Friday and 193---again. I was undone by the bear claw ice-cream. I think I'm getting a little better though. I don't feel so punished by the scale as I usually do when things like this happen. The feeling is often that I have to work and work and work to see the slightest downward movement, but should I slip up and have, God forbid, two bowls of ice-cream, then the scale zooms merrily upward. Hard not to hate that. But writing this blog is helping me to see that while this feeling is very real is simply isn't based on truth. It's hardly as if the ice-cream is the only "slip" I've had over the last 119 days. In fact, I'm beginning to see that my body is working as hard as it possibly can to regain it's normal weight despite all that I do to sabotage it.
A couple of other helpful thoughts. I don't feel repentant about the ice-cream. Hence, the rebel. I simply don't want to live a life where I can never indulge like that. One of the reasons I'm trying to lose the weight is so I don't become diabetic and can't indulge for real. I never thought of it like that! I'm losing weight so can I PRESERVE my indulgences! I like that! What am I working toward?--Being fit and healthy and beautiful---and so much in control of food, that I can thoroughly enjoy it in exactly the right amounts for me most of the time, but am still FREE to go to the fair and have deep-fried butter (no kidding, that's a real food), or the occasional huge bowl of bear-claw ice-cream, or a major movie food orgy.
Also, 193 is exactly where the insurance expects me to be at this point. So it's sort of like a fresh start. My guess is that they'll set another 7 pound target for me--186 by the end of September. That is an exciting number!!!! On the one hand it frustrates me that the process is so slow, but on the other hand I guess I don't really want it any other way--if I went any faster I couldn't have movie popcorn. Also---anything below 193 is new weight. I haven't been 186 for so long that I can hardly even dream of it and yet it is well within reach. EASY reach!! Just seven pounds. Since last Monday was a holiday I didn't get together with Kayla for weight training. We're starting this coming Monday. Perfect. If it causes me to put on a pound or two in the beginning that's okay because I'm at the beginning of the new goal. I have great hopes for the weight training--not so much weight loss, but I think I'll be looking and feeling a whole lot better.
Today and tomorrow I'm counting points, but come Sunday I am going back to the core plan for a little while so I can freely eat steak and potatoes and drink all the milk I want!
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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