Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Friday, September 9, 2011

160 UP

Hey!! Weigh day and 191!  What gives?? I've been pretty darn good since Monday. I'm worried I'm not going to hit my target by the end of the month--I'm supposed to be at 187. Tonight's not going to be any help either. I was reminded that Famous Dave's is catering the department BBQ. Crud.

I hate it when the scale doesn't give me the numbers I want. Part of the problem here is that I don't believe in 187.  Isn't that crazy? It's only four pounds away, but it's been so long that I literally can't imagine stepping on the scale and seeing that number. A real part of me is convinced that this number can't exist. The other diet stopping emotion is fear/anger. This is always the fear that what its going to take to actually lose the weight is going to simply be more than I'm willing to give and therefore I'm going to be stuck being fat forever, and I resent this and really resent the lifestyle that I imagine I'm going to be stuck with if I choose to be thin instead. Love Sean, but 1500 cal a day for the rest of my life sounds awful.  I would literally rather be fat.  Thank goodness for this blog which proves to even me that a healthier life can still be filled with a whole lot of food. It's just today that the scale is up and I have a salad that I don't want to eat for lunch.

What's better thinking? The amount I'm willing to change and give toward better health can and is growing. No, today I can't imagine being happy with a life of moderate portions all the time, but I AM learning to be happy with that some of the time.  Of all people, I should know that doing what I CAN do works. Why does it work? Because what I CAN do is always just a small step or two above what I actually do in my natural, lazy state. It doesn't take much effort so it's easy not to do what I can do, but if and when I choose to do what I can then progress happens.

Lastly, absolutely great quote from someone who posts on Caloriecounter.com.

We crave what we eat. If we eat candy, chips, doughnuts, cookies, etc., we actually develop cravings for the same kind of foods (word food used loosely here).
If you eat fruit and vegies often enough, you will eventually crave them. This is scientific and logical sense. Recall that years ago people were saying 'You are what you eat', and 'The power of positive thinking', etc.? Well I say 'You crave what you know'

That gives me hope.  It's true! I love watermelon and turkey burgers and wraps and olives, and zucchinni "chips" (cut up zuchinni). 

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