Losing weight in spite of myself.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
So, I got scale weird. I weighed in last night before bed, because I knew however ghastly the number, at least I'd weigh a little less this morning. And right there that shows you that I give WAY too much power to the scale. The numbers were ghastly enough--199 this morning, but not as bad as I feared. I feel relieved. 183 is not that far away. I looked up my last post that recorded a weight in 2012--mid December then, 195. Sigh---I really am like the white queen, running and running with all my might to stay in the same place. But it's a whole lot better than going the wrong way altogether. Plus, I think this indicates that my plan IS already working! Yesterday was a gold star flavor point day. And these next few months will at least only have a normal amount of temptation.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Thursday, December 26, 2013
This morning, I was still too full for breakfast. I walked to work (yay!), and am just now feeling a bit hungry---or rather a bit as though I've digested a few things. I brought some cuties and some frosted mini-wheats. But Dan brought sourcream cake doughnuts. My absolute favorite! I think I'll have one or two even though I know I'd feel better if I didn't. How do people do this? I love those kinds of doughnuts! I won't feel bad if I eat them, just better if I didn't. But not enough better not to eat them. Again, I'm not worrying about the calories or anything on the day after Christmas, but it's the principle of the thing.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Bonus for the today and yesterday--exercise is back, in the form of snow-walking. Faster and easier for me to walk to work today rather than to chop through the ice in the driveway. But it wasn't easy walking. I'm tired. It was a good core exercise.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Anyway. I was so proud of myself yesterday! "Not counting, but in control". Dave took some takeout from Costa Vida to Catherine for her birthday dinner (poor kid had to work). And he brought me some too. I only ate HALF of it!!!! I could easily have eaten it all, but I was full enough and Catherine's friend, Kaitlin sent some tollhouse cookiebars and I knew that once I had one or two of those with some milk, I'd be plenty full. So I stopped!!
I'm also feeling un-justifiably slim, because I foolishly stayed up late watching a show about a poor woman who weighed over 1,000 pounds! I've never seen anything like that. Poor thing! Her body was literally shaped like Jabba the Hut although her face was pretty. But they got her in the hospital and she's lost 800 pounds. Really neat to see--she can walk again. Just goes to show you should never never give up.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
1600 calories was tough for me yesterday, but I made it. I hate that, "I'm barely full" feeling. It feels one step away from ravenous. And there's nothing worse than feeling ravenous and knowing that there's not going to be enough food to make that feeling go away. But I love feeling as though I'm making progress--I hope I am. This plan has been such a good mix of eating lightly and the relief of being able to eat more.
The idea is not to go crazy today, but it does feel so good to be snacking on goldfish as I write this, and to know that I have a really satisfying lunch (chicken with buffalo sauce, blue cheese crumbles, peas and a roll) ahead of me. I also happen to have a package of oatmeal here if I get really hungry, and I finally get to eat those homemade caramels. And actually, my lunch is a very healthy, reasonably caloried one, so I feel great about that. Tomorrow is a free day. I really think because of that, I'll be able to eat a reasonable dinner. Especially, if I actually feel satisfied with lunch.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Yesterday, was a flavor point day. But it was also a day where I needed to get a lot done--especially Christmas shopping. I realized that not only did I really not want the flavor point boring dinner, but that I honestly didn't have time to go home and fix it and still get things done. I think I made a pretty good choice instead. I grabbed Dave and we went to Applebees and ordered off the light menu (Strategy here is to not even look at anything other than the light menu). MUCH better feeling dinner--steak, potatoes and a sm. portobello mushroom with artichoke sauce. So the question was--was this a gold star or red star day? (BTW beginning new year--gold is best, SILVER will be second best and red will mean there was some kind of serious problem). Part of me thought Gold--because I thought I did great in making a responsible adjustment that served my life better than being super rigid. Part of me thought Red because at least part of the decision was motivated by simply not wanting the healthy dinner that was planned and I want to practice making healthy promises to myself and then keeping those promises.
In the end, I decided that it really was a golden day--rigidity is doomed to failure and I coped well. However, I gave myself a red star (second best) in the end because by the time I got to Michaels crafts I was exhausted and got myself a giridelli chocolate square. Again--a responsible dessert--and flavor point did have a dessert option that day--but not that one and I'm not sure if the dinner I ate had a lot more calories than the one I was supposed to eat. SO...A+ for effort and B+ for actual execution.
However, yesterday's intake has left me on empty for today and I can't imagine 1600 cal even coming close to filling me up. But, let me take a leaf from Sean's book and express genuine gratitude for the food I DO have today. All of it super yummy, varied and plentiful enough. Breakfast was frosted mini-wheats with milk (foolish choice--I know better than to eat sugary cereals, they only leave me hungry.) yogurt for a snack, tomato soup, a roll and olives for lunch, popcorn for a snack, a pork chop dinner and that still leaves room for a small dessert.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Today is flavor point day. Might be a little rough going--once again I picked a day that has the black bean salad for lunch. I like the black bean salad--which is good, since this is the third time in a row for it! Dinner is supposed to be orange cod. It's going to be orange chicken, with bulger wheat and green beans. Sounds boring. Dessert had potential--peanut butter, honey rice krispy treats, they taste ok, but they didn't hold together at all. Oh well, tomorrow is another day, and even though it will be low calorie, it will be food of my choosing. The plan to get through today is to overindulge in Christmas shopping rather than food. Seems to be working well so far.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
The thing that got me was the saucy meatballs. After the sweets I really just wanted real food, and I'd been wanting these meatballs for quite awhile. Even though it was not a counted day, I did figure out the calories for leftovers. I suppose calorically, dinner wasn't too crazy, but still, I really didn't need that huge heavy plateful of meatballs. Funny, I never know what will pop up and want to derail me.
However, I still gave myself a red star for the day. Star for having done great, but red because I didn't need that third piece of pizza. I probably didn't need to eat as much popcorn or grapes and cheese either, but those things were planned. The third piece of pizza was selective "forgetting" that even on days like a vegetarian day, it doesn't mean a food free for all. It still means fairly reasonable.
I don't know how reasonable today will be, but actually, I think I'm going to do pretty well. I'll have the loaded hot chocolate and a piece of ridiculously calorie loaded cake, but at the moment I don't feel like devouring the whole cake. I'll be super excited if I find that I'm satisfied with a reasonable amount of goodies. But if not, and I over- indulge, I'm not going to beat myself up too much about it.
Friday, December 13, 2013
I had--a tomato and feta omlette with a slice of toast for breakfast.
tomatoes and hummus for a snack
a black bean and tomato salad with a slice of bread for lunch. --This was supposed to be whole wheat bread that I meant to bake because we have some bread dough in the freezer. But Catherine had made a different kind of homemade bread. I didn't want to bake more bread that we didn't need. So, I ate her bread instead. I think that's ok. Normally, I do have wheat bread. But any eating plan has to conform at least somewhat with real life. Also, it's been my experience that the best I can do (so long as it's really my best, not just trying to weasel in extra somehow) is good enough.
Chips and Salsa for a snack
Spaghetti (no meat) and whole wheat pasta for dinner with a cabbage salad and another slice of Catherine bread.
Dessert of peaches and blueberries.
I gave myself a gold star for the day despite the bread. Again, a little difficult because I was actually full from dinner and part of me thinks I should be suffering more. But I think the dessert was especially good. I was able to recognize that I was full and didn't want all that much, so I had a very modest helping--of just canned peaches and frozen blueberries. It was a delicious combination! Usually, I have trouble accepting fruit as a dessert, but this was good enough that I'll have it again--probably tonight.
Today is vegetarian, no sugar. Hooray for not counting anything, but the no sugar today is tough. Yesterday didn't have sugar, and the day before was counted so I couldn't eat the homemade caramels at work, and today I still can't eat them!! But there's no denying it's good for me to not be eating so much sugar! Most importantly, I don't mind. It's hard, but it's hard in the way exercise or studying for a test is hard--I don't feel put upon or angry that I'm skipping sugar today. I'll have plenty tomorrow. But this is good. I'm missing sweets, so I probably WILL go out of my way to have sweet fruits today and the peaches and blueberries for dessert again, and it will feel really good. Which is important. It's important that good choices feel good as I eat them. And it helps them to feel good when I know I can have sweets tomorrow. Another odd benefit, I can have as much of anything today except meat and sugar. But even still, I didn't feel like packing a huge lunch. I wanted of all things, a peanut butter sandwich. Ok. And popcorn. ok. And some grapes and cheese for a snack. ok. And that's all I felt like packing. Now it's 11:30 and I'm hungry. But that's ok. I might run upstairs and get a pop and maybe another snack...or maybe not. It's weird and good not to worry or care too much.
This next week, the week before Christmas, is going to be a challenge. No surprise there. Tomorrow we're having the family up so they can celebrate Catherine's 21'st birthday. Wednesday we're going to SLC to see zoo lights, Thursday is both my work potluck and a special dinner at Dad's. I might have to do some doctoring when I pick the slips tonight. Thursday is going to need to be a free day. Tomorrow, I want to be able to indulge in the sweet stuff. I'll see how it works out. Sunday can be a calorie count or a "not counting but in control day". I think it's important not to pull the rug out from our Sunday dinners. Overall, I feel ok about doing the best I reasonably can these next two weeks. It IS the Christmas season.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Today might be a little rougher. It's tomato day. Good food, but I'm just not quite in the mood for it. I'm hoping to be successful enough with this that Dave will join me in the New Year.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
1250 doesn't feel like much and I'm sure I'll be hungry today, but I don't care. I have enough (even two snacks), and all the food is yummy. The more days I have where I'm eating lightly rather than heavily the better. The clam chowder tonight will feel good tonight, and ice-cream always feels good even though it's not one of my primary weaknesses.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
So I'm trying even harder to be moderate today right? HA!! That is what a normal person would do. I just finished some flat out addictive eating. Today is a FREE day. So food-wise, I can have whatever I want and it's technically ok. I made today the free day because this morning is our office Christmas breakfast (always very good) and tonight is our RS Christmas dinner.
I don't regret the Christmas breakfast. It was a buffet and I ate too much bacon and I also ate a crossaint that I didn't want. Okay. It's a free day and it's Christmas time, so I'm willing to cut myself a little slack. What wasn't ok was lunch.
It was 2:30 and I still wasn't hungry. But I brought a pizza pocket (love those) and olives (love those) and a bag of grapes and cheese chunks (been craving those) with crackers. I love all those things, and now that I've eaten them I remember that I could have eaten them tomorrow or the next day (whichever is the ice-cream diet day). But I'd been looking forward to them today, and I wanted them today. So like a little toddler who can't wait for anything I ate them today even though I wasn't hungry! THAT is the behavior that gets me into trouble. It shouldn't be that hard to resist, but it IS!
I'd like to think that I'll be moderate at tonight's dinner. If the food's not very tempting I might be. But if it's at all good I'm sure I'll gobble it down.
This IS partly in response to the knowledge that the next two days will be lean ones--a flavor point and the ice-cream (eat 1250 cal and a bowl of ice-cream) day, so there's an element of last supper eating going on.
Next time, I'm faced with a lunch or dinner I planned on but was not hungry for, I'm going to make an effort to get online here and write out when I CAN have it. Maybe that will help me to stop.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Today will be a very well controlled day and it has the bonus of having to get up and shovel snow. It's kind of a funny day though. Flavor Point Day 30. A day of excellent summertime food. It's freezing cold out! But I'm enjoying my snack of apple slices and yogurt. Tomorrow is a free day---good thing too! Work Christmas party in the morning and RS Christmas dinner in the evening.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Today was the ward Christmas breakfast. One of the few times when the people were honestly much better than the food. I'm aiming for 2000 calories today. Shouldn't be a problem, even though I couldn't count the exact amount at breakfast. I wasn't much tempted by any of it (especially the gray hashbrowns).
Next week when I have some time, I'm going to find some other blogs to follow. I want inspiration. Weight-loss blogs are notoriously flaky, mine included. When things are going well, we blog. When not, we go silent. Instead, I'm going to find some athletes--maybe Olympians? Cheer them on toward their goals and maybe follow their "no excuse" kind of example and the joy at fitness brings to them.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Today is "not counting but in control." Control is tough today---birthday party at work with some goodies I really like, and the festival of trees tonight--literally no healthy food there and probably just a quick stop somewhere for dinner.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
So YES!! A gold star PLUS for yesterday! Great recipes! Husband and daughter willingly ate a very healthy meal too. Progress toward genuinely learning to like fish and asparagus. It doesn't get better than that!
Today is high-protien day. Bacon and eggs for breakfast (never quite fills me up the way I think it should), but sufficient, chicken with buffalo sauce for lunch, good snacks, and I can have hot chocolate--nice when it's this cold!!!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
I AM liking my new plan. Originally, I had planned today to be from the Flavor Point diet and Friday to be a free day, but I got the invitation yesterday for the LDS institute Christmas lunch buffet. I love that luncheon! Not just the food, but the atmosphere is wonderful. I suppose in theory, it is possible to eat reasonably, but this buffet features all my big weaknesses---cheeseballs, nuts, mini-meatballs, dips, little desserts. I'll do my best, but truthfully, my "best" isn't very good in these situations. But it's ok! I went home and rearranged the order of the days this week. Now today is my "Free" day. That means that Friday will be "not counting but in control"--that's a challenge for me on pizza day, but a challenge that I can manage. Better yet, I'm happy to control myself on Friday. I love that I don't feel as though I'm "cheating" or "blowing my diet" for today. There is a Christmas buffet, but there isn't a sense of failure, or giving up or not trying. I'm doing fine and that feels fantastic.
Yesterday, I did fine as well, but I gave myself a red star for the day (good effort but not perfect). My food actually was perfectly on track. I allotted myself a whole cup of spaghetti noodles and a whole cup of sauce for dinner--plus spaghetti squash and an english muffin. That turned out to be a super big serving! I was actually quite full just a little more than half-way through. But I was entitled to the whole thing and I ate almost all of it despite being full. I also budgeted for a small slice of cheesecake. I could have done without it, but again, I was entitled! I had Dave bring me a small piece. The piece was still bigger than what I had in mind (still very reasonable though), but I ate the whole thing. So, technically, it was a perfect day, but because I deliberately overate, I'm calling it a red star day. Good effort and I'm justifiable proud of myself.
Monday, December 2, 2013
Here's the question...Can there be joy in taking care of this body that God has blessed me with? Of course yes! But that's hard to remember in the face of so many times when I don't want to take care of it. But there is joy in self-mastery, joy in obedience, and the obvious joy of looking and feeling better. I want to take joy in ruling my body rather than being ruled by it.
All great thoughts. Then in my psych class, looking at the study from world war two when they too 32 men and starved them and then re-fed them to see what would happen. Sigh. The three months when they were given a "normal" amount was 3,200 calories! All were around normal weight. The "starvation" was 1500 cal! The teacher pointed out that the 1500 cal was not well balanced, it was was people were really eating--potatoes and turnips. Also, in the 1940's that 3200 cal was probably not high-fat high, sodium stuff. It was probably mostly organic and certainly not bacon cheeseburgers, fries and movie popcorn. Doesn't matter. I hear this and my mind starts shrieking, THEY GET TO EAT 3200 CAL!!!!! 1500 CAL WAS CONSIDERED STARVING!!!
Good grief. Never mind that this whole weekend I've probably been eating something like 7000 cal of deadly food. Never mind that most of the planet for most of the history of the world eats more like 1000-1500 cal or less. Darn it! I was feeling pretty abundant this morning about today's plan (1900 cal--and it's quite plentiful too!), but now I'm not only hungry but feeling put upon as well. I think I need to re-read that part about self-mastery again. As I was planning today's food, I was struck again at how crazy it is to have a weight problem. I can really eat a LOT at this level. Here's today's food:
Breakfast--malt o meal made w 1/2 c of milk with blackberries.
Lunch--wrap with ham, horseradish, spinach and peppers, 7 olives and some full cal (240) honey greek yogurt.
Snack--bagel with laughing cow cheese
Dinner--1 cup spaghetti noodles, 1 c sauce, as much spaghetti squash as I want, an english muffin with butter and garlic.
That puts me at 1621. Leaving a little room for a small slice of super delicious pumpkin praline cheesecake. (Thanksgiving was so ridiculously abundant that I haven't gotten around to that yet).
Okay, I feel better for having written that out. It's not just the calories--but the richness, variety and abundance of food today. I'm hungry now, but that's partly because I'm sure my poor stomach is so stretched out, it's going to take a bit to bring it back to normal. No help for that except to tough things out and be grateful for all I have--because it's a great deal more than most.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
So, why wait till Monday? Why not get a grip right now? Because I'm an ADDICT that's why!! I am trying in a small way to get a grip right now, but the house is still full of Thanksgiving stuff, and I don't want to let it go. The mind is a weird thing. Christmas is coming and there will be lots of goodies all month long---but that's ok, because I've set up my mind to deal with that. This weekend, actually isn't all that tempting (I'm already sick of leftovers and I'm not that big of a pie person), but I have not set my mind up to control anything, therefore it isn't going to happen--at least not much.
I can tell that psychologically I'm revving up for another big push. This is good and bad---good, because I'll be successful in my quest to make significant progress by my birthday, which right now sounds fantastic. Bad, because I can't live in a revved up frame of diet mind. If I only lose weight by will power, I will fail. The yo-yo will go right back up. So PART of what's in my head this weekend is a defiance of the revving up. I'm NOT going to do anything more than any other healthy person on the planet is doing. I AM going to have to do a whole lot more than comes naturally to me though. The plan is a whole lot of exercise, a whole lot of water and a whole lot of saying NO to this addiction which will not feel good. It took a full three years to become comfortable without diet coke. It might take 30 years to become comfortable eating right (at which point I'll be nearly 80---but hey, there's the next life to consider too). It doesn't matter. What matters is progress.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
I'm coming down with a cold from pure exhaustion I think. All I ate at Disney is part of the culprit too. When I eat right (read--eat a whole lot less), I catch far fewer colds. Happily, I have tomorrow off so I can sleep in and even though I'll be cooking Thanksgiving food, that's an easy pleasure and I can take a nap, drink a lot of orange juice and hopefully shake this. Tonight is unfortunate though. Far from resting, it's my late night at work and then I have visiting teaching too. My appetite is down--which is probably a good thing--not that it's stopping me from eating chocolate. Stupid. Pure addictive behavior.
Monday, November 25, 2013
I thoroughly enjoyed disneyworld. And, I did walk miles and miles and miles and miles. And I ate freely and happily--it got to the point where I didn't want chocolate chip cookies, I'd already eaten so much. It takes a bit to get me to that point! This week is Thanksgiving. I'm not worrying too much. It's easy to pick up old habits at home---which are far from perfect or even good, but a whole lot better than theme park food. And I'll start up the real program again on Monday. I'm adding some slips for "small food" days--meaning many meals of just 100 to 200 cal spread throughout the day. It's good for me, and I'll be interested to see how I respond to that both physically and psychologically.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
The price of eating a foolish lunch on the Lazy Zone was to follow this plan:
Breakfast--a Slim Fast bar
Dinner--a Healthy Choice Dinner (I added a salad with diet dressing as well)
And that's all. Obviously no one in their right mind would want to do this for more than one day, and because I knew I didn't have to--it was ok to stick to it. I had quite the temptation to fall off the wagon too. There was a power outage just before I left work. It was rumored that it would last for hours. That meant I couldn't microwave my dinner. Which meant that we would need to go out for dinner. (Heaven forbid we eat something simple like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich) I was starving at the time and breaking the diet (which was by all counts stupid anyway) sounded great. Darn power came on as I was walking home. Catherine wanted to eat out too, but I was tough--I needed to not cave in and she needed to eat the food in the fridge so we don't have a bunch of leftovers molding in the fridge while we're on vacation.
So yay! Gold star for yesterday, and thank heaven today is "high protein" which means normal food--but with an eye to protein. Cottage cheese with fruit and a bagel for breakfast. A chicken salsa salad for lunch, string cheese for snack. Dinner is more iffy---eating down fridge food--I'll probably have the veggie lasagne. Then starting tomorrow--I'm off on a wonderful Disney vacation--horrible food, but tons of exercise--it usually washes out more or less.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Today is pure quack diet--I don't have many of those in my envelope either, but there are a few, because quack diets are so amazingly seductive! (Plus, it's such a relief to not have to live them forever!). Funny how the mind is. There is a blog I follow--very sweet sounding lady who is also trying to lose weight. She's on my facebook feed and I really wish her the best. She's just starting again to try to lose weight and she's doing it with the help of some miracle substance. Like all these "miracles" it's supposed to be safe and stimulant free and has a gazillion testimonials. Happily, she's also working on incorporating other healthy behaviors. I admit to being tempted by these things--an easy fix to a life long problem--sounds fantastic!! But, so far I've avoided them reasoning that if they were really that great, my doctor would be the first to recommend them. However, that doesn't mean I'm not going to happily embrace other solidly stupid ideas.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Yesterday was a hungry day. Odd--last time I did flavor point I was surprised at how little real hunger I felt. But the thing that really got me yesterday was exhaustion. I walked home from work as usual, planning to make the official flavor point dinner, but when I got home Dave was on the couch and I sat down next to him and that was it. I could have slept the night through. I needed to run an errand, which was the last thing on earth I wanted to do, Catherine was at work, so when Dave tempted me with dinner at Zuppas just the two of us before going to the store I said yes. I'm not feeling too guilty about this. I was starved and exhausted and my body definitely needed as well as wanted food.
So, I've given myself a silver star for the day and moved on. (Gold stars are perfect, red for really good effort, silver for made an effort but had a major failure at some point in the day). Today is low-carb. I have some better information this time---I got the "low carbs for dummies" sheet off the web and am going with that. It's actually quite liberal. It seems to me to mostly just being avoiding breads and sweets and things. Okay. Amazing how difficult that is. For breakfast I had bacon, eggs and milk (1%). I've been snacking all morning on nuts, grapes and cheese and I am MORE than ready for my lunch. Good lunch--buffalo chicken on a bed of spinach and tomato with blue cheese and even two wasa crackers (the only bread-like substance for the day). I won't starve, but I suspect I'll be very ready for dinner.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Tomorrow is another low-carb day, I'm a little bit better prepared and I can have salt which means a snack of nuts. It will feel good to have what I want because today is a hungry day-- (fasting with snacks)--Flavor point mushroom day. I've got to hand it to these receipes, they are really good! a mushroom thyme omlette for breakfast and a portobello, blue cheese and sundried tomato (with oil) sandwich for lunch. It makes all the difference to have something different to go to tomorrow, and it feels good to have a little control and it feels good not to worry about the stupid scale. I'm doing my best and that will simply have to be good enough!
Friday, November 8, 2013
Third bonus discovery----I need to plan better. Maybe this week is just new or weird or something, but I don't feel as though there's much variety at home, not enough fruits and veggies, just lots of milk and cheese--which I love, but enough is enough.
As I mentioned before, this coming week will take some doing--trying to eat down our food for vacation isn't a great time to suddenly want lots of variety. Today is a free day--but it's tomorrow that I want to go to the movies. I might actually go to the movies without popcorn!---eeep! Or at least without the whole hog junk food fest.
For now, I'm off to class to work on a group project. I hate group projects. They're so much more inefficient than doing them by myself.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Today is vegetarian. Actually, yesterday wound up being vegetarian, but today is different--no counting calories, but a real effort to eat as many fruits and veggies as I can. I've brought a raw turnip to munch on and popcorn for a snack. The popcorn and my breakfast are perhaps, a little iffy. I probably didn't need BOTH the muffin AND the bread with melted cheese. But it felt good and lunch is a pear and raisin salad with a few walnuts and a little cheese and just one roll. Tonight is spaghetti squash spaghetti which should be both filling and super low cal.
Most importantly, I'm feeling good and excited to pick out my slips for next week. Next week's challenge is that I won't want to buy much fresh anything since we're going to Disneyworld and don't want a bunch of stuff rotting in the fridge.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Tomorrow is vegetarian. I'll have to be careful here--all kinds of fattening things are vegetarian---my idea is to eat as many fruits and veggies as I can along with other stuff, but not to go bananas stuffing myself with cheesecake and nuts. Actually, today will be vegetarian too---I don't have the calories to add bacon to the waffles tonight. But I'm looking forward to not being hungry tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Monday, November 4, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
I made an envelope (I might need a bigger one!) And the slips are all printed out. I'm excited for this venture. I was also thinking about something I learned in my psych class. People with OCD actually have slightly enlarged amygdalas (that control emotion---like fear). I read an article saying that with therapy and hard work on the patient's part the amygdala actually began to look more normal on the scans. Can that be true with weight loss? I don't doubt for a moment that something in my brain is more inflammed than a thin person. Almost the ONLY time I am ever satisfied with eating normally, is when I'm getting sick. Only then will I not want a third cookie. Obviously, my bout with weight watchers wasn't long enough for my brain to actually change. I wonder if it's even possible to heal? I'm rather thinking that the best I can hope for in this life is to achieve a sort of "happy management."
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
So! Here's what's on the slips. MOSTLY calorie counting--anywhere from 1500 to 2100 calories (right there is a little variety--what kind of day will today be?), I'm also bringing back the flavor point diet--I have all the days on slips from 1 thru 42. Sometimes it's real relief to not have to think about what you're eating, but just have it mapped out for you, other times it's a relief to be able to count because that allows me to eat whatever I want. There are also days where I don't count, but it's a vegetarian day, or high fiber, or high protein or low carb day---I'll have to be careful not to go nuts overeating---a person can pack in a whole lot of vegetarian calories, but the intent for all these days is to keep calories reasonable (even tho I won't be counting), but to add some good things to my body. For every 10 slips of "diet" I have a FREE day. That's just what it is---if I want to lie on the couch and eat donuts all day I can. Not that I would ever do that----I would lie around and eat cheese and popcorn. :) Some weeks I might not pick out a FREE slip, other weeks I might get lucky and pick out several. I also have a number of "controlled but not counting" days. The object there is to simply live naturally as though I already weighed 150 pounds. Hopefully, I've hit about the right balance of these (roughly 1/4 of the days are flavor point---I might make those a little less) but if not, I can tinker with the plan. Starting in March my hero Hungry Girl is coming out with her diet. I love HG receipes--if her diet sounds good I'll incorporate it here. I even have just a few fad diets in the mix, just because they appeal to me for some reason---not many, and I don't intend to do any for more than one day, but what fad diets do is to make me glad to flee back to a "normal" day of calorie counting. I've discovered faddiets.com--hilarious! So, I've got the cookie diet (6 cookies plus a 300 cal dinner), the ice-cream diet (1250 cal through out the day and then a bowl of ice-cream), Jared's subway diet, The "Lazy Zone" diet--this is a seven day plan based on the Zone. It's actually very healthy but lays out a rigid food plan (which is what makes it a fad). I include it because it involves some McDonald's hamburgers and parfaits, but I'd only be picking out one of the days. There is a week-long fad diet---the WW2 ration diet. Again, pretty healthy--WW2 rations plus fruits and veggies. If I pick that one out of the envelope I'll decide if I'm in the mood to dedicate my whole week to that. In addition to these things every 10 days or so I've added a double exercise day. Also days that are no salt or no sugar.
I think I'll stick pretty closely to whatever I pick out for each specific day--but I'm open to switching things around if it makes sense. If I have a free day--I'll put it the day I have the potluck at work for example. Planning out a week in advance will also help (I hope) me to determine whether or not any upcoming event really warrants an exception to the plan---is it Christmas Day for example?
A few things I haven't worked out yet are rewards. I'm determined to throw out the scale. I think I'll weigh in on Jan 1 just to see, but the scale simply doesn't work for me. No matter what it says, good bad or neutral I manipulate the information as an excuse to overeat. I'm not worrying about vacations (esp. the upcoming DisneyWorld trip--I figure I'll burn off whatever I eat.) Anyway, I AM going to buy a pack of stars to put on the calendar each day I do well. Maybe I'll buy myself some new piece of clothing each month I do well overall--except that I'm not really motivated by clothes. Perhaps the calendar will be enough--it's visual, and at the library it supplied an amazing amount of motivation.
I'm excited to see what the first week will look like. And I'm excited to regain a little control. All my clothes are getting tight.
Monday, October 28, 2013
One of the BIG problems that any diet has is BOREDOM!!! It's unbearable to me to count points or calories for any real length of time---although I do like the control it gives me. I can't even READ about people doing this---my favorite guy, Sean Anderson--of "losing weight everyday" fame blogged faithfully for two years and lost over 200 lbs by eating 1500 cal a day. He was beautifully faithful and I still love reading his blog, but every now and then I just want to shout, "SEAN! Eat the second helping!!" Crazy! It's not even ME that's being deprived. I enjoyed my week on flavor point, but things like that or Jenny Craig or Nutri-system simply aren't practical for everyday real life.
SO---I'm taking a leaf from my other blog--the travel envelope, where I randomly go places every month or so. For some reason the randomness of that type of travel really appeals to me and makes the whole venture more exciting. I'm going to do the same thing with my new plan.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Today we had a breakfast buffet at work, so I'm not hungry for lunch. Still, it's lunchtime and I'd like to eat something even though I'm not really hungry. I think instead of eating the full blown lunch I brought, I'm going to just nibble on some things--it will be less calories, be what I want (the green salsa was great) and hopefully weaken the habit that says its 12:30, I MUST eat.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Meanwhile, I plug on. Thankfully, my week on Flavor point is done and 5 pounds are gone. I'm easing back into my real normal life of calorie counting with the idea of losing just 2 pounds a month. I'd love it if I could hit 194 this month---that would catch me up! The plan for this week is to eat breakfast and lunch according to the book, but have real dinners (hopefully smaller ones).
I went to Dad's banquet on Friday--happily it wasn't too heavy on the food---I was tired to death of glazed poultry---and they served glazed pork. Sigh, but it was good for me. I thoroughly enjoyed the chocolate cake. Saturday, we went to the fair. I had a book-breakfast, but a gyro and a pretzel at the fair---not horrible choices, but more than I've been eating. For dinner we had meatloaf because I wasn't about to eat more glazed chicken. But I ate a small serving. Yesterday, we went to Dad's for Lisa's birthday. The dinner wasn't too impressive. A grilled ham and cheese and potato salad. Then Kristin brought a chocolate cake. Not on plan, but well withing normal eating standards.
Today, I got up early, stressed about about Catherine and also Riley. So I walked for 1/2 and hour before work. Today is tomato day. A funny day I think. It's fine for me, but it would NOT be fine for Dave. Three meals and two snacks all involving tomatoes would give him major indigestion. For dinner, in keeping with the tomato theme, we're having chicken enchiladas.
Friday, August 9, 2013
So, I'm sure if I were Laura Ingalls, and had to eat porridge for breakfast and fish for dinner just about every day I wouldn't have a problem.
The most helpful thing this week really has been my mind-set. "Fasting with snacks" works for me. Because then I don't have meltdowns about the tiny portions. Also, it's good to know those tiny portions usually work just fine. Especially since they often contain a little bit of oil and/or nuts. All weight loss aside, my body is loving this program. It did NOT love weight watchers--giving me bladder problems along with weight loss. This was my fault I think. WW does tell you to eat a certain amount of healthy oil every day, but I didn't do it--opting to use my points for fats that are in cheeses. I think I really will try to make a point of cooking with olive oil or adding little bits of it to my permanent diet--but I will also try to eat a little bit less to accomodate this.
Ok---I take it back, today I AM struggling a little with hunger. This is no surprise, and not the diet's fault. I fasted yesterday for Catherine. And although, I had a good dinner--I'm not used to fasting without having a big meals the day before and I think my body is trying to make up for it. I'm going to get fed well though tonight! I'm on plan for breakfast and lunch, but I'm going to a banquet with Dad tonight--and I'm looking forward to it.
The idea now is to ease back into normal life. I've had my week jump-start and lost 5 pounds. Even though I know it's mostly water, it still feels good. Starting tomorrow, I'll stick to the plan for breakfast and lunches but have smaller regular dinners. I actually cook quite healthy, it's just that I eat too much. On Thursday, I have a work breakfast, but I'll eat the book's dinner, because the mushroom chicken sounds really good.
So---the eternal struggle goes on. Is it worth it? I think so. I don't weigh much--or even any less (I'm not about to check) than I did when I first started this blog 3 years ago. But at least I don't weigh any MORE, and I've completed 4 half marathons. Not the success I'd hoped for, but sure a lot better than weighing 300 pounds!
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Tonight we're having tilapia. Ick--fish. But tilapia isn't horrible and at least I can make some oven fries with it.
Monday, August 5, 2013
It's not quite as quack as it sounds though---I mean, I'm not just eating pineapple today. Each day works out to be between 1400-1500 calories of healthy food. Of course anyone would lose weight. I think it's sounding appealing to me just now, because I'm frustrated with myself for weight gain, and I'm tired of counting calories. The idea of just eating what somebody else tells me to feels really good right now. I don't expect to tolerate this for any real length of time, but I figure, it's healthy, I'll knock off a few pounds---ideally, I'll hang in there until I get back to at least 195. By that time I'll be excited to eat real food (meaning unplanned stuff I actually have in the house) and maybe I'll feel better about a more normal relationship with food.
For now though, I'm not minding much. Yesterday was fast Sunday. In my mind I'm thinking of this diet as "fasting with snacks." And I must admit I'm not all that hungry today, even though I've eaten far less than usual. Here's today's menu:
Breakfast--1 cup kashi cereal
1/4 c pineapple juice
1/2 c milk
Snack--1/2 cup pineapple chunks
Lunch--chicken salad with walnuts and pineapple
Dinner--pineapple shrimp, bulger wheat, veggies, a green salad.
Dessert--carmelized pineapple rings.
See? Not bad--the chicken salad was really good actually, just not as much as I would choose to eat. Hence, it's a diet. Definitely NOT a lifestyle change. Who would want to eat this rigidly for real? Just a quick fix and a little vacation from using my brains when it comes to food.
Friday, August 2, 2013
I think I'm going to make myself the chocolate brownies I've been craving tonight and see if that won't throw me into a better frame of mind to try try again.
Today though, I've been flooded with memories. I saw my best school friend yesterday. Back in the day, I really hero-worshipped her. It seemed to me then that she was the prettiest and most fun and talented person in the world. Seeing her yesterday brought all of that back. And you know what? I was right. She is still pretty and talented and fun. What I couldn't see back then was that there were many others in my class who were equally pretty etc. Including myself. Despite being pudgy with braids and crooked teeth and being too tall and all the rest--I was cute. It was SOOO good to see her and to see us both in a more reasonable light----both of us stayed strong in the gospel and raised great kids. Both of us are truly beautiful people in every way. Why do we worry about weight so much? Is it really so important?
Grateful today--for dear friends, especially Louise, a hilarious letter from Catherine, a super fun mom and daughter who came in for advisement, that I can sleep in tomorrow, that I can make brownies tonight, that I have a break from the gospel doctrine lesson Sunday and that we're going to Disneyworld in November!!!!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
My latest goofy exercise scheme is a fun one. Go from New York to Los Angeles, either by bike or on foot. These things really work for me. When I was only three miles from Newark, NJ--I went downstairs and rode those three miles. I'm still just in the beginning phase. I'm on my way to Pottersdown, NJ, 39 miles from Newark. Today, to my great annoyance I woke up at 6:30 even though I didn't have to be at work till 9. So I walked the 5K. Smart, because it's been blazing hot.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Ugh! I thoroughly enjoyed the fourth and my day off from counting. But the last thing did me in. I had a normal breakfast--good sign! It felt natural to pass on having bacon since I'd be having fried chicken for lunch--it didn't feel like a "diety" decision, just felt normal. Hooray! Maybe I'm developing a few normal food instincts after all. Had my extra crispy KFC for lunch, had my decadent almond joy brownie bites (321 cal for a smallish square--ouch!), dinner was equally bad--popcorn, salami, cheese, olives and cherry pie and ice-cream. So far, so good--at least good as in, I'd eaten everything I wanted. THEN we went to an acquaintances house to see the fireworks. Uh boy. HUGE rootbeer floats and cookies. I didn't feel as though I could refuse. THAT put me over the edge. I am sugared out. I didn't want breakfast, and I'm kind of thinking I might not want lunch either. It's nice to know that my body doesn't want ALL food. It only wants what it wants and no more. There's hope!
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
I've changed my mind about my reward though. I made a weight watcher's pie yesterday which is quite good, Dave made cookies and cream ice-cream which is GREAT. And for the fourth on Thursday, I'm making a cherry pie for tradition's sake and some almond joy brownie bites because they sound fabulous. I don't think I want Mama Crimin's cookis as well. Instead, I'm going to Smiths tonight to reward myself with salami and a fancy cheese. I'll enjoy it tomorrow as an off the radar snack, and then continue to enjoy it, but count it for the rest of the month.
I got right back on track yesterday, didn't find it too hard to stop at one serving of potroast and mashed potatoes, had my pie, had room for ice-cream, but didn't finish the ice-cream. I was suddenly done and I just let myself be done.
Today I had a Mormon Muffin (no idea--I called it 200cal) and an omelete for breakfast, I'll have a big sandwich for lunch with a cucumber yogurt salad and some snyders pretzels, for dinner we're trying a Hungry Girl recipe for mac and cheese. The big problem at the moment is exercise--we're having a heat wave, and the WSU gym is under construction. I can, and plan to exercise at home, but the heat is making me feel lethargic.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Today we're going on the ward campout and I really feel as though I can have whatever I want and still be ok. I'm not going to freak out over each calorie--I'm eating to leave myself a good 1000-1200 cal for dinner and I doubt I'll eat much more than that. That still means a good breakfast and lunch for me too. Here's today's happy non-weight watchers menu.
Breakfast--1 serving oatmeal with a whole apple and cinnamon
2 slices bacon
milk--about a cup 1%
juice--diet--almost no calories.
2 homemade pieroshis (meat turnovers)
yogurt to dip the turnovers
a thick slice of cheddar cheese
a large helping of peas
apple sticks--this is junk food tastes kind of like apple jacks but you get a whole lot (38 sticks) for just 110 calories
2 hotdogs with all the toppings
chip dip (fat free sourcream with onion soup mix)
1 or 2 smores
The ward is fixing breakfast for us tomorrow. No doubt it will be heavy, but who cares? I'll try to be moderate, but if I can't manage it, I'll adjust the rest of the day or exercise, or simply get right back on track with lunch.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
I think if nothing else, I've learned to respect the process of weight-loss. I can't focus on it too much or too little. Personally, I can't (don't want to) move very fast. But I DO want to move. I've put back almost all the weight I so laboriously lost on weight watchers. Never again. Meaning--never again will I diet like that and do that to my body.
My current idea is to simply lose TWO pounds a MONTH--not a week, a MONTH. If I lose more, great. If I lose the two pounds I will celebrate--weirdly enough by getting some kind of a food that I want. I know you're not supposed to reward yourself with food. But food is truly motivating for me, and I think most diet rules are flat out wrong anyway. The idea is that I'm learning to control food. So, why not? If I make goal this month, I'm ordering some Mama Crimin's cookies. They're supposed to be amazing. It's interesting to note that I could not have done this plan 5 years ago. I didn't have enough respect for the amount of effort even 2 pounds takes, and I would have eaten everything I wanted and then tried to lose it in the last week. That may have even sort of worked when I was younger, but not anymore. I think if I put out a good effort on most days--not a perfect effort necessarily, not a weight watchers level of restriction, but a good effort I can do it.
I'm keeping my calories between 1500 and 2200 and exercising. Most days I hit around 2,000. So far, in June I'm down 4 pounds! The funny thing is that I often feel physically the way I did on weight watchers. I'm usually good and hungry for meals and I have that light feeling, but I haven't felt deprived at all because I really am eating what I want and even the portions I want. Happily, my body really dosen't even want much more than 2000 cal. What IS different is the stupid grazing between meals, giant bowls of ice-cream, large amounts of cheese and popcorn for no reason. If there IS reason---ie: I WANT it. Then I seem to have a large enough calorie range to accomodate that. Also, I haven't worried too much about celebrations--we had a luau at work--I ate whatever I wanted. Last night I was starving and light headed--we went to Zuppas, and I had what I wanted. The fourth of July is coming up and that means fried chicken and pie of course. I feel happy that I can enjoy these things. Four pounds down, it's a good start. The goal for June is 198. I'm getting my mouth ready for Mamma Crimins.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
The trick is going to be to find balance. I can't quit eating cold turkey. And when I'm hungry, it's difficult to make good decisions about what my body needs as opposed to what my mind wants. The solution there is advance planning. Overall though, I think the real solution is going to be finding that balance between what I want, what I need, what is simply bad habit, what is nutritional. I want to be conscious of my decisions, but not too much so because that's out of balance too.
I also like the simple idea of moving toward my goal or away from it. Catherine told me of a missionary who had to lose X number of pounds before they would allow him to go, he did it too. She described one day when everyone else had their Wendy's hamburger, and this young man had a turkey sub. These kinds of things are so hard for me to treat normally---I bet the other kids eating Wendy's were thin. Why didn't this poor guy get to eat a hamburger?
Okay, think this through. EVERY person who ate a burger and fries that day was moving AWAY from being a healthy person. If the others were thin, it's because they usually make better decisions. This missionary had made too many poor food decisions which is why he was fat, but he still gets to make the SAME choice. He could have eaten the burger and fries too, and it would have slowed his weight loss down. He made a different choice and it moved him in the right direction. I have to remember that I'M NOT BEING PUNISHED. I am in exactly the same boat as everyone else. I make good choices, I move toward good health, I make poor choices, I move toward poor health. I'm overweight, which means I've made too many poor choices, so I need to make EXTRA good choices to compensate for the poor choices in the past. That thought helps with deprivation thinking.
Today is tough because it's the distinguished professor reception which means my all time favorite--appetizers. However, I've been eating a lot of cheese lately, so hopefully at least the cheese won't seem so special to me.
Here's todays food:
Breakfast: 2 crepes, diet juice. NORMAL
Snack: cake. Thinking--good (I knew I didn't need cake, but was trying to act "normally" and had 1/2 a slice). Result: POOR
Snack: Grapes and cheese. Thinking GOOD (pre-planned and made at home so I could go heavy on the grapes and light on the cheese) Result: NORMAL
Lunch: 6 inch roast beef sub. and baked chips. NORMAL
Dinner: Have hopes of some control. Will eat banana just before going. Thinking: POOR--sure the banana is a good idea, but I get waaaaayyy too excited about stuff like this. I don't think thin people obsess as much as I do.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Breakfast--Normal--was a little hungry.
A thin bun with veggie cream cheese spread
Snack---Poor, because I wasn't hungry AND it was heavy on calories
small pouch of Scooby-doo fruit snacks
sleeve of chili-habanero almonds
Lunch--Normal--ish. I felt the amounts were more or less appropriate, but since I still wasn't hungry I probably would have been happy with 1/2.
Sandwich--white roll, sausage (leftover from C farewell), cheese and spinach.
Deli olives--about 8 or 9. honey dew and watermelon chunks tomato soup--literally just a few sips because I was full. a few bites of dark chocolate.
Hopefully normal Dinner tonight will be fajitas for Catherine. Not a bad choice diet-wise. We have a lot of goodies at home though and I'm not willing to deny myself anything today. I think my best bet will be to make a determined effort to not graze, and not eat two fajitas, if I'm already full with just one. And I can drink water.
Exercise---at the moment on unwilling hold. My knee is out. So I haven't been walking, but it's not by choice.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Yesterday we went to the cheesecake factory. There's really no excuse for the cheesecake factory--it's all deadly. But I had it in mind and ate very reasonably for breakfast and lunch. I didn't go out of my way to overstuff at the factory, but I did have exactly what I wanted. Today is St. Patrick's day and we have shepherd's pie and rich brownies that I made for the missionaries who aren't coming after all. I sitll have at least half of last night's cheesecake--BUT since I want those brownies, the cheesecake can wait.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
So, here's the latest plan---a very gentle, very loose plan that I think addresses one of the fundamental problems of weightwatchers. I'm going with the old saying, "Act as if." I looked it up on the internet, and IF I weighed about 160 and was moderatley active, I would need to eat about 2100 cal every day. OK!! I know from the Lean and Free program, that left to myself I will naturally eat about 2200-2400. THAT's not so much of a difference! What I want to stop is what happened the other night. I went through my normal day, and after dinner I had probably eaten about the normal 2,300. THEN Catherine made cookies loaded with mm's. I probably ate an additional 800 cal of cookies and milk. I do that kind of thing ALL THE TIME, and it's really hurting me.
I'm not going to freak out over this effort, it doesn't feel like a diet because I intend to eat whatever I want--including 800 calories of cookies and milk if that's what I really want, but if I do that, I will eat more lightly during the day. I think I can put on some very gentle brakes without triggering massive rebellion because I perceive that 2,200 cal is enough for anybody and MANY MANY MANY men eat that or less. I feel as though I'm not being punished for being female. It's still going to be hard---but I hope I will perceive it as reasonably hard--and that for once I am off kilter and bringing myself back to where I should be and how I want to live all the time.
For counting purposes I want to simplify things as much as possible--with the idea that when I get to where I need to be, I can stop counting unless my weight starts to creep back up. I'm going to figure that all cheese is 100 cal an ounce. All restaurant meals are 1,500 cal whether it's burgers and fries or whether it's the cheesecake factory (Saturday's folly), potlucks at the ward and work are 1,000 cal, and all homemade cookies are 120 cal, all random desserts are 300 cal.
I got onto caloriecount.com and decided that it was too clunky to log all food---paper and pencil are much easier, but calorie count is great for looking up random stuff like the olives I have today.
I'm a little excited today--as I always am when starting a new project, but this time, I'm just trying to so what I perceive everybody else is doing, rather than trying to live some plan that is much harder than everyone else is doing. I think I'll keep up this blog, because I still expect this to be very hard---my habits and body are all going to demand more food than is good for me, but I hope to slowly, but truly change.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
5 things to be grateful for: That I don't have to eat tripe (even the cats didn't eat it) That we're almost done paying the Sallie Mae loan!!! That I found my favorite picture of my Dad A warm house. The chance to teach gospel doctrine.