Ok--almost finished with my snit. This has been a bad de-railment. It's funny, that I can't tell what my own reactions are going to be. I often get mad and frustrated about weight loss. Sometimes I can take it instride, sometimes I have a brief lapse, and sometimes, like this time--it's a very close shave to quitting altogether. Probably one element this time is that I have been working on my relationship with my sister. It's been very positive and I'm so thankful she's been responsive, but it has also been emotionally draining--and since my resources for dealing with powerful emotions without food are not fully developed, perhaps it's not surprising that my motivation has gone out the window. But writing that out makes me feel a whole lot better!! Perhaps there really was a legitimate reason behind my food behaviors--it's not just that I'm a hopeless case doomed forever to be fat. Maybe it's more like having the flu.
In any case. I ate what I wanted yesterday--nice buffet at work (overindulged of course, but did make a point of eating my veggies). My big weakness is crakers and cheeseball. (I also love salsa, and it occurs to me now that I can eat some salsa with veggies for free!) I also ate 4 pieces of pizza--a mistake on all fronts because I was full after 3. It's funny how "impossible" it seems to be able to calculate points for anything when I'm off track. Even the healthy chili I brought myself came out really thick so I don't know the points. Also exercise seems extra difficult. My legs feel almost normal again today and I had good intentions of walking to work, but it was raining and dark so I didn't. Big deal! I usually walk in all but the very worst weather!
But today I think the food "flu" is beginning to pass off. I got on the WW site and tracked. True, I dont know how much the chili is worth, but I can guess pretty darn well! I brought my points calculator to work and worked out the points for the left over crackers and cheeseball. LOVE cheeseballs. I'm blowing a full 10 points today on crackers and cheeseball. I also have pumpkin seeds, and a reeses pumpkin. Depending on how long my test takes after work I'll either walk home or ride the bike when I get there. I very much like that I know that I can eat chili and crackers and cheeseball and chocolate for both lunch and dinner and know that I'm not going to pay a price on the scale. I'm being gentle--I suppose in theory I should drop to 29 pts since I've been overeating all weekend, but I'm not. I'm starting from today at 36 a day (the 49 pts divided up over the week) and calling it good enough. I hope it will be. I'm still wanting to break 180 before Hawaii, but this feels right to me today.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
Hey,
ReplyDeleteWhen are you going to Hawaii? I want to go!!!