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Stressful evening!!!!!!! Lisa called. Mom got sent to the doctor from work the other day because she was BRIGHT YELLOW!! She says she feels fine, but has had horrible itchy skin for the past two weeks and her urine is brown. I don't like the sound of this at all. The doctor said he thought it was a blocked bile duct, but the ultra-sound didn't show anything. She's going in for a cat scan this morning. Poor Lisa is really scared. I'm determined not to be too scared until I know for sure what's going on.
With that in mind, I went to go and do the bills. AAACK!!! Every bill was DOUBLE the normal amount!! Sure enough, I didn't pay the bills last month!! How did that happen???? The money was subtracted in the checkbook, I marked the bills as paid, but apparently I never actually got on line and paid them! Worst of it is that we have no money to pay them either. We managed to fritter it all away. Sigh. Bless Dave, he was so sweet. We spent a lovely hour on the computer combing our online records. He's not mad at me. We have money (earmarked for Aruba and Catherine's housing) we can use to catch up and then Dave should get some big checks, but still. It's scary. Everything is down to the wire. The buffers are gone. I had hoped to do a little buffer re-building with this check, but obvioulsy that's not going to happen.
Food-wise. Sigh again. Exceptions and temptations everywhere I go. Before either of last night's difficulties we were SUPPOSED to go to Catherine's baccalaureate. It seems to have been canceled at the last minute but we went out for ice-cream anyway. Actually, I was quite moderate, I'm proud. And I have the points, but I didn't really want to use the points for that--I should have just said no thanks.
Tonight I'm taking C to BYU for an orientation that she doesn't need. Sigh again. She's excited to go to the Y and I'm so excited for her--this is really why we're going to this orientation, but the gas and the food. Oh well at least I'm planning food-wise. I had a 4 point breakfast and will have a 4 point lunch leaving me 21 points to have a polish dog and chips or whatever tonight.
Next week's "exceptions" are fierce. I honestly don't know if I can cope with these upcoming two days. It boils down to whether on that day, and faced with that buffet if I will want to lose weight more than I will want to eat everything I want. Hisptorically, that answer is an easy--no way! Pass the bacon. What this is is a conference for work. I can't get out of it. We're going up to a beautiful resort and being fed like kings for breakfast and lunch on both days. I have a real weakness for breakfast buffets--and these are going to be good ones--BACON (my favorite food), biscuits and sausage gravy (the one thing in the world I can't make and I love to have), one of the lunches will feature cheese-stuffed steak. Chocolate cake is for dessert. Oh boy. I don't want to be good at all! If it was just one meal I that would be fine, but it's FOUR meals almost back to back. I just barely got past the Lava Hot springs food delay. Also upcoming is Catherine's party on Saturday (really good cake and ice-cream). I'm not too worried about Saturday, because I'll have just walked a half-marathon. But MONDAY we're going to outback steak house. I think I can be reasonable at Outback---but breakfast buffets??? Waffles, bacon, fruit, bacon, sausage, bacon, doughnuts, bacon, milk, bacon, eggs, bacon, juice, bacon, biscuits, bacon... I wish I didn't love food quite so much.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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