Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Monday, August 6, 2012

496 easing up

The sale went well. Christine wants to keep it going for a few more days. More power to her. I was well and truly done. It was hard to let sentimental stuff go--especially at prices far below the item value, but the important thing is that it went. Boxes and boxes of stuff were packed and taken away that I didn't have to pack and take away. From here on out it's cleaning and taking stuff to DI or the dumpster. Dave and I are going down tonight.

Food-wise--I think/hope the book is right. The compulsion to eat really DOES seem to be calming down. I didn't eat much during the sale itself--I was busy and tired and hot. The day's intake amounted to 2 fiber 1 bars, an apple, some crackers and cheese and 1 slice of cold thin crust pizza. It was more than plenty. Afterward we went to the Olive Garden. I genuinely ate plenty--but I didn't feel like ordering an extra bowl of salad and I only ate 2 breadsticks (we did have the brioche appetizer though) and 1/2 of my entree. We shared a rich dessert. So, yes--still a calorie disaster no doubt, but not as crazy as it has been in the past. I wasn't overly full, but I had no desire to eat more. Yesterday was even more unusual. It was fast Sunday, which means to eat nothing including water for at least two meals. the idea isn't to pig out when the fast is over, but that's usually what it amounts to. We had porkchops, corn on the cob, watermelon and sweetpotatoes for dinner. I surprised myself by being done before I'd finished the porkchop. That NEVER happens. It actually felt really good. I wasn't overstuffed and I didn't want to be--even on a fast Sunday! I saved the rest of the chop, threw away the uneaten corn on the cob and later enjoyed the chocolate melting cake.

Today I'm looking forward to the rest of my Olive Garden Ravioli. I'm also excited to keep working on the 12 step questions. I'm still on step one--the hardest step I think. It's extraordinarly difficult to let go and admit that I need God's help on this. I think the exploration of why I fight so hard to retain the freedom to do this myself is a huge key


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  2. I posted a comment but then I had a service unavailable error when I tried to post it.

    Anyway. This is very exciting to read! I have no doubt that as you continue on this path of discoveries and listening to your body that the number on the scale will go down.
    Love ya!

    1. I love you Steph! I have lots and lots of doubts! :) Especially now--while I might be eating a little less than on a "between diet" spree or on a day of "exceptions" there's no doubt I'm eating a heck of a lot more than weight watchers would allow. I don't think actual weight loss will happen unless and until I really let go and I'm not confident that will happen in my lifetime! Good thing there's the next life. :)