Hmph! Post 42 never did show back up. I'm remarkably irritated by this. On the other hand, this blog is repetitive enough that anything I said will show back up again and again and again and again. I'm glad to be going back to counting points tomorrow--I'm sure I'll regret it by early afternoon, but it's nice to feel more confident in what I'm doing. I'm also unusually grateful for ww today. As I read blogs by people on very strict plans--1500 cal from Sean and Laura--I'm grateful for the flexibility in ww. Don't get me wrong---I think for some a definite calorie count IS the way to go--it's simple, concrete and it works. However I don't think normal skinny people eat like that, and that's what I'm shooting for--to eventually become the kind of person who can eat whatever I want and still be thin. Some days I'm hungrier than others. I'm glad WW dropped the old plan where you had to eat so many veggies and so many proteins etc. every single day. I just don't work like that. Sometimes I'll eat loads of veggies, other days I'll be more interested in bread or fruit. I like the idea of flexibility within parameters. Actually, I think in an ideal world there would be a sort of graduated dieting program based on what kind of problem a person has---more than what ww offers which is just more points depending on your weight which decrease as you go. From what I've read people that are really overweight seem to thrive on super strict limits like 1500 cal or the red light, green light program (eat whatever you like of green light foods--don't touch the red, careful with the yellow). People like me with a moderate problem maybe should work with some flexibility as we learn how to relax with food and yet not let it control us.
Speaking of problems---I wish someone would address different problems people bring to the idea of losing weight. Sean and Laura--the 1500 cal super-successful (and wonderful) people, both talk about how the idea of dieting always felt super restrictive to them because to them dieting = eating food that they hated and never having the good stuff again. Therefore 1500 cal really works because they get to eat ANYTHING--popcorn, pizza, ice-cream--ANYTHING, so they claim to not feel deprived, they get to have everything they love--just in small sizes. I kind of identify with this--in high school I went on a stupid 800 cal diet for about three weeks and I still remember feeling great about my open-face bacon sandwiches on homemade bread.
But my problem is a little more obnoxious I think, I've never been too bothered by "diet foods" I LIKE fruits and veggies as well as everything else. My problem is that I feel ENTITLED to eat anything I want as much as I want all the time and I feel deeply resentful at the thought of portion control. My MIND understands (sort of) why I can't eat 10 slices of deep dish pizza everything with huge brownie sundaes and look like a super-model, but my HEART (and stomach) just don't get it. It feels ridiculous that I can't eat 5,000 cal a day if I want to and stay slim. My heart is still very much stuck in two-year old tantrum mode---but I want another cookie!!! NOW NOW NOW!!! Sigh. I'm working on it. But I still haven't found the plan that will satisfy whatever it is that entitlement feeling is looking for. WW isn't quite it---I'm kind of hoping I'll be the opposite of an anorexic girl I saw on TV once---her doctor was telling her parents that at all costs she simply had to gain 10-15 pounds so her body could begin to register that it wanted food. I'm hoping that if I lose past a certain threshold, then my body will figure out that it doesn't really want all that fat and sugar.
I had a bunch of points left for today and I'm sure I blew them all and then some. To my great annoyance, even though I could have slept in today, I was up at 7:15. Catherine was annoyed because I woke her up while I was doing the dishes (that SHE should have done), so we were both crabby. I took this crabby teenager shopping for graduation party supplies. Wingers sounded good--figured we'd both be a whole lot less crabby if we weren't hungry. I was right, but wingers wasn't the best possible choice. Again--I was crabby which is not a great mind set for self-discipline. I had the fajitas--didn't eat all the sour-cream, cheese, guacamole or tortillas. Only most of them. The rationale--which still carries some weight for me---is that skinny people do this too. Occasionally skinny people will go out and eat too much of the wrong things. The key word there is "occasionally". I struggle with that word. Again, I'm glad for the ww points system. I hate it, but it's what I need and I'm enjoying the fact that the shorts I'm wearing today are really loose.
Oh---I rented Just Dance for the wii yesterday---wonderful fun!!!!!
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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