Stu or any of his self-centered look alikes. Not all good looking guys are self centered of course. I'm in a marital rut right now. Dave IS very good looking and smart and does dishes and laundry. He isn't very outgoing or openly friendly. Okay. Is that so terrible? No! He's a sweetheart who will help anybody. I can match him fault for fault anytime---probably beat him too. This is a pure case of the "grass is always greener." He's very patient with me and I can't imagine growing old with anyone else. It's the old regret that I didn't date a million guys. But Catherine's roommates ARE dating a million guys, and truly, I don't think I missed that much.

I missed my life!!  Baloney. I've had and continue to have the most amazing life. The only thing I've missed is being a Bimbo. I'd like to think that if I had been thinner I would have had more confidence and that would have translated into better grades, a better job and being a better person in general. Not so. My best friend was thin, beautiful and popular and she married straight out of high-school and had 5 kids. Yuck. I served a mission, went to college, and traveled all over the world. I would never trade lives. Maybe God put me in the circumstances to be given a weight problem to protect me from the bimbo aspect of myself and give me the opportunity to have an amazing life. It's okay to lose weight now so I can continue to have an amazing life.

I'll be stuck eating chicken breast forever. No. But I do need to consistently eat less than I do and it's true I have not resolved this happily. But that's not a past regret. It's a current one. But I like to cook, and I like healthy receipes. This is a big plus. I even like to exercise somewhat another big plus. I need to work on gratitude to conquer greed. Nobody ever talks about greed anymore. I need to hear messages on this.

THERE. It's safe to lose weight. I haven't missed my life and my husband is a dear who will support me 100%.

1. That I can skip class tonight and go to bed early.
2. That C was able to get to the dollar store for me.
3. That Ashley was a pleasant appt after all.
4. clementines
5. The institute Christmas lunch--so festive!
6. That I'm done seeing students today!
7. For fantasy artists
8. For airconditioning
9. For central heat
10. For running water esp hot--we didn't have it in Japan
11. For handy invention like scissors and zippers
12. The art of James Christensen and his puzzles
13. For the upcoming amazing disney legos
14. That Catherine can drive
15. German decorating--geraniums and white lace curtains
16. The great brain books
17. Shaun the Sheep
18. So glad for a long weekend.
19. That Dan fixed my printer settings today
20. Mom's rocky picture in my office

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Little snow

So much to be thankful for today! I'm still not in a very good place with food, but I feel a little better overall. I seem to work by opposites. I saw some people today that are a little heavier than I am and  have put on a little more weight besides. No thanks. I just don't want to do that. I'm also wondering about the wisdom of almost anything from the medical/diet community.  I read a good post about dieting myths, and another about what the real culprits of weight gain are. Are they milk and butter and meat that people have been eating for centuries with no problem? Or are they all the new processed foods and sugar and less exercise? Hmmmmmm.   This makes me wonder about two diet "facts" water and breakfast. I have no problem drinking a lot of water, but do I really need to stress about it? I don't think so. People didn't used to carry water bottles with them everywhere. The first thing people lose is always water weight---would that be because we're carrying around too much water?  Just a thought. I'm not planning on cutting back on water. I don't worry about it too much, and I think I'll keep not worrying. The other "fact" is breakfast. Yes, I know I need it to boost my metabolism and it's been proven that people who eat breakfast weigh less. But not everybody is the same. Often, I'm not really hungry for breakfast (Unless I'm dieting), I eat it because I'm "supposed" to and everyone tells me that I should. But I'm like Hollie in that way. Once I start eating, it's game on and I don't want to stop. Might it not be better to delay the start? I think I'm going to experiement with less or no breakfast (assuming that I really don't want anything just then). Does that really make me voraciously hungry later? If not, and I don't miss it, then that's at least 300-500 calories less everyday without effort.

I missed posting yesterday, but it should be easy to think of things I'm grateful for.

1. That the car is running so beautifully!!!
2. That it isn't leaking oil!
3. That I could go to Provo yesterday and get Catherine
4. That Catherine might be making a little medical headway
5. That she really wanted to see me.
6. That I got to do some Christmas shopping in the bookstore and art museum.
7. That we got to go Thanksgiving grocery shopping and buy so many wonderful things.
8. That I have Wednesday off to cook
9. That the weather on the way to Provo was clear
10. That although it rained on the way home, it wasn't torrential and I have good tires and felt safe.
11. That the weather was perfect for the drive to SLC today.
12. That Riley did fine in the Primary Program.
13. That Lisa fixed us a delicious lunch
14. For the funny kids in the program
15. For Lisa's good lesson that inspired me to set some real harp goals.
16. That my psych paper is at 88% so the rewrite should definintely put me in the A range.
17. That we're going to POLAND this summer!!
18. That Dave is back safe
19. That the radio didn't work yesterday so I could practice my talk
20. That I got to cuddle Catherine while watching Sherlock yesterday

1. That Catherine is becoming my best friend ever
2. Our new Christmas Shaun the sheep video
3. The cute wooden trees we bought at the expo.
4. The AMEX card that allows us disasters like the car
5. For a break from nursery today
6. For the video that Lisa showed her class
7. For the loveable people in our ward
8. That I can sing
9. That none of us have to go anywhere far this week
10. For sunday naps
11. That personal peace is possible
12. Lysine for cold sores
13. That our time on this earth is limited
14. Nutella
15. dips and spreads
16. My book of victorian mysteries
17. Dorothy Gilman
18. calulators
19. Morgan, and her love of the Lord
20. Our new SSC shirts.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Stupid and addictive

I came very close to doing something stupid yesterday and ordering a quack diet pill. Those things are so tempting. The rationale for me is, "Who cares if it's a little dangerous? Being overweight is dangerous!"  But no. I did some internet research and of course there's no real research. Disappointing. If there were a pill I'd buy it like that. I'm not in a very good place with food just now. I'm frustrated and over-full. Here's one problem. Yesterday after the big lunch, I was full. But I WANTED to be hungry for dinner so I could eat rolls and dipping sauces and bacon. Tonight too. I have a totally free night. I even walked home from work early to pick up the car to pick up the newly fixed car, so I can drive home and not feel guilty. I'm going to put up the outdoor Christmas tree and do a little cleaning and Thanksgiving planning, but mostly I'm going to kick back and watch Sherlock. AND I want food with this. I want to be hungry and I want to satisfy that hunger with something appealing like mall greek food, or maybe Zupas, or maybe costa vida. I don't know, but I don't want anything reasonable. In the back of my mind I think I was fantasizing about my pregnancy eating. That was intuitive and I lost a TON of weight ---or at least 30 pounds very quickly. I figured out that I can't do that. I'm not pregnant and not nauseous and my appetite is back to it's normal voraciousness. When I was losing weight being pregnant I probably was eating 1200 cal or less. It's what my body AND mind wanted then. My mind now wants more like 5,000 cal a day and my body is saying, "Sure, bring it on." I CAN'T diet. Literally. Sure I could go back to my program and that's going to last how long? It's still tempting, because it's much more agreeable to me then weight watchers was and I did lose weight on weight watchers. Could I lose even more on my plan before I self-destruct? Can I stick to it long enough to actually hit maintenance? I'm I approaching the "I'm so fed up with being fat that I'll do anything?"  Yes.  I often wonder if I had done something more reasonable than the Diet Center in college if I would have succeeded? I got quite far, but it was a ridiculous program. If weight watchers was anything realistic would I have gotten farther last time? i don't know.

Wow---many hours later. Not sure what happened. Whatever it was it was the voice of pure addiction. Full blown mind freeze automaton behavior. I was moderately hungry. I went to Costa Vida and got a sweet pork quesadilla with double sour cream and guac and chip and salsa AND queso dip. Took it home, and finished the first episode of Sherlock and all of the quesadilla and a good half of the chips. I'm stuffed, but I want a reeses cup too. What is this?? I seriously considered trying my plan again in January which does several things. Undermines any trust that I have in myself that I can even stick to a plan NOT to diet, while giving me relief that the problem will be addressed soon while still allowing me to eat like a pig tonight and all the next month. This is wholly impervious to logic. What am I trying to do? Gain as much as I possibly can--maybe as a buffer so that even if I lose weight I'll still not go below what I'm comfortable with? Whoa. Gotta explore THAT thinking. What's so scary about being normal weight? Do I really think I'll suddenly be Sandra Bullock knockout gorgeous? I'm 50 years old! But I do have nice proportions. I will look a lot better. Am I afraid of being discontented? Why? I can do anything I want. More, if I'm normal weight.

More thinking about that later. For now, there is LOTS to be grateful for today

1. The car is fixed!!
2. I can drive it to Provo tomorrow and get my girl!
3. She doesn't have to have exploratory surgery
4. We can go Thanksgiving shopping together.
5. Christine sent an email today
6. The car has new tires, so even if it rains/snows I should be ok.
7. Daves plane arrives at the most convenient possible time.
8. Last night's lecture was interesting
9. Fun books at the library today
10. I didn't feel like spending a million dollars at Deseret Book
11. The Ogden temple is open
12. Jill said yes to the office Christmas tree.
13. Chris Marx has a new grandbaby and seems to be recovering from her weber disaster
14. Printing out the banners for Major Fest won't be that hard
15. Beautiful warm day! I walked to work and set up the outside tree
16. My addiction, while bad, could be sooo much more dangerous
17. Wise books/people that help me to understand/forgive Christine
18. That I kept track of everyone's donation so I could easily refund it yesterday
19. That I feel needed in this world
20. That "A Christmas Carol" was checked in so I can use it for my talk.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

The first good enough lunch

Oh dear--I did indeed plot out a good enough homemade roll lunch. All I can say is that it works out to be a WHOLE lot less than I ate yesterday. Sigh. I wish I didn't want so much. Unless I'm recovering from the flu, I just plain want too much. Oh well---carry on, carry on, carry on and try not to mind too much that none of my clothes fit? Breakfast today was fine, I wasn't hungry so I only had a banana and a little oJ and a string cheese. Had a good workout in kettlebells. Lunch?

It was an appreciation buffet. Salad, pasta, bread stick, and really good chocolate cake. Control? Are you kidding? The only control was peer pressure and it didn't exert much influence. I wonder if left to myself I would have chosen differently? It would have been at least equally bad---two breadsticks for a starter, but I might have had smaller portions and 2 pieces of cake. Or maybe the same portions and two pieces of cake? Maybe it's good my co-workers were there. We'll see what happens for dinner. Dave is out of town so I don't even have to pretend to have good sense.

Since Pizza is an obvious Friday night regular meal, I will sit down and work out a "Good Enough" version of this. "Good Enough" here is going to be 800 cal.

1. That Dave is in San Antonio safely
2. The enrollment services appreciation lunch--nice surprise--nice cake
3. Craft stores
4. Internet White pages
5. That I don't seem to have downloaded a virus
6. hershey's kisses
7. Calorie guides
8. thin lenses for glasses
9. That I know right from wrong (generally at least!)
10. ear muffs
11. I'm hugely humbled when I go to Make-A-Wish and see the kids' wishes and realize that I have done almost all of them. My life is rich
12. That I've gotten to sing with the Tabernacle choir
13. That I made chorale in high school--it meant a lot to me.
14. That corsets are no more
15. For inspiring students
16. That I didn't have to be a first gen college student--hard road!
17. At the moment, that I don't live in Buffalo
18. warm blankets
19. That i haven't been too sleepy today despite weird sleep last night
20. The live turkeys while I worked at ACT

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

how can I eat less??

The big question today and always...HOW can I eat less?  Really. HOW?? To eat less means that on that day or at that minute I want to lose weight more than I want to eat. There are times and days when the misery of being fat DOES overwhelm the desire to eat. But not all the time. Not even most of the time. I was thinking if I could just take things day by day--What could I do TODAY to be successful? Well...I'll walk home, I can drink water, I can exercise my knee. But in addition to all that (which I normally do anyway), I need to eat a little less. What is "a little?" does it mean giving up my second roll that I brought for lunch? Because, these are homemade rosemary rolls and I brought oil to dip them in and I'm looking forward to them WITH the cheese. So, no that won't work. Breakfast was pretty good, but then, breakfast usually is. Snacks? Dinner? Sigh. The daily "think ahead" simply feels like too much effort. I still LOVE Dr. Oz's concept of eating real food. I can do better with vegetables. But I don't want to blow up to 250 while I'm "doing better" with veggies. Changes are simply going to HAVE to be things that I really will do daily. There are a lot of things that I habitually eat. Can I make small changes there? over time, that should add up. I like the feel of that. I just struggle with impatience. For example. I used to habitually eat two tortillas any time I made fajitas. Now I habitually eat one, but I go back and have a little extra. Back to writing stuff down--identifying if it's habitual AND looking for an improvement. Also, I think it's important to acknowledge when I've made it. When what I'm doing is Good Enough--it never feels as though anything is ever Good Enough. But much of what I do is and I need to celebrate that, and BUILD on that.

Today--I had a GOOD ENOUGH breakfast!

Cream of wheat made with milk, and berries. A small glass of OJ. Two slices of bacon.

Yes, the bacon could go---but I love it, it's only 90 cal and overall my breakfast was GOOD ENOUGH!!

Lunch will be: a lipton cup of soup, 2 rosemary rolls, a good size slug of olive oil, mozzarella cheese an apple, a small brownie---like the infamous 1/16 of the pan size.

     Ok---this is a semi-habitual lunch--although I usually don't indulge in the olive oil. I carefully avoided looking at the amount of calories the oil will have. I also usually add olives to this, but today I forgot.  Here's what I will do---TODAY I will figure out how to make this lunch 600 cal. That's still a hefty lunch--but it's a GOOD ENOUGH lunch. If each of my meals really did equal 600 cal or less I'd be in good shape--especially, with a lighter breakfast.

I think I'll start a little recipe looking file--with my favorite lunches, dinners and snacks. When I make lasagne--MY lasagne, what is a 600 calorie meal? Because you know there has to be garlic bread involved.  This is sounding good to me. Kind of a very modified gentle calorie count based on what I really eat. I can also add "bonus" healthy points to help me remember to do them. For example--I could have put cinnamon on my cream of wheat. Sometimes, I do use whole wheat flour when I make rolls, although I don't like that as well--so it isn't mandatory, but Yay me if I do it.

Actually, I think I have room in my regular yellow reciepe book for the first installments of Good Enough Meals. It's a start. I feel a little better now.

1. That Andrew the banker came to work today
2. That the trust might be transferred by Christmas.
3. For Laura Levine silly mysteries. (I think I'll write her a thanks)
4. That I don't feel compelled to have plastic surgery--I'm ok (sort of) with getting old
5. That we have enough to give to others
6. That the Gooch's can lend us a table for Thanksgiving
7. For fall leaves
8. Sherlock Holmes
9. Dad for exposing me to the wonder of books
10. Discovery of olives
11. Japanese bathtubs
12. The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
13. The dali lama--and Portrait of Tibet
14. For people who annoy me, because I can see I have things to work on
15. For internet news--all those pictures of buffalo new york!
16. For piles of Christmas catalogs
17. For the lightning fast WSU copy center
18. That I like to shovel snow
19. For our fireplace
20. For the google drive

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

fast lunch

How can people like to eat fast? Especially heavy people? Slow eating is one good habit that I cherish. I don't know if I eat any less because of it, but since eating is my favorite thing, I like to make it last as long as possible. I'm thinking of it now because I was a judge for FBLA this morning and although my lunch was free, it was rushed which I hate. All my speakers talked about child labor and sweat shops. Unbelievable that such things could be happening now, in my modern world. 

1. That I wasn't forced into child labor
2. Or prostitution or any other horror
3. For mission emails
4. That I got to judge FBLA
5. That my sweet husband will always support me, drive me etc. 
^. That my final exam is a take home
7. That I can take a class in cognition next sem. How interesting is that??
8. That I can walk home today
9. That I can have a warm dinner and hot chocolate after I do
10. For visiting teaching--it's a pain, but worth it.
11. For ethic food
12. That I"m not color-blind
13. For the sheer goodness of the lives of my co-workers
14. For sleep
15. That I've had 50 years of good health
16. That David and Linda recorded Mom before she died
17. That Amie's little girl is ok
18. That Catherine doesn't have ADD
19.  That I don't weigh 600 pounds
20. Encyclopedias

Monday, November 17, 2014


I ran a metabolic formula on the internet supposing that I weighed 155. The base calorie need for that is about 1400 PLUS any kind of physical activity bumps it up several hundred calories. 1800 cal should be about my magic happy place. And the really happy thing is that 1800 cal is doable. Sort of. when I'm not constantly derailed by exceptions which I always am. But it's nice to know that what I'm shooting for is not a life sentence of water and celery sticks. Or even "delicious" meals consisting of 4 pieces of shrimp (ala a weight watchers commercial). I need to do MUCH better, but at least the goal isn't completely impossible.

1. That I got Mom's SS number
2. That Lisa isn't mad at me about finding the SS number
3. That tomorrow is payday
4. That I might get out of class early tonight
5. That I got a head's up about the FBLA competition
6. That escape the room is in Salt Lake!
7. That I don't suffer from horrible food allergies
8. Carol Burnett
9. Dorothea Dix
10. That it'll be warm enough to walk to work next week
11. That medical care is so easily available
12. For a terrific primary presidency
13. For CS Lewis and all of his work
14. Pretty drives to Logan with the cheese factory at the end
15. The waterfall canyon trail
16. Rainbow gardens--great random shopping
17. That Mom's grave is close
18. That I know I'll see her again
19. That the city is taking our house--so we get to move w/o worrying (much) about selling
20. For meaningful work

Sunday, November 16, 2014


I had such a fun day yesterday! We took the train to the Sandy Expo, but we were all hungry so we decided to stop for lunch before seeing the Christmas Gift Giving expo. I forgot that one of my favorite restaurants is right there. We ate at the Southwest Cantina. I like this place because it has a salsa bar and you can have as many chips as you like. I ordered my favorite fattening smothered jalapeno cream cheese chimichanga. But at least I split the meal. Hopefully that counts for something.

I enjoyed plenty of free food samples at the expo, but I didn't need/want or eat the pastries that Dave bought later. There was no discipline in this. It's simply where my food habits are. The problem is that my food habits are simply set 50 degrees too high and I'm having a devil of a time changing them.  I spent a lot of time walking and standing and I hopefully spent a lot of calories trying to stay warm as we waited over an hour in 27 degree weather for the train.

1. Really happy moments
2. Seeing Helmut and Janet
3. That Catherine could leave her backpack with Helmut and Janet
4. Free Samples
5. Little girls trying to dance
6. The peruvian wood booth and other wonders I saw yesterday
7. That I have a warm house
8. laughter
9. The truth of, "This too, shall pass"
10. Lord of the Rings
11. Alexander McCall Smith
12. Nativity scenes
13. Launa Dickson for her help in nursery and the great job she does with choir
14. Heros, like Mahlala and the Afghan Women's cycling team. I hope they make the Olympics
15. The Olympics
16. Charlie Brown Shows
17. The far side
18. Calvin and Hobbes
19. The sacrament
20. A new pillow

Saturday, November 15, 2014


Ugh!  I left my food list at work,but the important thing is that for dinner I ate three pieces of pizza, a salad and a hefty number of chocolate chip cookies with milk. The good news is that at least I was overfull. The bad news is that I ate it at all. WHY did I do that to myself?  I think the reason is the no-longer baggy pants. My knee is being very slow to heal too---a direct result of being overweight. These things trigger a, "diet is coming soon" mentality and so I start eating like every meal is my last. At least I think that's what's going on.  I don't want to go back on a diet. It doesn't work. I hate being this weight. But I also hate the misery of dieting only to arrive right back here . I'm in no mood to be moderate today either. We're going to the big Christmas gift show, and the part I like best (naturally) is all the free samples. How do I eat less without undereating so much that I cause a revolt? But yet make progress?? How do I measure progress without the scale or the tape measure which causes rebellion?

I'd better think of some gratitude pronto!

1. This blog
2. National Geographic
3. Silly Christmas music like Grandma got run over by a Reindeer
4. Great music like the messiah
5. The Vienna boys choir and their Christmas dvd
6. Playing bananagrams on the train
7. Helmut and Janet
8. Edelwiess store
9. Dry Erase Boards
10.That I don't have to teach elementary school
11. bell ringers
12. The inspiration I'm getting for my talk.
13. body wash
14. waterparks
15. popcorn strings
16. pinterest
17. the waterfall landscaping on my way to work
18. snowplows
19. All weather tires
20. scented candles.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Not baggy

ACK! My "baggy" jeans aren't baggy just now! They fit perfectly. This scares me. I've also decided that I have no concept at all of how to eat lightly. What were the problems yesterday?

Breakfast: I wasn't all that hungry. Should I not have eaten? Should I have just brought a snack to work?
thin bagel with cream cheese, about a 1/2 cup blueberries with milk and spenda, also a glass of milk.
I guess I could have done with less milk.

Snack: trail mix made of walnuts, dates and dk chocolate chips. I didn't mean to eat it all, but I did. It felt good after kettlebell. Was this a mistake? or listening to my body. Could I have thrown 1/4 of it away? Would I then have been overly hungry for lunch?

Lunch: Tasty Thursday. Small sample of African chicken soup. A few sips of a weird drink, and a bite of the apple cinnamon dessert. Sandwich made with good bread, horseradish, deli roast beef, mozzarella cheese, spinach and tomato. Could I have thrown a few bites of that away at the beginning? (Much harder to not eat it all at the end).Olives---ok, I could have had less of those.

Snack: a little movie popcorn. We got the popcorn machine going. Totally unnecessary--I didn't even want it. But I had a few handfuls.

Dinner: Manwich wings, 2 bacon cream cheese rolls, sweet potato fries, blue cheese dressing, ketchup, a few raw veggies.  Those rolls are supposedly only 125 cal each, but probably not when loaded with cheddar. I wasn't particuarly hungry for dinner either. I didn't take what looked like a huge amount, but if it was more than I wanted, then it was too much!

Dessert---didn't want any for once!

I dunno. It's so hard to remember on a daily basis that small choices matter. And I have to be careful. For example, we're going to a Christmas fair tomorrow. Am I more likely to buy a scone if I think I'm being "good" by throwing away a few bites of it? Or is the truth that I would have skipped the scone altogether otherwise. So hard to be honest in the middle of the fight.

1. Thanksgiving dinner at my house!
2. Catherine's coming home tonight.
3. The Christmas fair
4. That I found the Christmas tree jubilee
5. The African music station
6. That I could schedule therapy after work
7. Pan crust pizza at papa murphys
8. that the librarian helped me find the dvd's I wanted and they were ALL checked in!
9. Jamie at work who is so fun to talk to.
10. That it's Friday!
11. The the cat's fur is soooooo soft.
12. sweats
13. That Dave cleans
14. That Dave is so patient with me.
15. That no trial lasts forever.
16. That my boss doesn't hover
17. Christmas stockings--such a fun tradition
18. sauces, chutneys, spices
19. Dorothy Sayers--and the BBC adaptations
20. Amazon.com

Thursday, November 13, 2014

portions? Anyone?

Crud! I've totally let go of the idea that portions mean anything. The concept of small just doesn't compute. On the plus side, I was able to walk to work yesterday--just in time for the cold snap. Kettlebell class is interesting too. I've discovered that I can work MUCH harder and longer than I think I can. I've also discovered that I don't like to. I should have been a farmer like my grandparents. I still wouldn't have liked it, but I wouldn't have had any choice either. I have at least tracked my food. And I'll catch up on gratitude too. :)

Nov 11.
Breakfast: Jimmy Dean sandwich, banana, milk, ok
snack: cracklin oat bran, mini reeses cup
Lunch: sm. amount of soup, the end of the summer sausage, bread and butter, two cookies, apple.
Snack: a reasonable amount of movie popcorn--$1 size
Stagecoach restaurant for dinner: western omelete, hashbrowns, 1 1/2 hotchocolates (I was freezing) a couple bites of cherry pie.
exercise: kettle bell

Nov. 12

Breakfast: muffin, milk, oj
Snack: string cheese
Lunch: chicken with frank's hot sauce (too hot!!), blue cheese, olives, 1 reeses cup, bread and butter, plum.
Dinner--very late b/c visiting teaching.  sugar cookie, chicken with gravy, potato, milk muffin

1. That I've become the "fun" project person at work
2. That I don't have to drive far today
3. For the first snow!
4. Gingerbread cookies
5. The book stranded at plimouth plantation--I read it every thanksgiving
6. That Lisa has a house big and nice enough for gatherings.
7. That our neighbors seems to have taken their dog inside.
8. That Erik seems to have forgiven me.
9. For online language courses
10. for online art courses.
11. Joanne's fabrics
12.  Dinosaurs and museums
13. toilet paper
14. ear muffs
15. cans of frosting (I"m not a good frosting maker)
16. the travelenvelope
17. The new testament--esp the beattitudes
18. That I got to work at REM
19. That I'm not in a wheelchair
20. For Kelly's example of dealing with a major illness with grace.

1. That there's so much laughter at work
2. That I can nap at work
3. That I can walk to the bank
4. That I get immediate notice if I'm overdrawn
5. That I can read
6. That my parents loved me.
7. That a spaceship has landed on a comet!
8. For the exercise bike
9. For concrete blocks and pressboard shelving
10. For our game closet.
11. That I got to sing in Mormon Youth
12. That I got to serve a mission
13. General Conference!
14. That some of the nursery kids will be leaving.
15. That Catherine wasn't a difficult baby
16. For the Taylor's testimony of Christ.
17. For Bro. Davenports updates
18. For the tv trays we inherited
19. For a two car garage.
20. That I dont' have to be on a swim team.

1. That it's Dan and not me doing the data today
2. That I think I can get to the library and get the mafia dvd 's
3. That we live near Yellowstone
4. For the Disney Sunday movies when I was growing up
5. For Tricia's friendship and her family
6. For Debbie
7. That my wedding reception was on the patio--not in the gym
8. That I've shaken the hand of a prophet
10. For Kyle and his love of zoology
11. For Nadine Riddle--so loving
12. That Stephonie Williams is my facebook friend
13. That I COULD publish my diet book
14. That I didn't marry Jeff or Stu, or much worse, Ken
15. That I was born middle-class. Not too rich, poor or famous.
16. That I discovered Pride and Prejudice
17. Many of the PandP spin offs
18. That it's so easy to get help at Weber
19. That English is my native language--helpful in today's world!
20. For my little scripture a day calendar

Tuesday, November 11, 2014


Darn, I was reading about hypothyroidism, sounds like it's hard to diagnose until you really have severe problems. I still want that magic pill. Oh well. Leg is definitely better. Tomorrow I'll try and walk both ways to work.

Breakfast: thin bagel with garden veggie cream cheese, milk, oj, 2 slice bacon.
Lunch: 2 slices of pizza (how come it's not as filling when it's a leftover?) cabbage salad with blue cheese crumbles and olives, reeses cup, 1/2 fun sized kit kat, plum
Snack: jalapeno nuts
Not hungry enough to eat dinner before class, but I should have, I felt exhausted during class. I had jalapeno nuts, a little brie, a mini reeses, a mini almond joy, and one small chips ahoy cookie (boy, those have gotten small and cheap tasting--never buying those again)
Dinner back home: Slice of good bread and butter, cheddar cheese. milk.

1. We don't have to buy a new car! Just a new engine (much cheaper)
2. Escape the room coming to SLC
3. Vocal Point
4. yesterday's sunset
5. silly stuff like the Nearly Naked Mile
6. movies at the megaplex
7. movie popcorn--don't need it, but it's so good!
8. Bryan on facebook, he's so funny
9. Lily, our best catsitter
10. Harry Potter world
11. That panty hose are no longer in style.
12. Paid vacations!
13. People who adopt
14. refrigerators
15. Mr. Rogers
16. Nelson Mandela
17. George Washington and David McCauley for writing the book that brought him to me
18. Warm slippers
19. Crystal Hot Spring
20. Cherry Blossoms

Monday, November 10, 2014


Walked to work today. It went well. i think for me, lots of heat and movement in the right way work well for my body. My leg feels fine, but otherwise, I'm beat. Too much computer, or maybe just too much anticipation of a long class ahead. No matter--the day is still filled with wonderful things.

1. Got the whole NYC trip up in my blog.
2. That I've seen New York!
3. That I walked to work
4. That fall is lingering.
5. That Dave can pick me up to take me home.
6. That I can take a sick day if I need to.
7. Dick Francis books
8. Dan's help with my blog.
9. That I could donate to Sammy's dog
10. To work on campus with Dave
11. Free online art classes!
12. That I can literally go anywhere or do anything I want.
13. Kind relatives like Aunt Mary Jo.
14. Dad's willingness to always help
15. Books on tape and CD
16. That I didn't have to wear braces
17. That I got to live until 50 (and hopefully much more)
18. hot chocolate and fireplaces
19. Escape the room in SLC
20. That my house is usually filled with happiness.


Careless accounting. I don't know what's gotten into me. From memory again.

Breakfast: 1 pancake, a little fruit, milk, diet juice
Snack: two hershey's kisses
Lunch. 1 slice pizza, olives, small amount of butternut squash soup. milk and muffin
Snack: popcorn with olive oil
Dinner: Porkchops and peaches, acorn squash
Dessert;  Did well here! Had planned on another muffin, but was fine after one pumpkin chocolate chip cookie. Had some diet hotchocolate instead and was more than satisfied.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

My daughter just posted that she's thankful I taught her to play the piano. MADE MY DAY!! Those are the important things. Today, the thankful things come first.

1. Catherine's post
2. braces and other physical aids
3. This gorgeous day
4. That I can walk to work tomorrow
5. the superiority of ducks and geese
6. legos
7. The Bishop
8. All the help we got in nursery today
9. our new bed
10. digital cameras
11. The wind and the willows
12. That the Ogden temple is open
13. CS. Lewis
14. popcorn
15 Weight watcher recipeis, for as much as I complain about WW. I AM grateful for much.
16. Sunday naps
17. Saturday morning cartoons
18. Sunday evening documentaries.
19. That Catherine is near enough to come home
20. That she was accepted to BYU

Yesterday's food.

Got up early and went shopping with Dave. He got a doughnut. I was glad to find out that I didn't want one.

Breakfast. ww thin bagel with chive and onion, banana, milk?  Later a chocolate chip, raspberry pistachio muffin.
Lunch: 2 jalapeno biscuits, olives, another muffin
Dinner: a big cobb salad with lt. dressing, most of a slice of bread
Dessert: some dark chocolate.

Saturday, November 8, 2014


Ooops. Didn't do so well having pizza last night. Too much pizza, too many cookies.  Oh well, try again another day. Out of rebellion for doing poorly yesterday--and in defiance of having to change any habits whatsoever, I have made chocolate raspberry pistachio muffins for breakfast this morning. let's just pretend that makes sense.

Yesterday's food.

Breakfast: jimmy dean, banana, milk and oj
Snack--cracklin oat bran,  later 1/2 funsize kitkat
Lunch--squash lasagne, 2 sm. slices bread, little yellow tomatoes with feta cheese and olives. 1 cookie, fun size bag m&m's.
Dinner--2 slices of spicy fennel sausage pizza on pan crust, cabbage salad with feta and olives, 2 bacon jalapeno biscuits.
Dessert--diet hot chocolate with whipped cream, and three cookies that I didn't need or want.

1. Spices
2. Christmas gift wrap
3. Sleeping in on Saturdays
4. John Denver
5. Dr. Fowler who got me to Aruba!
6. repentance
7. Extreme athletes and those who climb Everest and explore dangerous places
8. The new air-conditioner in nursery.
9. That my parents valued education
10. That I'm not extremely famous
11. Stars
12. Quirky places in the world.
13. Buess pond
14. Kathy's pies.
15. raking leaves
16. children's books
17. The idea of virtual traveling
18. Zims
19. Siegfried's deli
20. knitting

Friday, November 7, 2014

Forced hot chocolate

Hopefully, things have stabilized weight-wise, so now things can proceed to go downhill in the weight world.
 Breakfast: jimmy dean, banana, milk and oj
Snack: cracking oat bran
Snack: Reeses cup---no fair! A student came in with a questionnaire about kids and healthy habits, and then passed out reeses cups as thankyou.
Lunch: small amount of cheese soup, 2 sm slices bread, apple, end of the salami (2-3 oz--probably a  hefty calorie load there), 1 cookie
Dinner: ham on a pretzel roll, chips and pickle spear from cornerstone bakery--YUMMY!

Dessert:---I wanted some cookies right after dinner, but decided to do a few other things first. By the time Dave came home and I was all settled, I didn't really want cookies. But I'm still trying to convince myself that I CAN have what I want. So I made some 20 cal hot chocolate and had one cookie. Maybe next time I'll just feel like, "meh" and skip it.

1. Yellowstone park
2. Make a wish foundation
3. That I got to sing in Mormon Youth
4. Temple Square lights
5. 5 k color runs
6. That it's time to put up a new picture of Mom
7. That Dave made it to and from Provo before the car died.
8. That even if we have to buy a new car, we have the money to make it possible.
9. internet cats
10. Friday night pizza---different from pizza at other times.
11. Tasty thursdays
12. The ward Halloween party
13. The Nelsons, esp. Bro Nelson's teaching.
14. Moroni, because in his letter exchange with the lamanites he sounds so human.
15. That God so often answers my wants, not just my needs, and often seems to send blessings just for the fun of it.
16. That I didn't lose all the inheritance money.
17. Andrew at Chase who seems to know what he's doing.
18. That I have two grocery stores within walking distance
19. That I finished my paper yesterday!
20. That I'm going to try my hand at painting tonight.

Thursday, November 6, 2014


Well......I'm not quite sure how yesterday went. My leg hurt---walking home last night might have been too much, but I didn't have much choice. I think it's a little better today. Food-wise....?  I technically did skip lunch---which I think shows a cognitive move in the right direction.  Here's the breakdown

Breakfast--2 slices of Ezekiel bread w butter, 2 strips bacon, milk and oj

Snack--a big serving of grapes with cheddar and mozzarellla chunks.

Lunch--I was full. Didn't need it physically, and almost didn't need it psychologically. First I just decided to have a later lunch, then let it go altogether---although not without whining about it first here.

Snack---Leftovers from a workshop. 2 small scones, veggies from veggie tray--just a very little dip (will skip next time, I just don't like ranch dip), 2 crackers, 2 small cheese slices, 1 small meat (lunchable style).  The scones probably gave this "snack" enough calories to count as a meal. So, I guess lunch was semi-skipped.

Dinner--Lunch. Discovered that it is possible to put too much buffalo sauce on chicken. Large serving of peas, 2 small slices artesian bread with butter, olives and blue cheese.

Dessert--made lemon-oatmeal cookies. VERY good. Had 3 with some milk.

And now for the Thankful project. Lots of people on facebook post something they are thankful for each day in November. I think that's too easy. Can I find 20 things to be thankful for? Especially, if I only allow 1 book per day to be part of that list?  I'm going to try, but I'll post here in my blog rather than on facebook because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings if I don't mention them.  I'll start today, and then backtrack on the past 5 days.

1. Jesus Christ--because he took away my GUILT as well as my sins. I'm only beginning to understand how little I understand about what He did.
2. Dave--because he never gives up.
3. Catherine--because she is always so authentically herself. She would like to date, but simply can't flirt because it's alien to her nature.
4. The weber state duck pond.
5. Trees in the fall
6. Good physical therapists.
7. A good job that allows me to play on the internet.
8. The Murdoch Mysteries
9. Our Thanksgiving houses
10. The fireplace
11. That I can cook
12. modern dentistry
13. buffalo wings
14. the today show
15. Abby Gooch because she carries such a heavy load in her life, but is unfailingly kind and good
16. That I got to know the Shepherds a little bit.
17. Glasses with thin lenses
18. The kettlebell class
19 That the kettle bell class won't last forever
20. That I can take classes here for free!!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2014


I'm not hungry for lunch!! ALARM!! ALARM!!! ALARM!!!  The reason I'm not hungry is that I ate a big bag of grapes and cheese. But I HAVE to eat lunch don't I? Won't the police come and arrest me or something if I don't??

Isn't that crazy? But that's how it feels. I don't skip lunch easily. I'm having to remind myself that I also have a bag of carrots, some 100 popcorn AND I just found out that there might be food leftovers from a class. Plus, I DON'T have a good dinner planned. So, taking my really good lunch home and having it for dinner is a great idea.

Yesterday's food from memory---not written down! What's wrong with me?

Breakfast: Jimmy Dean sausage biscuit, milk, oj. Did I have a banana?

Snack:  don't remember, but I'm sure I had something.

Lunch: Homemade Candian cheese soup and a chicken artichoke lean pocket. Fun size Reeses for dessert.

Dinner: Oven baked "fried" chicken, with mashed potatoes and peas and white gravy. Delicious!! I'll make this more often.

Dessert---date night with Dave. Ice-cream at the merc. This time I wanted and got a brownie sundae. Technically, it WAS a single scoop, but the scoops are so huge that that isn't very impressive. I left a few bites, does that count?

1. That I can sing
2. That Mom took me to the Messiah sing-ins when I was young so I could fall in love.
3. That Dave has great taste in clothes.
4. That Dave cleans house---and is patient with me when I don't.
5. Texting---especially with Catherine
6. That Lisa is watching out for Riley
7. That because of the Savior everything is going to be all right in the end.
8. That I only have a 50 pound weight problem.
9. kleenex with aloe
10. Tigger because he is so loveable.
11. Oreo because she isn't as loveable, and yet brings us joy.
12. Disneyland
13. The exercise bike downstairs.
14. The craft armoire
15. jigsaw puzzles
16. The new couch.
17. The water at work--big improvement over math
18. The Little House books.
19.  That I can teach in nursery--it shows me that I've grown a lot for the better AND helps me grow even more.
20. That I get to speak on a "Christ Centered Christmas" because that will put me in the right spirit for the holidays.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Small things

It's amazing how I can forget even the most basic things, when it comes to things I don't really want to do. I need to re-read the Dr. OZ book.  The idea of soy being good for me has stuck. I really love adding soy milk to my normal milk. I can feel that my body loves it.  And I also go that high-fructose corn syrup is a really stupid thing to eat. Otherwise, my mind has thrown it all out. But I will still carry on.

I'm going to look for a ring to wear as a constant reminder that small portions are often enough!! If they aren't enough, I can have more, but it truly isn't necessary to eat like a linebacker all day long every day---(although if I choose to work out like an NFL linebacker, then I can adjust my eating upward).

I'll keep trying to record my food here too, to learn from my mistakes instead of endlessly repeating them. 

The other day, Hollie at 300poundsdown.com talked about how she is a experimenting with weight loss with herself as the chief subject. I'm doing exactly the same thing. And I sometimes get very angry at Weight Watchers and other programs that claim to have solutions. But it has belatedly occurred to me that obesity is a relatively new problem!! It's going to take some real time for the medical community to figure things out. I wouldn't be surprised at all if in 50 years people look back on shows like the Biggest Loser and programs like weight watchers with real horror. But society can't skip steps alas. It's simply going to take time to learn about obesity and how to handle it.  This thought helps me to forgive WW a little bit. They really think they DO have the answers, and they're about the best program out there. It's still abysmally bad, but it's the best society has. Goodness knows, I haven't come up with THE solution. As soon as I do, I'll publish and be rich at last. 

Anyhow---I've also been thinking about how obesity is a combination of habit as well as physical addiction. For example, I have the habit of going back for second helpings at dinner. I really LIKE the action of going back for seconds whether I'm full or not, or even whether I like the food or not. That got me to thinking about other habits I have that I wouldn't want to give up---like opening presents on Christmas morning. I'd feel super deprived if I couldn't do that!! Or reading before I go to sleep. I LOVE doing that. Realizing how deeply engrained many of my food habits are, helps me to appreciate how difficult it is to give them up.  But the good news is, that I don't have to give them up!!!  Not really. I've found that going back for seconds is habit, but the quantity is not!! I've been doing really well dealing with this habit. Either I take a smaller first helping, fully intending to go back, or I take a really small second helping (assuming of course, that I'm really full when I go back), and that's been ok!

Here's another one. I like chocolate after lunch. No problem! The habit says chocolate, it doesn't say a full-sized candy bar. Dark chocolate is even good for me, so bring that habit on!!

Looking back, I've been working on making my habits less deadly over the years and I think it's really helping. I still have a long way to go, but that's ok.

Ok, here's what I remember from yesterday's food. Today I'll actually track it.

Breakfast: 2 eggo waffles with nutella, banana and whipped cream.
Snack: some cracklin oat bran cereal (I call it puppy chow), I love that stuff, but it has a lot of sugar. Luckily, it's super expensive, so I don't have it very often.

Lunch: a HUGE portion of  spaghetti lasagne, 2 small slices of artisan bread, an apple, and a fun sized peanut-butter snickers.

Snack: a fun-sized m&m's

Snack before my night class: String cheese, and goldfish.

Late dinner, after my class. Ezekiel bread with organic (thanks Dave) peanut butter, two slices of bacon (weird, I know, but really good). milk with nestle's quik.

1. Spell Check
2. Peter the apostle--I identify with him! He failed to walk on water, he denied the Christ and yet he was one of the best servants ever. Gives me hope!
3. Cheese
4. Christmas lights
5. Kelsey Frandson, because she looks like one of the proverbial gorgeous mean-girls that terrified me in junior high and still make me feel insecure, and yet she is so NICE!
6. Kelsey's key lime pie
7. Weber's women in motion for helping me to walk my first half-marathon
8. Jane Stout, for being hilarious and walking the Halloween half with me.
9. Catherine for walking the Salt Lake half AND doing the Disney half.
10. Catherine because she loves her old mum.
11. The harry Potter books.
12. facebook--it's fun to keep in touch.
13. Dad, because he is a financial buffer for Christine.
14. Dave, for fixing the swamp cooler every fall and spring.
15. That I've discovered snorkeling
16. That I've been to so many wonderful places.
17. That I have an imagination to take me everywhere I can't get to.
18. Libraries!!
19. Catherine's quirky roommates.
20. The teacher who gave Catherine the chance to go to Turkey. 

Monday, November 3, 2014


Am I thinner? Holding steady?  Not sure. Some things are definitely on the tight side, but my workout pants really fit yesterday and they hadn't before.  Good things continue---but so do the bad things, I just hope the good will overwhelm the bad someday.  Last night I made a spaghetti squash lasagne that was really good. This is a real make-again.

Did I pig out on Halloween? Not really. Actually, I never really have--or at Thanksgiving either. This isn't really virtuous, it's just that since I feast every day, have a dedicated feast day isn't that big of a deal. So, I probably overate, but no worse than usual.

1. That I got to do lots of real trick-or-treating when I was young
2. Sister Newsome
3. Mom's blackberries
4. Mom and Dad always being up to something interesting
5. That I can read
6. That I can cook
7. That I don't have any severe food allergies
8. That I live in America
9. That Dave has tenure!
10. That I can walk to work.
11. That Mom left us the trust--even though I don't like administering it.
12. An education
13. That I've always been free to pursue any dream
14. That people climb Mt. Everest
15. That I can play the harp and piano
16. That Nanette is so endlessly patient.
17. Soft breezes
18. That the hospital is right nearby.
19. That I'm free from major psychiatric disorders (so far)
20. That I can pray.

Thankfulness for Nov. 2

1. For the door to my office.
2. That I live in a place with seasons
3. The frontrunner train
4. Pizza
5. Our tv trays
6. Our little garden
7. The smell of pine
8. The corner bakery
9. Barnes and Noble
10. My sewing machine
11. Agatha Christie
12. The nook--thanks mom!
13. The wii--Thanks Dad!
14. That Mom and Dad always came to everything
15. That I don't have to go swimming every day.
16. For Dr. Amsels very careful teaching of a hard subject
17. That I'm taking classes in English--not Chinese
18. For great bloggers like Hollie and Sean
19. That I'm no longer a teenager
20. That I don't drink

Thankfulness for Nov 1.

1. For Christmas stockings
2. For the Festival of Trees
3. For pandora aol radio
4. For books on tape
5. That I've had jobs at two libraries
6. That God brought us to Ogden--it's hard, but it's right.
7. For peace during Mom's death
8. For general conference
9. For Jon Bytheway and other phenomenal youth speakers
10. For Geodes
11. For the discovery and nature channels
12. Timpanogos cave
13. Grandma and Grandpa taking me everywhere in California
14. Omi and Opa!!
15. The apricot tree when I was little.
16. Great artists
17. The Houston Renassance Festival
18. For honest auto-mechanics
19. For Ben Dickson and all his help
20. For all the people that helped us move to Ogden.