Losing weight in spite of myself.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
IE continues very slowly. I took some crackers to work the other day and noticed that I only taken 8 or 9. On WW I would always have taken the max of 13 and you can bet I would have eaten every bit. Last night I wasn't very hungry for dinner, and in consequence ate a small amount of spaghetti. There are still too many other meals where I way more than I should, but slowly slowly slowly I think I'm beginning to let go just a little bit.
I'm still trying to be reasonably healthy too. Today I brought both carrots and chips and cheese to work. I made sure I ate the carrots. Later this afternoon, IF I want them, I'll eat the chips and cheese. Thighs still feel fat, but my weight seems to be holding steady.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
And now a word about olive oil. I'm trying an experiment. On weight watchers youre supposed to have 2 tsp of healthy oil every day. I never did that figuring I usually had more than enough fats in my diet healthy and otherwise. Well, while I was on WW I begin to experience overactive bladder. These symptoms seemed to ease up whenever I was off plan. It's been much better with IE, but not back to normal--especially if there's ever a time when I eat lightly. I have no idea if a lack of healthy fat can trigger an overactive bladder--and I still maintain that I eat more than enough fats--but I'm trying the ww suggestion of making sure I have 2 tsp of healthy oil a day--usually in the form of olive oil that I eat with bread. Too early to tell if it makes a difference. I sure hope so. It would be an easy and pleasant fix.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
One of the problems with exploring the roots of an addiction is that it's so embarrassing!!!Can I really be so shallow and silly and faithless?? Apparently I can and it's a horrible thought!! So---today I haven't been honoring my fullness very well at all. What's wrong? I'm honestly not sure, but here's what I think it might be, sad to say!
I distrust happiness! Yesterday, for possibly the first time in my life, I got news of my family that wasn't awful. Dad is doing better! He feels encouraged and happy. Lisa seems pleased with my efforts. The Sherlocks are doing wonders with Mom's house. We can celebrate Dad's birthday on the day leaving me my weekend free to run the half-marathon. I've been planning our Disneyworld trip. I did offer up what is perhaps the most shallow prayer of my life a while ago--asking God that if it's possible, I would really like this Disneyworld trip to be a good one--that I could go free of feeling burdened with my family. I'd also like good health and stamina. And I feel as though my prayer will be answered! So what's the problem? I think I have my heart set too much on this trip. I've wanted to go to Disneyworld my whole life, thanks to Catherine's discount, we can really do this trip right. It's 10 1/2 days of pure Disney bliss. I think I might be overeating today out of some subliminal worry that something is going to happen to mess this up. My family will blow up emotionally, or someone will die, or one of us will get sick, or my knee will go out. Good grief!!! I have ZERO control over any of that (except maybe getting sick, and I can only do my best there). I have been blessed and helped over and over and over and over again. Surely I can trust that God will help me with this trip. If something does go wrong--well, so be it. I can also trust that God had a good reason for that too. But really, I think I need to remember the famous serenity prayer. Also, just take one day at a time. Today. A good day!! The weather is beautiful and I can work on my Halloween costume when I get home. Work is good. There is plenty of joy to be had today--not just next month when it's time for the trip. I think I feel a little bit better for having written this out. :)
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
IE doesn't say to go on an eating free for all. It says that I am the boss and the only one who can when I'm full or what I want. However, here's the sad bottom line-
I am almost always going to be full physcially BEFORE I am done eating emotionally.
That means that even with IE I am going to WANT more food than I get. And that might feel like a diet. At least until that magical time when I can adjust.
That means that if I'm eating when I'm full that I AM OFF PLAN!! There IS a plan. And if I don't want to blow up like a balloon and go diabetic, I need to start paying aattention. Or--to put a more positive spin on things---if I want to be healthy, feel great, live longer, live better and feel good about myself, I need to start paying attention.
How will this look in real life? I'll eat breakfast and also other meals even if I'm not particuarly hungry if it's not realistic to eat them later. I'll do my best to make sure that the main parts of the meal are healthy so that I'm doing the actually filling up with healthy foods. Desserts and the like are fine but in moderation--basic grandma rules---she wouldn't approve of just cookies for dinner. There are no "special occasions" because I can eat whatever I want any day. But Christmas, Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving the day after Thanksgiving, my birthday are free for alls. Vacations aren't exactly total free-for alls, but I refuse to worry about food.
That's the basic idea. It's going to take a whole lot of work to wrap my mind around STOPPING when I need to, and also not freaking out about success. And not freaking out if I know I'm eating lightly. It's okay to eat lightly! A salad with light dressing is fine, even if it only has 50 calories, if that's all I want, then it's FINE. Likely, I'll want more than that, or more than that very soon and that's FINE.
Today I had cream of wheat with blueberries. I was hungry so I had a snack of an apple and some nuts. Lunch is homemade clam chowder with--and here's where it's tricky---some little bread rounds and hummus or crakers and cheeseball--but SMALL portions. Dinner is either mexican or pizza--again SMALL portions. If I'm still hungry I can have another portion OR go home and have something healthy to top off with. Challenging but good. I'm going to resume reading the losingweighteveryday blog. I haven't been reading it because he's on such a restrictive diet that is counter to what IE practices. BUT--he's enormously positive and his message is less about his exact plan than it is to make up your mind to succeed and suceed. I need that. Tomorrow should be good as well. I'm walking 6 miles. This isn't to punish myself for being fat, but to prepare myself for the half-marathon in 15 days (YIKES!).
I also need to track here what I'm doing and how it's going.
OKAY! Better days ahead!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Dave and I ran/walked the stake 5K today and I took 2nd place in my age division! (I strongly suspect that there might have only been 2 of us in that division the 46-50 group, but since I don't actually KNOW that, I think I'll go ahead and assume that there were at least 20 of us. My time was 43:09--hardly lightning speed, but I did manage to beat a few toddlers and geriatrics. But what's really encouraging is that that time is good enough for the Disneyland half-marathon which requires a 17 minute mile. This time was well below that, but keeping it up for 13 miles is another matter.
A couple good IE things today--although, as usual, I'm still eating far too much fat and sweets. The free breakfast after the race was pretty bad. I ate the banana and apple juice, but managed to throw away at least 1 of the little scone nuggets that was dry and served without syrup. After the race, I went to the library and shopping for material for a Halloween costume. I wasn't hungry when I left, but was suddenly starving 5 minutes later. I had a biscotti at the library. I knew the fabric store would take some time, and I considered stopping somewhere for lunch, but what I really wanted was a grilled reuben sandwich at home. So I made sure I got it. Later, there was the opening picnic for Dave. I ate too many crackers with salami and cheese, but otherwise looking back on it, I ate pretty reasonably--had a little of everything I wanted--realized I didn't want a full blown burger and just ate the meat. And just ate one brownie for dessert---I wasn't interested in the cookies or rice krispie treats. Actually, I wasn't all that interested in the brownie either--I should have stopped a minute to think through what I really wanted (homemade ice-cream). I wound up having a little ice-cream too later on.
All in all, I imagine today probably kept my weight at status-quo. Ok. Actually, I'd be thrilled to find out thats actually the case--then I'd know I'd either be keeping it here or heading downward.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Sigh. Breakfast was perfect and perfectly filling---cream of wheat with blueberries. No temptation to have extra milk because I knew I could and I was fine. I got to attend a special lunch with the WSU pres today. They served potato bar. I'm not a big fan of potato bars. Neither the cheese sauce or the chili appealed to me, and the dressing they had for the salad was ranch. Blah. I skipped the roll and butter adn the chili, put a little cheese sauce on the brocolli. BUT I had two of the dessert bars on the vague ground that I really wanted them. I'm hungry again now which is good.
I guess the thing to really accept with IE is to find out WHERE I REALLY AM. And I'm scared to death that where I really am is over 200 lbs. But I feel like my weight with ww was artificially low--I had to fight and sweat and strain to get there and it never felt natural. At least if I'm where I really am both in habits and the weight that those habits bring me I can move down for real and really maintain the loss. This is how I lost the original 20--but my goodness was it slow!!!! I can be content (sort of) with slow, but not stopped. And I can tell the weight I've gained has gone to my thighs. What has changed since Iowa? I'm willing to exercise more--I walk 1/2 marathons now and enjoy 5K's. I have many more healthy receipes. But I haven't lost the desire to eat huge portions (though I did leave some potato behind), or to eat super high fat restaurant foods.
Maybe a little good old-fashioned nutritional advice might help. WHY is a big plate of greasy nachos bad for me? How exactly does my body deal with a load of fat and sugars and carbs like that? Maybe if I knew that I wouldn't be quite as eager to indulge. I think I'll check out the book "You on a diet." I thumbed through it briefly once and even that helped. In my mind, if I eat a brownie nothing much happens. But the book points out that quite a lot happens on a cellular level at least.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Fabulous time at Park City. And the food! Oddly, was rather IE. We were good and hungry for dinner (the deal included a 3 course meal)--holy cow! My appetizer alone would have cost $24. However my main dish was a little disappointing, and I didn't eat much of it, and I was full so I hardly touched dessert. I left most of the next day's lunch too, and then yesterday was fast Sunday--had a snack then a reasonable dinner at my Uncle's. IE says something that I like very much. It's talking about favorite "bad" foods and some people have a hard time with those for fear that once they allow themselves what they want, they won't stop eating. IE suggests taking the foods one at a time and eating them until you really and truly believe that you can eat them and---here's the magic---eventually you won't need to PROVE to yourself that you can have them by eating them.
This will take some time. I'm doing fairly well today, except that when I saw the halloween reeses pumpkins (remember my fondness for the Reeses Easter eggs?), I bought four. I wasn't in the mood to have one after lunch today, but something compelled me to eat one anyway. I can't understand it. I didn't want it. I didn't enjoy it as much as I would have another time. Why Why Why did I eat it anyway??? Maybe because it's Labor Day and so I have the day off and this is a lingering symptom of a "special occasion so I'd better eat?" Maybe that's it. Maybe I should start each morning reminding myself, "Today is or is not a "special occasion" day. So I can eat if I wan't to and I can leave it alone if I want to."