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No word from or about Mom. Good. I'll go down tomorrow and see her. Right now it's 5:30 and I'm STARVING! This is so silly. I should be hungry--I haven't eaten yet--that's the point. It's okay to be hungry for goodness sake---dinner is in the oven (and it's a good one) and will be ready in less than 1/2 hour. Even still, because I'm hungry right now I believe that I'll ALWAYS be hungry, that I can't be satisfied on ww portions--etc, etc, etc etc. Nonsense. A: I've been pretty well satisfied all day up to now!! I had pancakes for breakfast, grilled cheese and soup for lunch. For dinner I've got a large meal of really good Italian chicken with a thick creamy sauce, noodles, veggies and watermelon. I think I'm irked because--did I mention I was hungry just now?---I can "only" have ONE pumpkin chocolate chip nut muffin for dessert---with hot chocolate. I just dislike the idea of being "finished" with food for the night.
What if I want another muffin? or popcorn? or cheese? and I can't have it??? I sound like I'm two years old--so lets work through this. A--I CAN have it if I want it. I have all the points for the week and I could blow it all and have all those things if I want to. B--AFTER dinner, I'll probably be full--or at least a whole lot less hungry than I am now. C--If I'm still genuinely hungry this evening I can, and SHOULD eat something even if it's over points---it's okay, if my body is really demanding it, then I need to give it something. D--It is possible to have SOME self-discipline. In fact, this mini-tantrum is probably a good thing. Losing weight is learning how to say NO to some of the things I want and yet learn that I can still be happy. Just like I can be happy at the mall even though I'm not buying everything I want. Some things some times is a perfectly normal way of life--I just don't like it yet----waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Moving on! Tomorrow is memorial day. BARBEQUE!! And happily, this isn't going to be very tough on points either! BBQ chicken, potato planks, watermelon, deviled eggs, sourdough biscuits, pickles, grilled pineapple rings, and grilled banana boats with chocolate chips and marshmellows. I guess I won't starve.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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