Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Wednesday, July 6, 2011

SLOW

96

Old habits and thinking dies so hard. It's hard to explain, I'm not exactly having self-sabotaging thoughts--but it's more like self-sabotaging feelings.  I've never succeeded at this before. I don't like limiting my food.  And I'm thinking that I'm almost at 100 days and with the Aruba gain I'm "only" down 11 pounds.  So much effort and so little forward.  That's the feeling and it's powerful and real. I'm not exactly thinking "I can't do this" but the gut instinct is exactly that because I never have done it before and I don't quite believe I can do this.  Also, the last few days have been undefined and difficult.  Last night's chicken might have been over---it used less chicken but more puff-pastry, however, I walked to and from work so hopefully it evened out.  I also had a small sliver of peach pie---since I didn't have any on the fourth after all, the thinking is that I had "planned" (sort of) on a full 1/6 of the pie and it doesn't matter if I eat it on the fourth or the fifth or whenever this week.  Sloppy sloppy. Today, we had a mini retreat at work with lunch of course.  Salad and watermelon and bread and cookies.  Actually this was probably okay--but I don't KNOW it's ok so I feel off-footed and insecure and not especially enthused about getting it back together.  SOOOOOO-----what is some better thinking?

First of all 11 pounds is 11 pounds!!! If I pick up a 10 lb bag of flour that is a solid weight! Also, given that I only had about 50 to lose 11 pounds covers a significant distance to that goal.  11 pounds is GREAT and I've always known this journey would take a long time so I shouldn't be surprised when it DOES take a long time.  OK--the 100 days thing.  If I lose 11 pounds over the next 100 days and the next I will have lost 33 pounds in less than a year.  At my height (5'7) and given that I 'only' had the original 50--that is more than halfway there! In fact, if I actually do that I would only have 17 more pounds to lose to get to goal weight!  Holy smoke--how would I look and feel? I  bet I'll feel terrific.  Next--the whiney feeling that I've "worked so hard for so little."  Well.  How hard have I really worked? Anybody reading this blog knows that I have eaten a great deal of wonderful food.  Including a weekend vacation at lava hot springs, retreats, and a whole week of vacation food in Aruba which included an all you can eat buffet and an entire pizza. I haven't often had to bite the will power bullet.  I've eaten a ton in both quality AND quantity.  Work-out wise how hard has that been?  I've never done a Jillian style workout yet. I do move almost  every day, but it's usually pleasant low-impact kind of movement including the half-marathon. 

I think I'm feeling better. My clothes fit better.  I got to go to Aruba weighing less than I've weighed in a long time. Despite the vacation I'm not up by that much. It might take a while to get off, but so what? In the meantime I still get to enjoy my looser clothes and have great hope for the future.  Have I mentioned Disney World? My plan is that when I hit goal weight of 155, I am taking Dave and Catherine to Disneyworld to celebrate with me.  I'm going to get a little job to earn the money so that hopefully by the time I lose the weight, I'll have the money set aside to go.  A closer goal will be the t-shirt I bought just last week in the Arizona airport. It's a medium (a big looking medium, but a medium none-the-less).  In just 10 pounds it will probably fit.  ---Onward and upward---I CAN and WILL do this thing.

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