Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

So glad

200 today--that's encouraging. But I'm not really 200. Probably it's a few pounds more--I weighed low, because yesterday was a flavor point day and BOY was I starved!! I'm incredibly grateful that I don't have to do insane programs like that unless I want to. FP is helpful from time to time. It's good for me to have a salad for lunch and fish for dinner from time to time. But it really was too low to keep up. Today is a Hungry Girl day--much easier to keep up than FP, but I'm still hungry. We're going out to dinner tonight and I intend to enjoy it--which will put my weight up to 202 or 203, but as long as it's trending downwards, I'm good.

I just keep thinking about others who have it so much harder than I do. Who have to be so strict with their intake. It's a good illustration to me of how being obedient sets you free. The skinniest girl in my office never has to count calories or worry about her weight. She is obedient when it comes to food---she eats whatever she wants with an eye toward good nutrition and STOPS when she knows she's had enough. Because she can stop, she is free to be thin without undue stress.  

I have trouble with the stopping part. Because I am not entirely willing to be obedient and use common sense when it comes to food, I must use additional rules and restrictions to keep me from blowing up to gigantic sizes. It's like being a little kid, who must be confined to the backyard, because they don't know better than to run out into the street.

But THANKFULLY, MERCIFULLY I AM willing to be at least somewhat obedient. I can and do stop sometimes. I do have many good habits, and there are some foody things I simply wouldn't do (like eat a dozen doughnuts in one sitting). And because I am somewhat willing to be obedient to the laws of good health, I get to be somewhat free. I get to enjoy food!! I CAN have a cookie, or a restaraunt or a vacation. I CAN eat things that I like EVERY SINGLE DAY even!!

Someday I will learn to be obedient with things more important than food  and then I'll be free in every sense.