Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Small things

It's amazing how I can forget even the most basic things, when it comes to things I don't really want to do. I need to re-read the Dr. OZ book.  The idea of soy being good for me has stuck. I really love adding soy milk to my normal milk. I can feel that my body loves it.  And I also go that high-fructose corn syrup is a really stupid thing to eat. Otherwise, my mind has thrown it all out. But I will still carry on.

I'm going to look for a ring to wear as a constant reminder that small portions are often enough!! If they aren't enough, I can have more, but it truly isn't necessary to eat like a linebacker all day long every day---(although if I choose to work out like an NFL linebacker, then I can adjust my eating upward).

I'll keep trying to record my food here too, to learn from my mistakes instead of endlessly repeating them. 

The other day, Hollie at 300poundsdown.com talked about how she is a experimenting with weight loss with herself as the chief subject. I'm doing exactly the same thing. And I sometimes get very angry at Weight Watchers and other programs that claim to have solutions. But it has belatedly occurred to me that obesity is a relatively new problem!! It's going to take some real time for the medical community to figure things out. I wouldn't be surprised at all if in 50 years people look back on shows like the Biggest Loser and programs like weight watchers with real horror. But society can't skip steps alas. It's simply going to take time to learn about obesity and how to handle it.  This thought helps me to forgive WW a little bit. They really think they DO have the answers, and they're about the best program out there. It's still abysmally bad, but it's the best society has. Goodness knows, I haven't come up with THE solution. As soon as I do, I'll publish and be rich at last. 

Anyhow---I've also been thinking about how obesity is a combination of habit as well as physical addiction. For example, I have the habit of going back for second helpings at dinner. I really LIKE the action of going back for seconds whether I'm full or not, or even whether I like the food or not. That got me to thinking about other habits I have that I wouldn't want to give up---like opening presents on Christmas morning. I'd feel super deprived if I couldn't do that!! Or reading before I go to sleep. I LOVE doing that. Realizing how deeply engrained many of my food habits are, helps me to appreciate how difficult it is to give them up.  But the good news is, that I don't have to give them up!!!  Not really. I've found that going back for seconds is habit, but the quantity is not!! I've been doing really well dealing with this habit. Either I take a smaller first helping, fully intending to go back, or I take a really small second helping (assuming of course, that I'm really full when I go back), and that's been ok!

Here's another one. I like chocolate after lunch. No problem! The habit says chocolate, it doesn't say a full-sized candy bar. Dark chocolate is even good for me, so bring that habit on!!

Looking back, I've been working on making my habits less deadly over the years and I think it's really helping. I still have a long way to go, but that's ok.

Ok, here's what I remember from yesterday's food. Today I'll actually track it.

Breakfast: 2 eggo waffles with nutella, banana and whipped cream.
Snack: some cracklin oat bran cereal (I call it puppy chow), I love that stuff, but it has a lot of sugar. Luckily, it's super expensive, so I don't have it very often.

Lunch: a HUGE portion of  spaghetti lasagne, 2 small slices of artisan bread, an apple, and a fun sized peanut-butter snickers.

Snack: a fun-sized m&m's

Snack before my night class: String cheese, and goldfish.

Late dinner, after my class. Ezekiel bread with organic (thanks Dave) peanut butter, two slices of bacon (weird, I know, but really good). milk with nestle's quik.

1. Spell Check
2. Peter the apostle--I identify with him! He failed to walk on water, he denied the Christ and yet he was one of the best servants ever. Gives me hope!
3. Cheese
4. Christmas lights
5. Kelsey Frandson, because she looks like one of the proverbial gorgeous mean-girls that terrified me in junior high and still make me feel insecure, and yet she is so NICE!
6. Kelsey's key lime pie
7. Weber's women in motion for helping me to walk my first half-marathon
8. Jane Stout, for being hilarious and walking the Halloween half with me.
9. Catherine for walking the Salt Lake half AND doing the Disney half.
10. Catherine because she loves her old mum.
11. The harry Potter books.
12. facebook--it's fun to keep in touch.
13. Dad, because he is a financial buffer for Christine.
14. Dave, for fixing the swamp cooler every fall and spring.
15. That I've discovered snorkeling
16. That I've been to so many wonderful places.
17. That I have an imagination to take me everywhere I can't get to.
18. Libraries!!
19. Catherine's quirky roommates.
20. The teacher who gave Catherine the chance to go to Turkey. 

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