Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

528 Carrying on

Yikes! I don't want to become an erratic blogger. I think one of the hardest things about IE is the illusion that it's easy. Because I think it's easy I have less to blog about--sort of. Truth is, if I pay attention, I have as much as ever to say because it's a struggle. I wish I could marry IE to weight watchers. IE nails my problem on the head time and time and time again--it is SO refreshing to feel understood, if only by a book. On the other hand, it isn't all that great about telling me what to do! And the lazy part of my wants very much for someone to just tell me what to do, rather than to thrash this all out for myself. Anyway, one obsticle--IE keeps telling me to trust myself around food--especially "forbidden" foods. Actually, that's not so much of a problem. It's "forbidden" portions. Letting that go is SCARY. Give myself full permission to eat how much I want all the time? Actually, I do that quite a lot anyway. There is a fine line---if I really said ok to that would I eventually stop wanting so much? Or would I simply relax into a new "natural" weight of 300 lbs? Would there really be a difference? All my life have I been overeating because it was somehow the last time or a special occasion? This blog certainly testifies to the huge number of "special occasions."

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