Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Monday, November 7, 2011

217 MY WAAAAAY

A happy day today. 186!!! A new record low! I feel like bursting into song and singing 'myyyyy waaaaaay.' All I can say is that the mind is a treacherous thing sometimes, and life really is based on the way you look at things. Last week I was ready to quit--191--only two pounds down from last summer and completely unmotivated.  This week 186 which is almost 10 pounds from where I was last summer. So today I feel as though all things weight loss are possible and am remembering with gratitude and relief all the mountains of off-track food I've eaten since April. I've loved eating in Aruba, and at the movies, and at Olive Garden and Zuppas. I love that when I work as hard as I can on weight watchers (which admittedly, even on the most rigid days isn't all that horrible), I can look forward to a real Thanksgiving weekend on MY terms. That means cooking all day Wednesday--without worrying about every taste. Eating freely and without guilt on Thursday. Having leftovers on Friday, and then maybe thinking about moderation again on Saturday when I'm sick of turkey anyway (a shame, the turkey is the one thing that wouldn't be bad for me to keep having). 

It's a good feeling---all my life I've been trying to eat anything I've wanted and still lose weight. It's one of the wishes if I ever come across the magic lamp--and I almost have it! If I'm content to move slowly then my food life looks pretty darn good! Even on a day like today when I'm on track, I've settled into many meals that feel normal and plentiful and rich and it doesn't seem too hard.  For example, today for breakfast I had a cherry pop-tart, a PB 2 banana, milk, juice and hot chocolate with whipped cream (9 points). For lunch I'll have the last chicken corden bleu roll----it's BIG, and corn and 2 wasa crisps with butter (about 11 points). I'll be snacking on a new discovery--- roasted edamame--yummy!  Dinner will either be the turnip soup I've been trying to get around to fixing for the last two weeks, with crusty bread. Or, if we go to SLC to take the green car to Mom's, Subways.  Liveable. There will probably be some chocolate in there too.

Oh! The last happy thing. After the fast when I finally got my hands on the fajitas yesterday---I was  finished with only 1!! Weird!!  But I was really done physically and psychologically. I was slowing down about 2/3 through and finishing it was a bit of an effort. Granted, I'd eaten some chips and cheese while I was preparing, and I also had a little rice and refried beans, but still---I usually eat all that anyway and then at least 2 full fajitas plus extras and still feel as though I could eat more.  A promising sign!! Someday what I want and what I should have will match!

2 comments:

  1. How long do you take to eat? You should take at least 20 minutes and put your fork/spoon down between bites and say the alphabet. It lets your stomach get the message you're eating and to send the message on to the brain (in that time)that you're full. It's been hard for me but that's what I do 99% of the time. I'm not perfect but I try hard. AND I'M EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Peggy!!! Actually slow eating is one of my few food virtues. I've never understood fast eating--I LOVE food, so I always want to prolong eating for as long as possible. I think my stomach gets the message but just doesn't care, if the food's good I want to eat more whether or not I'm full. I'm slowly changing that way of feeling, but it's uphill work!

    ReplyDelete