I've decided to be proud of myself. I'm annoyed and discouraged about my weight, but I am NOT acting out about it. This is new behavior. In the past I've accepted bad news on the scale as "evidence" that my efforts weren't working so why not eat a cheeseburger and be happy? This time around I've been successful long enough and worked hard enough that I don't want to throw it all away over any emotional upset--no matter how "rational" it appears to me. I was careful Sat and yesterday and will be today as well--I'm back in the 180's this morning---barely, but back. It's silly, but it does make a difference in how I feel about myself. I was thinking about Jennifer here at work--she's been having great success with the core foods plan, and has been on it for weeks. I like that plan too on occasion--it's nice to take a break from counting points. But I was thinking about whether I might want to try it for weeks on end too (always dreaming of miraculous losses of course) and the answer is that NO---I really don't want to do that or any other rigid plan for any length of time. Frustrated as I am and slow as this is, I continue to insist that any success I have be sustainable in the lifestyle that I WANT to have. And that's a slow evolution. Apparently my life contains a whole lot more events such as Friday's luau, holidays, work potlucks, celebrations, movies, eating out, etc. etc. etc. etc.etc, than I had ever realized. As of now, I still find it very difficult to want to manage these events responsibly--who wants to be moderate at a luau?? And the problem isn't just the luau---it's the going out for lunch before and the meals all day Saturday that are the problem. The core plan is clearly impossible this weekend and the points plan is not very practical with my mind set either. What to do? As always, do the best I can make the best choices I can without feeling massively resentful or deprived, and trust that eventually the cumulative effect of practicing ww whenever I can will change my mind and my body chemistry so that someday I will only want foods that don't harm me.
One encouraging thing is that this has already happened to some extent--I read that book about the 80 diets around the world--and some of those high calorie people--Blech. White breads, fast foods, and sugar. It honestly sounds awful.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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