Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Tuesday, July 31, 2012

490 the other direction

Danger, danger! I feel fat. My favorite Hawaii t-shirt was a little tight across the chest last night. NOT ok. But I have been having some new thoughts. I need to be careful not to freak out when I go in a good direction. The IE program emphasized eating whatever because often people have trouble with that. I think I have slightly less trouble eating chocolate or going to buffets than others might. But since IE is emphasizing eating freely--I need to be ok with the idea of NOT eating a lot if my body doesn't want it. Sometimes when I eat lightly or not at all (I haven't allowed this to happen often) a part of me freaks out--"OH NO! I'M GOING INTO DIET STARVATION MODE!! MY METABOLISM IS GOING TO CRASH!! or, even more common "I'M BEING DEPRIVED!!! I'M MISSING OUT!!! QUICK!! EAT AS MUCH AS I CAN SO I'M NOT DEPRIVED!!!" Not that I think any of this consciously--it just a powerful driving feeling that "I MUST EAT!!" IE suggests that that powerful drive will diminish if I will just refrain from dieting. Ok. I must also beware of "psuedo dieting"--that is saying that I'm eating intuitively, but really making my food decisions based on food police rules. Right now, I don't think I can distinguish between the food police and just not wanting food, or just making a decision because it's a healthy choice that I don't mind making. Whenever anything smacks of eating less or,heaven forbid a small amount, the inner sirens go off. Here's a major siren, "IF I EAT TOO LITTLE MY BODY WILL LEARN TO LIVE ON TINY AMOUNTS AND I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT A BIG MEAL AGAIN WITHOUT GAINING A TON OF WEIGHT!!!!--QUICK!!! EAT SOME MORE!!!"

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