I was proud of myself yesterday--I again ran for 15 minutes, but what was nice was that it was a little easier than the first attempts at 5 minutes were. I knew I could go for longer. Today will be a new record (I hope) of 18 minutes. Food wasn't bad yesterday--again I opted for my snack rather than my lunch--here's a blindingly obvious oberservation--I REALLY like cheese. It seems that often I would rather have a small amount of really good stuff like crackers and cheese and hot chocolate than a full blown meal. With that in mind, I had what I wanted for breakfast--one roll, cheese, fruit and milk. I was pleased with the choice of ONE roll. The natural instinct is to take two, but I realized that I'd be ok with one. Someday, someday, someday I will eat with my head--guided in part by genuine hunger and basic nutrition, but with my HEAD, not emotion--not eating because I'm in the mood to eat, or because I'm bored, or because it really tastes good and I enjoy eating. I will be able to eat for pleasure like any other pleasure---I can WANT a roll and cheese so therefore I will HAVE the amount of roll and cheese that my body WANTS and realize that I'm content, and move on to other things. I'm pleased that I'm started to be able to act like that once in awhile--it's a start. There's a story I may have mentioned in this blog before--about a little boy who had all kinds of problems controlling himself. The parents were watching the boy play through the one-way glass with the therapist. Another boy took a toy away from this boy and the troubled boy handled the situation just fine! He didn't melt down, he didn't attack the other kid. He resolved the situation appropriately. His parents were thrilled. The therapist said something like, "Yes, but remember he can't behaive like that yet." The parents said, "What do you mean?? He just did it!" "Yes, he's making progress, but it's going to be a long time before he will be able to make those choices consistently."
So it is with me. A promising start--but it's going to be awhile before reasonable behavior with food is my automatic default setting.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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