94
Well, almost all the fajitas I could eat. And since Catherine quite didn't finish her piece, I ate that too--the crust is the best part! I'm truly thankful that tomorrow isn't a holiday because I'm in trouble. If I don't get a grip immediately I will be finished here. Right now, I'm still technically borderline okay. Yesterday was fast Sunday, so a huge meal was kind of ok, though not at all in the spirit of the fast. Today I wasn't hungry for breakfast, so I walked a brisk 5K and then had a plum and later a banana. Ok...a late lunch---1 huge piece of KFC chicken breast (even in non-diet life I rarely have KFC, and boy is it good), 2 KFC biscuits with honey, 1 little corn on the cob, watermelon, 1 deviled egg, 2 pickles, a heaping spoonful of coleslaw. This I can probably work with, but dinner is coming up. I think I want a couple of slices of Catherine's sourdough bread with cheese and I want that last piece of 15 point pie. So, I can rationalize that it's the Fourth of July. I could even accept that rationale if I wasn't also wanting a big handful of chips with cheese right now (I will pass on those). Just now I'm like a child in tantrum--I WANT to lose weight and succeed---I'm fantasizing about the next 10 pounds gone--I bet I'll be able to wear a bunch of stuff at 187 that I can't wear now. But I don't WANT to eat less. I WANT to eat what I want! I WANT it! I WANT it! I WANT it! What am I going to do? I'm going to keep on writing out these feelings here. I'm going to go to the WW site right now and track what I eat and plan out tomorrow and I'm going to walk to work tomorrow and I'm going to put this behind me and work for that 187.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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