Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Friday, February 3, 2012

302 Disgruntled

Hmph. 188.  Darn it.  Counting calories simply isn't getting me anywhere.  It might if I counted a few less calories every day, but I don't want to go below 2,000.  Back to weight watchers--which almost certainly puts me below 2,000 but I don't quite know it so it's ok--sort of. Especially since I'm going to start with the simply filling plan and have steak and potatoes (as much as I want!) on Sunday. 

I wonder why it is that I have such a terrible attitude about dieting--and thanks to Honor Warren at myjourneytofindingmyself.blogspot.com, for calling a spade a spade. It's a DIET!! Yes, everyone talks about a "lifestyle" change, but if you're restricting what you eat it's a DIET DIET DIET.  But so what? In all other areas of my life I'm an optimistic soul--I see life's glass as better than 1/2 full and am delighted with it. But when it comes to watching what I eat I see life's glass as literally 1/2 empty with no potential of EVER being full, let alone overflowing with joy as happens in other areas of life. But that's simply not true. Even on weightwatchers there is MUCH to be grateful for. You know, that was the original intent of this blog--to notice what I am grateful for in the food world. I need to try that again--to be grateful for the food I have and notice it's freshness and abundance. And maybe it will help to more specifically write my wishes too---I want to be careful not to give any more power to the negative side, but I wonder if what I really am wanting is not an infinite amount more of food--but does it boil down to just a little more cheese and some cookie?  Maybe if I see that what I want isn't that much then it won't seem like such a sacrifice to give it up temporarily--because it isn't that much I CAN have it sometimes--especially if I ever get to the maintenence phase.  I can't even imagine what it would be like to get on the scale and be happy with the same numbers every week.  Conversely, if what I'm wanting is unreasonable, then maybe it will help to see that too. It's just hard in America, where I always COULD, if I wanted, get more.  I think if I were starving in Africa, I'd actually feel less resentful and really would be genuinely optimistic and grateful for my morning piece of bread.

 In any case gratitude and noticing my food blessings starts now.

I'm grateful that yesterday when I only had full fat hotchocolate, that I noticed that I didn't really like it any better than the 25 cal stuff.

Today I'm grateful for the balsamic vinegar on my tomato salad.  Yummy!
Today I'm super grateful for pizza and friends and to know that I can have pizza and friends both and still lose weight.
Today I'm even grateful for weightwatchers. I'm thankful that there ARE plans out there that work and that it's only Feb 3rd, and I have until March 30 to hit the next goal of 181 and that's it's totally doable. I'm grateful for HOPE.
I'm grateful today to try a new weird "dessert" peach tofu--for only 90 cal and I bet it's good.
I'm grateful today to have a new hummus that I made that's really good--I'd make it again diet or no diet.
I'm grateful for a husband who loves me no matter what size.
I'm grateful to have had the last of the blueberries on my cream of wheat.
I'm grateful to have had bacon--and that I can have bacon on weight watchers everyday if I want to.
I'm grateful to have had a healthy body for 47 years.
I'm even grateful for the problem of obesity. It is a concrete problem, and wrestling with this problem helps me deal with other less concrete problems.
I'm grateful that I've come so far.
I'm grateful that lunch isn't very far away.

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