Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Wednesday, February 8, 2012

306 Give up on the crash!

I seem to be in the mood to preach. I was thinking about my lace curtain and Sean's steel curtain.  I think it's probably true that all of us need a different degree of help when it comes to weight loss. It's like having an accident--perhaps a person who is completely out of control--500 lbs or whatever, really does need a steel curtain just like a very damaged human might need a full body cast. Someone like me, who is moderatly out of control doesn't need the full cast, but I do need crutches until I can heal.  The hard part is knowing what you need and sticking to it long enough for you to heal. It's easy to think my problem isn't bad at all so I don't need my crutches! I throw them away before I'm ready and then my mind doesn't get the time it needs to heal properly in terms of the food addiction. 

I suppose the only way to know the level of "treatment" that we need is by the way we act and how badly the restraints chafe.  When we first have a broken leg the cast feels good--but after a few weeks it gets to be itchy and irritating. That doesn't mean the cast should come off then, but it's a good sign that something is healing. I suppose it's just difficult to be as honest with ourselves as we need to be--IS it time for the cast to come off? or am I just rationalizing? I haven't been tempted to take the cast entirely off these past 10 months, I know I still need help, but when the time comes that I AM tempted I should ask myself things like: Am I at goal weight? How long have I been here? Do I still WANT to eat huge amounts of the wrong things that will cause me to gain weight?  And after I take the crutches off I think I'll need to monitor things very closely. Am I maintaining? Am I happy? Am I deprived?

What brings this on? I guess I've just been reading too many blogs by people on what I consider to be super restricted diets--like 1,500 cal a day. Ok, yes that's a safe thing to do, but I wonder how necessary it is to do it? I've NEVER been able to subsist on such a small amount and I've never been 250 or 300 pounds or more. I'd bet that the lady (350 lbs) I read about--rather than suddenly eating 1,500 cal and exercising--could eat 3,000 cal (especially if it was overall good food) and exercise and lose weight just fine!!  I feel passionate about this. I've struggled with my weight my whole life--it's a heartbreaking problem and despite all the so called "help" out there people are fatter than ever.  I've never been able to lose before because every diet or "lifestyle change" or whatever has ALWAYS been too extreme.  And I'm not talking about fad diets!! I'm talking about the Diet Center and Weight Watchers and eating 1,800 cal. I finally figured out that it DOESN'T MATTER if the plan is "healthy" or not if I can't stick to it. And I can't stick to it if the plan feels like a crash--which they always do and for good reason!!  I figured out that left to myself to maintain a weight of about 200-220 lbs I reguarly ate between 3,000-3,500 cal and didn't exercise much.  To drop from that to 1,800 cal or WW plan is a HUGE drop a VAST difference between my new and old life. It was always too big of a jump and I crashed every time.  I hate it when I read about good, sincere, obviously wonderful people who are suffering, who wrestle with food addiction problems which are worse than mine and are trying to solve them by trying to stick to some diet that sounds good on the books but is light years away from what they're used to.   Finally, finally, finally, I'm finding what works for me and it ISN'T a crash. My goal is just SIX pounds in two months! And even that is pushing it! I wish I could reach every failed dieter out there and tell them not to quit trying, but to give up on the programs that are not built for their lifestyle!!

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