Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Yes, well....

Ok, yesterday was pretty much a wash, but the important thing is that now I know that a 4 oz scoop of Baskin Robbins Love Potion 31 is 260 calories. That's a pretty large scoop too. I don't think I'd mind cutting that in half most days.

Today I'm back on the wagon. I'm not quite sure what to do with days where I'm not hungry for breakfast. On the one hand I never ate breakfast in high school and, like most people, I was a whole lot thinner.  Also the eat to live program which makes a lot of sense to me, really pushes the idea of eating when you're hungry and not eating when you're not. Also, I find that once I start eating it opens the flood gates. I've never noticed that eating breakfast causes me to eat less during the day. On the contrary--I like to start eating and just keep on going.  Huh. I think I've just convinced myself to go ahead and not eat if I'm not hungry. Words to the contrary would be that if you go too long without eating your metabolism slows down. But if I'm not eating because I'm still full--doesn't that mean that my body still has plenty of food? Or, which often happens, I'm simply not awake enough. Isn't it kinder to let my stomach wake up on its own schedule? I think so.

One problem solved. Maybe not correctly, but solved.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

too much but no stomach stapling

I think I was within calories last night because I wasn't hungry for breakfast. Still, I ate past fullness and enjoyed it.

Then I talked to a friend and found out that she is having her stomach stapled this Friday. Ugh! She's not that heavy, but has bad knees and other health problems. I NEVER want to do that. I have real problems with how drastic that is. And it sounds so miserable--just a few ounces of this or that. It's oddly motivating to stick to my plan--no matter how faulty.

It doesn't look as though I'm motivated today. It's potluck, and I enjoyed it. Tonight we're going to the temple and that is a problem as well as we'll need to get dinner somewhere--probably kneaders. I'll try not to go crazy. There's no reason that tomorrow and Friday shouldn't be good days.

At least I'm going out of my way to walk some laps around the duck pond. I FINALLY got half way through the Tortoise Creep race.

Monday, January 29, 2018

Sick Friday weird week ahead

Well, I lost two more pounds by virtue of being super sick on Friday. Friday was my cheat meal. We went to a Thai restaurant where I was disappointed that I wasted my cheat meal on a super mediocre noodle dish. BUT! I cheered myself up that movie popcorn and chocolate was coming. The movie I wanted to see wasn't at the theater where I thought it would be, so we just bought the popcorn and went home to watch the Crown. The first episode was great as I ate popcorn and dark chocolate almonds. And then I was done. And then I felt a little stomach achy and then worse and worse and worse until I started throwing up.

I'd like to think I'd learn something about eating vast amounts of terrible food too quickly, but I'm sure I won't. After just one day movie popcorn sounded fine again. I made sure to step on the scale the next morning and it showed 2 pounds less---a weight I haven't seen since last year when I was going through the Bod-E Talk program. Naturally, it went back up the second I drank anything, but it was nice to know that it is at least technically possible for the scale to show those numbers.

This week is shaping up to be a challenging one. I have one cheat meal per week, but I need three.
Tomorrow is a work potluck--love those! and on Saturday morning we're going to paint pottery with friends and will probably go to breakfast or lunch---I suppose I can skip going out to food, but in the evening, Dave and I are going to see a play, Pride and Prejudice--my favorite! And I want to finally use our Olive Garden gift certificate and make a really romantic evening of it. I do NOT wish to restrain myself in anyway at Olive Garden. Except just maaaaaybeee I can remember  what overeating felt like last Friday, and try to avoid ruining the play by feeling horrible---but I doubt it.

I really think Friday was a one off. Generally, I have no problem eating like a linebacker. Which brings up an interesting question--do I really want that to change? I love eating huge meals. I suppose it might be wonderful to love eating smaller meals. That IS what I'm aiming for right? Sorta. Funny how addictions work. I'm thinking of my blog friend Sean, who was 500 pounds and used to go to buffets with the idea of destroying them. I've never felt the need to do that--but I wonder if he ever missed it? I think so---he did regain about 160 pounds before he turned himself around again.  It's a whole adjustment of what feelings of bounty and plenty and richness mean to me. It's hard to feel rich about less---but it's only less food. I can still feel rich (I think) when I have skinny jeans, good health, self-confidence and STILL have a chocolate chip cookie.

Other thoughts---this is hard, but this phase is temporary--it's the wearing of the cast so to speak. AND it's a little harder just now because I'm trying to play catch up. Normally, it will just be three pounds a month which gives me a little more wiggle room.

I'm definitely going to enjoy my potluck tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

November Goal!

Wooot!!!  Hit the November goal this morning (an even 200)! This still puts me exactly where I was at this time last year, but from here on out it will feel more exciting. Even though I know that today's weight is a temporary flux down from yesterday's fast---still it breaks relatively new ground. I've learned that if I see a weight on the scale--either high or low, it's easier to see that weight again.

Yesterday was much easier than I expected. I had to teach a class during the party and there was a meeting right after so nobody noticed that I wasn't there so nobody tempted me by asking if I'd had any. I closed the fast around 5, had a small snack and got Dad. He wanted to go to a Dylan's--a burger place. Poor Dad--it's hard to eat without teeth and burger places are terrible choices. I've offered to take him to a dentist, but he doesn't seem interested.  The best I can say for myself is that at least I didn't order the shake as well. Also helpful, the small tater tots were skimpy. But the salad bar came with really good dense blue cheese dressing. At home I had 1 cookie and a very small piece of brownie.

Today, annoyingly I also have to fast, but not for as long. I have to have my blood lipids tested to keep wellness time here. So the food day looks like this:

Snack after blood work: about 200 cal--whatever granola bar or nuts they have
Walk around track
Lunch: Lamb meatballs, tziki sauce, lots of tomatoes and onions, baguette .
Dinner/snack--during class break.  baguette, 1 oz cheese, baby carrots, s'more yogurt flip.

All this comes in at around 1200. If I'm hungry I'll have something more when I get home--well, almost certainly one of those caramel cookies, but if I'm smart a banana with a little peanut butter would be a smart choice.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

One solution...

Today was going to present two problems--an office pizza party and the possibility of taking Dad out to dinner--probably Chinese.  I made myself a big salad to help cope with the pizza and was going to look up calories for the Chinese. But poor Catherine has been sick for a long time (six years now) with a mysterious gastric issue. Being gluten-free helps but doesn't cure. She's decided to go the round of doctors again. They're prescribing all kinds of stuff to clear out her system, but it isn't helping. I suggested that Dave might give her a blessing on Saturday when we're in SLC. She did call, and asked if he could come down today? I am delighted that she asked!!! It occurred to me very belatedly as I was going to bed last night that I could help by fasting for her. Fasting is hard for me at any time, but especially once I've got my food planned out. On the other hand, given that it's Catherine and the magnitude of the problem, it's a trivial enough sacrifice.

Helpful, too is that I've got an appointment and a class to teach during the duration of the pizza party, so it will be easier to skip.

More importantly, fasting and prayer moves mountains. It's moved my family (literally) which was much more difficult than any physical mountain. For God to cure Catherine should be easy.

Monday, January 22, 2018

Emotionally satisfying but

An interesting day. One odd problem with calorie counting is that when I don't need as many calories as I'm allotted, I find it impossible not to eat it all. Whereas if I'm not counting I will occasionally leave the table. Unfortunately, it's not usually a problem--the trouble is usually that I want about triple what I'm allotted.

Today's breakfast and lunch were lovely, emotionally satisfying meals. Breakfast was one of my favorites, 2 eggo waffles with nutella a chopped banana and whipped cream. Lunch was bacon wrapped pork riblets with mashed potatoes and peas. SOOOO  good both. Dinner was also good--spaghetti with sausage meatballs.

All within the calorie limit, but too much just the same. If my body says it's full, then I should honor that.

Tomorrow is problematic, but I have a plan.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

One more pound

YAY! down one more pound. Again the scale is stupid, but this time in my favor, so all's well. On friday, I did well as far as sticking to the plan. The weather was horrible when I left work and I was very glad I postponed Riley's visit. I went shopping and while there I did eat a quest bar--I realized that I wasn't going to have dinner till 7:30 or 8 and with lunch at noon that is just too long to go without food. The last thing I want to do is to bring my metabolism to a halt. I bought a few more quest bars and also oatmeal to take to work for difficult days.

Home at last I ate the two pieces of pizza and an apple as planned, but I think it was a mistake. I was ok after the first piece and I knew it. I ate the second one anyway. For dessert I made salted caramel crunch cookies. Those are fantastic! I'm glad I made them because they've allowed me to simplify all cookies from here on out. These cookies are loaded with caramel chunks, pecans and toffee pieces and they came out to 155 calories each.  I'm just going to call all cookies of that size 155 calories no matter what kind they are. It would be very unusual to find a cookie even richer, so I feel safe. I did the same thing with cheese a long time ago----it's 100 calories per ounce or 1/4 cup shredded.

Anyway, Saturday I was down the pound despite having eaten unnecessary pizza. It was a non-counting day and I think I did all-right. We went to a farmer's market and perhaps it was lucky, but they didn't have too much. We bought a dozen range-free eggs. I walked almost 3 miles, I did eat 2 1/2 cookies instead of three but on the whole it was well.

Today is actually working out as a non-counting day as well which was not my intent. I'm having my cheat meal tonight. Blue cheese bacon wrapped ribs and brownies for dessert. YUM! But I had my normal pancake breakfast which is about 400 calories and a very light lunch.  I'm excited to buy my next reward shirt.