Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Friday, August 24, 2012

an experiment tomorrow

Well, I broke my word and got on the scale the other day. I know I've been overeating. Each day, I make MANY correct IE choices, but unfortunatley each day I make too many dumb choices and I feel fat and bloated. 190. However, I was dressed and was feeling bloated, which is probably why I weighed myself then because I wouldn't have to really accept the weight I saw.

Ok, here's tomorrow's experiment. I honestly and truly have not been wanting as much food as I've been eating. But if it's offered to me, or it's on my plate, I have a devil of a time saying no--even if I don't want it! So---just for tomorrow, I'm going to serve myself up little portions and take those little portions away from the main source of the food. If I'm still hungry I can go back for seconds or even thirds or fourths or whatever--but if I'm full maybe it will be a little bit easier to say I'm done.

I suspect that if I could just let go and let my body do what it wants it really might revert back to something very similar to when I was pregant--that is, I'm carring around so much extra, that I doubt my body wants or needs very much food at all at this point. I bet my body WANTS to eat like a mouse until I get to whatever my normal size is, and then I bet my appetite will increase to a normal size to maintain that weight. I just need to get out of my own way. MUCH harder than it sounds!


  1. I am terrible at recognizing my fullness signals. Terrible. It really surprises me that I can be so out of tune with my body. I've recently dialed back my Intuitive Eating to two basic facets: giving myself permission to eat and not doing other things while I eat. But when I'm ready to move on and really start paying attention to my hunger/fullness signals, I've considered doing something similar to what you are doing here. I think doling out my food in small portions (with unlimited permission for additional helpings) will give me natural stopping points to pause and assess my hunger. I will be interested to see how your experiment goes.

  2. Ugh! Sorry you're having trouble with that--but it's nice to know I'm not alone. :) We're going to do this!