Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Friday, September 7, 2012

537 Intuitive by Force

Darn skinny people! I'd forgotten I was invited to a breakfast at work today. Breakfast is a major weakness, because I so rarely get a really elaborate breakfast--and this one was good---fancy muffins, croissants, fruit, potatoes, eggs, waffles, sausage and BACON!! But every single person at my table was skinny. I bowed to peer pressure and had a reasonable amount (but still plenty calorie laden). I was comforted by the thought that I had brought lunch, so if I got hungry later there was plenty I could have. But darn it. I know full well, that if others hadn't been there, I would have eaten more. Even as it was I was probably full before my plate was empty. I made SOME good IE decisions---but it's hard to feel victorious when I don't feel glad about eating less. I was full enough, but I really would have liked more of everything. Tonight I have a wedding reception too. Sigh---the good life is good in every way except this one. Too much of good foody things.


  1. I'm like you in that I have a hard time respecting my fullness when eating foods that I don't get regularly. I made crepes for breakfast last weekend and I could not stop eating them. Yes, I've given myself to eat crepes anytime I want, but the reality is that for crepe eating to occur I have to dig out the blender, combine the ingredients, stand over the hot pan, and burn my fingers flipping them. It's enough of a process that it only happens a few times a year. So while I can in theory have crepes whenever I want, the reality is I know those crepes are only going to be around for a short time, so I have a hard time obeying my bodies fullness signals.

    1. Hi! Thanks for the good insights! We can do this! Kara--I TOTALLY understand your crepe problem. The only real solution I can think of is to go out of our way to make them a little more often. I have foods like that too--and do I actually make them more often? NO! Although come to think of it---isn't it much easier and more pleasant to make crepes than it is to go back on some diet? I think part of my problem is that I try for some grandiose solution--"I'm going to make crepes every Sunday!" when really, if I just made them even once or twice a year more often it would go a long way toward healing. You know---crepes aren't my particular weakness, but I DO like them and make them rarely for the same reasons you don't make them often. Maybe I'll make some next week in your honor. :)

  2. I am so excited about your journey! I am on a similar one and I am grateful for your insights.
    Here's is something I have discovered about myself recently- I usually go after the 2nd brownie (and the 3rd, 4th . . . ) when I didn't really taste the first one. Meaning I ate it so darn fast all I am left with is the lingering flavor in my mouth and very little recollection of what it actually tasted like. So I have to try again.

    Lately I have made myself sit down with my treats and close my eyes and focused on each bite, each flavor, each texture, each swallow and have found that I am much more willing to stop when it's gone.

    Can't say I am perfect at it. Sometimes I find my mind wandering and realize I 'missed' that last bite, but it has helped in the actually application part of intuitive eating. So thought I would share.

    1. HI Jeanette! Are you Stephonie's sister? I'm glad to have you in blog land! (I'm glad even if you aren't her sister). I think that's a good insight you shared. I wonder if it's true for me? My knee jerk reaction is to say that it isn't true for me because I'm already the world's slowest eater. HOWEVER, I'm a major distracted eater. It might take me 30 min to eat the brownie, but if I'm thinking about everything else in the world--maybe I'm not really tasting it after all. I'm not ready to give up reading while I eat, but I can try to be more mindful in other ways. THANKS!

    2. Yes I am Stephonie's sister in law. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I expected to get an e-mail notification or something if I received a reply and it wasn't until I dug back up this particular message that I saw you had replied.
      Forgive me. If you're interested check out thedietingdietitian.blogspot.com. There will be an exciting announcement soon about a program I am starting. I would love it if you would participate, because I can tell you have a like mind in understanding that a "diet" is not the key and I would love your feedback. Stay tuned