Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Friday, September 28, 2012

559 Ugh! FULL

Ugh! Last night was a great example of non-intuitive unconscious eating. It was going to be a long night. Immediately after work I went with a friend to pick up our race packets for tomorrow. AFter that I dropped of my friend, dashed home grabbed harp music and visiting teaching stuff and went to Barbacoa--the new mexican fast food place--like Cafe Rio. The burritos only come in one size--huge. I wasn't hungry, but I knew I wouldn't get to eat until very late. I had a book--and so wolfed down the big burrito and chips WAAAAAAY past point of fullness. I staggared out--went to harp, did my visiting teaching and got home around 9 pm. Tired, but happy it was done. I didn't eat breakfast this morning until 10:00 when I got a little hungry at work and had some oatmeal. Lunch will be in an hour, but I'm still overfull. Does this stop me from wanting lunch? Not a bit!! My stomach is making odd noises still trying to digest last night's burrito--but I'm imagining it means that I'm hungry. Tonight we go to SLC for Dad's birthday. Lisa is making carrot cake. I love carrot cake. Depending how I feel--I will attempt to eat a reasonable amount of dinner and save room for the cake rather than just stuffing it in on top of everything else. Why is this so hard??? I don't even WANT food right now and I still want to eat! What's going on emotionally? I'm a little stressed about going to SLC, but really far less than I normally am. I wish I could stay home and decorate for Halloween rather than go to SLC, but it's hardly a big disappointment--I'll still decorate slowly the rest of the weekend. I'm a little tired, but not unduly so. I'm excited for the 1/2 marathon tomorrow, I'm a little annoyed by work in general. It's a beautiful fall day, I had a lovely walk to work, I'm glad it's Friday. In short--nothing unusual or particuarly difficult about the day to cause me to want to overeat. It's just plain HABIT!!

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