AAAck!! ICK!! The nachos I've been so looking forward to were a MAJOR disappointment last night!--This is largely due to the fake fat-free cheese I tried to make it with. I was so so enchanted with the idea that I could have as much cheese as I wanted that I actually bought a bag of shedded mozzerella fat-free cheese. It doesn't melt, it doesn't taste--it only glued the chips to the plate. Never again. Are there really people out there who think this stuff is good? I feel sorry for them---how sad to lose real cheese! It's my favorite food.
It's the number one thing I miss whenever I try to lose weight. I haven't yet figured out the way to deal with cheese in a reasonable way. I have 3 pts (just one ounce) of the real thing cut up on my salad today, but I miss having chunks of losts of kinds every day. I guess I can save up points and have cheese and crackers, but I don't always feel free to save points for something like that because I need them for those darn exceptions that keep popping up. This week for example, has our anniversary celebration (going to lava hot-springs on friday and staying overnight) and mother's day on Sunday (mom's rouladen). I'm not going to go diet-bananas on our mini-trip. I'm going to try and eat like any person who weighs my ideal weight would eat---so to my mind that means if the continental breakfast features doughnuts or muffins I'll have one--especially if there isn't anything else available. Rouladen-wise---there is no help for this dish, I'll make a stab at moderation, but these have the perfect fat/salt combo that will trigger every physical addiction that I've got. Do my best and back to the plan on Monday is about the best I can promise.
In the meantime I have a sore throat (no wonder I was feeling tired and unmotivated yesterday), and I'm feeling guilty about chuch work. I'm in the RS presidency and I've been sitting like a bump on a log doing as little as possible, and not even that very well. I'm afraid of being overwhelmed, and I've let people down. I hate contracting obligations that I'm not prepared to follow through on and so disappoint people. I need to learn to do small acts of service without giving the impression that I am going to be there forever. I need to see Bonnie---struggles with major suicidal depression--I know it, and I still haven't really seen in her over 2 months, Verna Mead--heart problems will likely die in this next year--I did great seeing her in the nursing home, but haven't seen her since I've been home. Call Lindsey--she's the new head of the 'friendship committee' and should have had some direction from me two weeks ago. See Tammy--mom of the boy who killed himself, and THEN I should do my visiting teaching--I WANT to see Kay, she's a talker, but I really enjoy her and would love to get to know her. Sigh. I ought to go to the temple too. This just clears out the personal obligations. Church work begins after I get this stuff in order. I need to just chip away at this like the Aruba stuff (I did manage to do some Aruba chipping yesterday). Today I can drop in on Verna and call Lindsey. Catherine is graduating and there are parties and family to organize and the stupid green car is on the blink again--not an expensive fix, but everything is more than we can afford just now. So, I'm feeling overwhelmed--probably more so than usual because I don't have food as a fall back. Maybe this is a good thing though. Visit-wise I ought to feel guilty and not mask the feeling so that I will actually DO something about it. So, I will do my best to repent---but not with the "aid" of fake cheese!
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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