I seem to be on a junk food kick--I blame the cheetos. It's all good though. It's not like I'm eating junk food only. I wouldn't get too much if that's all I was eating on WW! So, there's still plenty of the good stuff and I'm actually sort of pleased with the junk food kick. If I can ever get to the point where I don't have to watch every tiny thing and can just more or less live at goal weight--I would expect to follow some natural ebb and flows--like now a bit heavy on the junkfood, maybe next week craving the dairy products--some weeks hungrier, other weeks not so much. I want to learn to follow these rythmns (within reason). I'm sure that following these natural inclinations will be more healthful overall and also a lot more satisfying. Today will certainly be satisfying I think. For breakfast I had one of those lemon muffins and a banana ( a surprisingly filling choice), Lunch will be a big slice of Papa Murphys stuffed chicago pizza and a big cabbage salad with Ken's light Italian dressing (really good) and olives, with a fun-size candybar for dessert. And dinner will be three roadside tacos from downtown to eat on the train to SLC to see Mom. The tacos will be better than what the trucks actually offer. I have a bag of homemade tortilla chips since I don't like the limp oily corn tortillas they offer (yea! the healthier choice is actually a preferred choice!), I'll get the meat only and load it up with pico de gallo, fresh limes, cilantro, charred jalapenos and sides of green salsa. I'm also bringing along 2 ounces of cheddar cheese (some fairly big slices) to eat along with the meat and chips. This will be fun---I love the train--Dave is taking Catherine to BYU today to mess around, so I'll be on my own and can relax eat and finish the book The Firm by John Grisham while I travel and enjoy dinner.
I know I'm breaking a cardinal diet rule, "never do anything else while you eat like reading or watching TV." Reading is my weakness on this one, and realistically, I'm not planning to change that anytime soon. Maybe I'm just rationalizing, but I think I handle it ok--that is that I don't HAVE to eat just because I'm reading. Reading alone is enough, but if it's a mealtime anyway and I'm alone, I don't think I eat any more just because I have a book. But maybe I'm wrong. I think the idea is that if I were to concentrate on my food then I would more easily register what I am eating and therefore be fuller sooner and stop sooner. I don't know. I think if I want to read and can read but choose not to because of food, I think I would just be annoyed and those feelings would pile into my already sufficiently loaded reservoir of dieting hostility. I AM willing to maybe look up more often and savor what I have--that would actually increase the satisfaction with both worlds. The only downside there is that I'm already the world's slowest eater.
Incidentally, fast eating is one fat person habit that I just don't get. I love to eat, therefore I always want the food to last as long as possible. Even at a buffet--I love the experience of eating so I want to enjoy the experience for every minute that I'm there. The fun would be lost if I just inhaled quickly without even tasting or enjoying what I have. Unfortunatley I don't think my slow eating actually translates into eating less. You know how you're supposed to feel full after 20 minutes? Well, that might be true, but there is full and there is full. The 20 minute full point is super easy to override--like many fat people I simply don't care if I'm full. What has that got to do with anything? I want to EAT because eating feels good. If I ever stuff myself to the point where I literally can't eat anymore, I always regret that I can't eat more if the food is good. I wonder if thin people understand this at all?
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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