Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

The plan du jour

Try and try and try.  Catherine is off and doing fine--phew. And I've been to Disneyland and Hong Kong since I last wrote. I was re-reading a couple of my last posts. I still feel largely the same way. One thing I learned from weight watchers is that losing weight takes a whole lot more time than I like it too. I hated that if I went off the program even slightly, the weight loss would stop.  Better, was our insurance program, where if I lost only 3 pounds in a month, the insurance would pay for whatever program.  That was still the best, most motivating plan I've ever found.

I think if nothing else, I've learned to respect the process of weight-loss. I can't focus on it too much or too little. Personally, I can't (don't want to) move very fast. But I DO want to move.  I've put back almost all the weight I so laboriously lost on weight watchers. Never again. Meaning--never again will I diet like that and do that to my body.

My current idea is to simply lose TWO pounds a MONTH--not a week, a MONTH. If I lose more, great. If I lose the two pounds I will celebrate--weirdly enough by getting some kind of a food that I want. I know you're not supposed to reward yourself with food. But food is truly motivating for me, and I think most diet rules are flat out wrong anyway. The idea is that I'm learning to control food.  So, why not? If I make goal this month, I'm ordering some Mama Crimin's cookies. They're supposed to be amazing.  It's interesting to note that I could not have done this plan 5 years ago.  I didn't have enough respect for the amount of effort even 2 pounds takes, and I would have eaten everything I wanted and then tried to lose it in the last week.  That may have even sort of worked when I was younger, but not anymore. I think if I put out a good effort on most days--not a perfect effort necessarily, not a weight watchers level of restriction, but a good effort I can do it.

I'm keeping my calories between 1500 and 2200 and exercising. Most days I hit around 2,000. So far, in June I'm down 4 pounds! The funny thing is that I often feel physically the way I did on weight watchers. I'm usually good and hungry for meals and I have that light feeling, but I haven't felt deprived at all because I really am eating what I want and even the portions I want. Happily, my body really dosen't even want much more than 2000 cal. What IS different is the stupid grazing between meals, giant bowls of ice-cream, large amounts of cheese and popcorn for no reason. If there IS reason---ie: I WANT it. Then I seem to have a large enough calorie range to accomodate that. Also, I haven't worried too much about celebrations--we had a luau at work--I ate whatever I wanted.  Last night I was starving and light headed--we went to Zuppas, and I had what I wanted. The fourth of July is coming up and that means fried chicken and pie of course. I feel happy that I can enjoy these things. Four pounds down, it's a good start. The goal for June is 198. I'm getting my mouth ready for Mamma Crimins.

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