41
The forty-one means 41 days since I began weight-watchers on April Fools. I've been reluctant to put up the number for fear that I'll quit at any minute. I'm still not at all sure that I won't quit--after all, I've never succeeded before. But what's the worst that can happen? I'll vanish from this blog for however long and then come back someday with a new day one. It's not like anybody is out there reading this. Putting up the days helps me keep track on where I am with Sean's blog (losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com) and it's like a mini-celebration in itself. I've been working hard for 41 days already! That IS success.
Yea! Feeling better and am drug-free (except for the daily allegra). It hasn't exactly stopped raining, but it paused long enough for me to walk to work. It felt good to move a little bit! Feeling a little better emotionally too---I made some phone calls I really needed to make yesterday and it helped. Food-wise I'm doing fine, but I don't trust the idea yet that I can be full and still lose weight. This week will be a poor measure--I was off track over the weekend and I've been sick and mostly non-exercising without reducing my in-take. I just plain like to eat.
I like to eat is such an obvious statement, but one that's overlooked I think. I love to think about what I want (an oatmeal peanut-butter bar with chocolate frosting--11 pts for a small piece), and then WITHOUT worrying about consequences--make it and enjoy as much as I want of it!(try a 44 or 55 pt serving!) I love to graze on high-fat nuts and chocolate then have meals with lots of butter and dressings and cheese. Any diet just plain interferes with what I want to do and it interferes every hour of every day. I haven't been particuarly hungry this week--but I've still wanted to eat. This is the addiction. How does one learn to not want all the food? I have some ideas---about 90 of them if I ever get my book published, but even still it is just plain hard. Who enjoys self-denial? And yet, even as I type this I can sense some healing going on---I have been enjoying the food I love. I can make the peanut butter bars anytime I like. It's nice to think that the food I eat is actually helping me, not harming me. I like the sensation of eating with an eye toward rewarding my long suffering body with vitamins, and fiber and all the things it's long been denied. But that constant gnawing desire is still back there "eat this, eat this, eat this, eat this." It's only tht for the last 41 days that voice hasn't been so loud that I couldn't tune it out.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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