111 days--it feels like a long time, but yet it isn't. I'm always surprised that it takes so long to relearn habits or start new ones. I feel like I've been trying this attempt at weight loss forever, but it hasn't even been very long. Just 111 days. Probably the number one difference for me isn't just making better choices, it's acknowledging that there even ARE choices to be made. Today, for example---I was thinking of having popcorn with my lunch--but that gets a little pricey point-wise once I add the oil--so I decided between cheetos and a corn snack. Choosing feels weird. What feels natural is to have the popcorn AND the cheetos and corn snack. For dinner I'm trying a new recipe--spinach and black bean eggrolls. Choice---do I want cheesecake for dessert or do I want to skip dessert and have more eggrolls? The natural woman wants as many eggrolls as I want AND the cheesecake too.
And yet, choosing is a natural thing too---I do it all the time. I can't buy everything I want at the store. I can't do everything I want to in a day. I can't vacation everywhere at once. What do I choose? The fact that choices are everywhere helps me not to feel resentful about food choices. I can feel myself slowly accepting that its normal and natural to think in terms of what I want---do I want a side of cottage cheese OR yogurt? Cake OR a cookie? A big lunch OR a big dinner?
All of this is so very fragile still. I'm thankful I have my whole life to work on it.
Also, good news! Mom is doing much much better!! She seemed like her old self yesterday--and the chemo sounds like it's going to be less frightful than anticipated--she probably won't lose her hair or feel very nauseous. I hope so. I've been praying that she can go to Hawaii--and it looks as though she might make it.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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