Thank goodness again for this blog. It helps even when I'm half-hearted about it. The marathon soreness is just beginning to wear off. I'm determined to do more--I can see why these things are addicting. The sense of accomplishment is terrific. Food-wise, I've been off track--the most off track I've been yet in this journey. But even that is good---I've been coming face to face with restaraunts lately and and find that not only do I come away defeated, but I don't even wish to fight!
But this I can work with and on. Thanks to the marathon I am still at 189 despite Olive Garden and Lisa's Halloween party. Okay. What am I so afraid of missing out on? Do I really think I'll never visit the Olive Garden again? Or can never buy another treat? When Dave goes to Boston before Thanksgiving, I am planning to go to the Cheesecake factory in SLC, because I'll be alone (therefore 1 meal is comparatively cheap), and because I didn't get to enjoy it very much in Denver. I want to order the buffalo bites again. This is good to think about--I went to the Cheesecake factory in Houston once and that was all for over 10 years. Restaurants close, or I move--there is no Old Chicago in Ogden. So there is a strong element of rarity--better enjoy it now because I can never get it again, an element of celebration, and also an element of diet-free relief---"I'm not going to worry about ww tonight---I can have what I want!" All of these feelings are powerful.
One thing that might help is exercising heavily in the morning--I'm not actually prepared to do this yet, but on Saturday, we went to Goodwood BBQ--and I didn't even care. I wasn't hungry, and I wasn't very hungry at Lisa's party either. I don't think I need to run 10 miles every morning, but I bet if I did I wouldn't want to eat as much as I do now. So, you'd think I made good decisions Saturday? NO. I ate less than I might have, but still way too much very high carb/calorie stuff. Why? Because psychologically I could. Saturday might have been a day when I could have used intuitive eating principles to my advantage and not eaten much because I didn't want much. I'd love to drop ww and go to intuitive eating all the way, but I know I'm not ready. It's still too hard to stop eating when the food is too good or the occasion demands it.
OK--today is Halloween---I'm exusing myself from exercise because honestly, just getting out of the chair is a major effort. We had a potluck at work and I thoroughly enjoyed the crakers and cheeseballs--my weakness, but I also ate a lot of veggies. I'm not planning on a huge pigout tonight. I'll have one or two reeses peanutbutter pumpkins (have already had a small one here) and call it good. Tomorrow I'll go back to counting properly and still keep working working working on this problem. I'm still ok--but I won't remain ok unless I take a firm grip on myself IMMEDIATLEY!!
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
I recommend the book Intuitive Eating
ReplyDeletehttp://www.intuitiveeating.org/
It discusses in depth those feelings that cause us to feel deprived, thus causing us to overindulge. I love the book! Now I just need to implement it.
hey! Where did my response go? I'll try again. I LOVE the intuitive eating book. It's how I want to live someday. Alas, I just can't seem to do it yet. The urge to eat just overrides all other factors most of the time (this is very slowly starting to change). I have a love/hate relationship with weight watchers. It irritates me no end, however it does paradoxically help me with intuitive eating in two ways--first, the points are so measly that you can bet that what I eat is EXACTLY what I want. On 29 pts a day I don't mess with mediocre food. Also, since ww makes me eat far less than I think I want it helps me realize that I often AM satisfied on surprisingly little amounts. The plan is to use ww to get to goal and then very very VERY slowly try and move over to the intuitive eating lifestyle. I can't wait to fire the "food police."
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