Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

368 beautiful

It was a beautiful funeral--the day was a gorgeous spring day and the Relief Society was so sweet--they got flowers from Mom's garden for the lunch tables. It felt good both at the viewing and the funeral to see how many people loved Mom. Carol was so sweet--she never met Mom, but she drove all the way to SLC (about 1 hour drive) to be there for me.

One thing this funeral has helped me appreciate--for me--much as I miss my Mom, much as I didn't want to say goodbye--seeing her death and making funeral arrangements has been FAAAR easier on me than going to SLC to visit Christine and Dad. I didn't spend last week dreading the viewing or the funeral--I just felt peaceful and I'm ok.

Ok--this tells me not to underestimate the stress of Salt Lake Christine visits. I will try and think of ways to minimize the psychological difficulties of this for me--obviously it's a very big deal indeed if I'd literally rather face death than go to SLC.

Food-wise--I feel thin today who knows why? It's been nothing but wrong food for about two weeks. I did walk a 5K on Sunday, but zero exercise on Mon and Tues and fattening food. Today is a little better--back to walking to work and back to semi-normal food--except today we had our bookclub lunch--I wasn't very hungry, but it was still more points than I should have had no doubt. Also, we celebrated Easter a week early since Catherine was home so there is plenty of chocolate. I'm looking forward to the half-marathon tho. It'll feel good to work toward something fun.


  1. I have been thinking of you throughout the day (Wed.)
    Sending you love.

  2. Thanks so much!!! I think you should come to Utah to visit the Deseret Books here and ME! I'd just love to see you.

  3. As a matter of fact . . .
    I am coming to Utah. the 2nd of May we are driving out for the Writer's Conference. Paul will get on a train after that and come back to work while the little one and I hang out in Utah with family. I don't know what the schedule will be. It seems that I will probably spend a great deal of time in Monticello with my parents considering my siblings all have kids that will still be in school. Hopefully we can meet up some time. =)