48 years old today--that's so OLD sounding. So mature. I feel anything but. Anyway, I've been very good the past two days and hooray for weight watchers I've gotta admit it works if you can bear to stick with it. 184 this morning. The plan was to not eat breakfast until after I came to work and weighed in. Oh well. Sweet Dave fixed me a birthday breakfast--a very nice and healthy one--but once I ate that, drank the milk, put on my clothes and then went to weigh on the evil doctor scale--uhhhh 189. Oh well. I faxed it in and PEHP can do has they like with it. I'm feeling kind of odd today weight-wise. Almost annoyed that the rest of this week is food heaven---go out somewhere tonight, take C to the cheesecake factory tomorrow and have family up for PIE pizza on Friday. I feel as though I've already pushed my weight luck farther than it can be expected to go--my body is going to finally rebel and put me back up to 200 if I'm not careful. And I don't want to go up. Of course the obvious thing is TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES AT THE RESTARAUNTS. Huh? What was that? Nope, doesn't compute. I've heard strange rumors that others go to restaraunts to focus on the people rather than the food. Well---I might consider that if these were people who weren't around all the time anyway. If I want people I'll go find the people that I want. But if I want food---then I go to where the food is--and there is zero chance that what I'll be wanting is grilled chicken and steamed veggies.
Here's the wishful thinking---this blog reveals the ridiculous amounts of food that are pushed on me (okay--I seek a lot of it out too) on a practically daily basis. Could it be that I'm starting to get sick of it? Could I finally be figuring out that the food is always always always there and it's not such a big deal? Could food someday not be the focal point of my life?
In any case, I think I'll be relieved to get to Saturday and feel in control. Even today I'm not wanting to go bananas--breakfast was perfect--so is the weather, so I walked to work. Lunch featured some extra cheese, olives and a reeses egg, but wasn't totally out of control. I don't know where dinner will be, but I'm not really thinking in terms of some huge feast. I'm tired. Part of me just wants something simple at home, part of me wants to go to Barnes and find something fun. Whatever it will be, it will be a good birthday.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
Food is Definitely the focal point of my life! And it gets in my nerves! I sometimes surround myself with feelings of wanting to be "normal" and not feel the way I do, but I'm beginning to understand that this probably the way I will always be because food is my addiction. Boo! Lol. Good work!
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