Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Monday, April 9, 2012

373 Nasty Jolt

Ugh! Good thing we hiked to the pond yesterday. TWO unhappy jolts. The first is a 187 on the scale--granted everything I ate yesterday hasn't processed, but still. And the second is that those wonderful peanut butter eggs are not 2 points. They are FIVE points each. I bet the two points was from the old ww plan. Crud. Crud. Crud.  The immediate panic is that I'm supposed to fax in my weight verification to the insurance people and I'd rather not fax in a weight of 189! (Two points more for the stupid doctor's scale). The plan is to do the best I can today and tomorrow and whatever it is on Wednesday I'll simply have to submit. It must be incredibly frustrating to work with addicts. It's frustrating to BE one. They (the insurance people) have been so nice to me. I want to please them and I want to move, but I'm not doing a very good job of movement. There's a book that I find incredibly frustrating--Diary of a Fat Housewife this poor woman weighs 250+ if I remember right--and this is a record of her attempts to lose weight by eating 800 cal a day. It's a compelling read, but she keeps claiming that she's "learned so much" but as far as I can see she doesn't learn anything at all! I'm frustrated today because I think I'm this same lady! I write all this stuff I think I've learned so much--but really, I have to wonder if I'm not still at square one. I haven't learned to prefer eating right to eating wrong. My default setting is still to graze on as much high fat food as possible and eat gigantic portions. No, I couldn't eat today what I was eating 41 pounds ago at 228--but heck! Give me a few weeks and I'll be right back up there snorking down huge pre-diner "salads" with loads of blue cheese and peanut buster parfaits from Dairy Queen.  FRUSTRATING!!! I want to stomp around and pitch a fit (which would be a great calorie burn) but my left leg is also giving me problems--it was not happy with yesterday's walk which doesn't bode well for the upcoming marathon--so I probably shouldn't stomp around.

I'd better put in some gratitude listing today even though I'm not at all in the mood to count my blessings.  GRRRRR

Progresso Soups--especially the chicken noodle
wasa crisp bread and laughing cow cheese
My healthy co-workers who did NOT bring in goodies today thank goodness.
A gorgeous day to walk to work in.
A reasonable sounding upcoming dinner at my sisters--I ought to be able to exhibit at least some self-control.
The size 14 (YAY!) pair of jeans I bought Saturday
that moods pass
That I'm almost off the desk for today.
That today will pass--family dinner and all.

Ok--I admit that gratitude helps, but I don't WANT to feel better. I want to enjoy my bad mood. I think I'll take a break as soon as I'm off the desk here and go stomp around the duck pond.

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