Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

524 First Experiment

Okay! First day's experiment results are in and I.....drum roll....need practice! Maybe I shouldn't have skipped breakfast--but honestly, I wasn't in the least hungry. I was still stuffed from yesterday. Instead, I had some water, and walk/ran a 5K. Still not hungry. Had some more water and made my mom's pflaumekuchen (plum cake--the real thing with loads of butter), put that in the oven and mowed the lawn. Still not hungry--had more water. When the cake had cooled a bit, I WAS ready to eat a little. It was surprisingly hard to cut myself a small piece!!! I had to tell myself several times that I could have more if I wanted. I did succeed in having a small piece and a small glass of milk. I was perfectly content--but still a little freaked out that here was all this pflaumekuchen and I had hardly touched it!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!! You know the motto, "make peace with food" ?--for me, I think it's going to be "making peace with portions". Anyway, I had some errands to run and when I came back I was ready for lunch. Ok, I think. I was truly hungry--I had a grilled cheese sandwich, some olives, some doritos and some raw cauliflower. After I'd eaten that, I'm not sure if I was still hungry or if I just wanted more cake? Cake won. I had a larger piece than I'd had before (because I happend to cut it that way) and some more milk. Had a nap, and went to SLC for a birthday party. I wasn't hungry when we left, and wasn't consciously all that hungry when we got there, but my body must have been really hungry. It was difficult to speak to people I was so eager to get to the table--that annoyed me. I did NOT succeed in dishing up small portions there. I ate two plates of fruit, chips and dip (my favorite) and two hotdogs, plus cake and ice-cream.

So--ok, I think skipping breakfast might be a bad idea even if I'm not hungry, especially if I exercise. The first small piece of cake was a success and so was adding the cauliflower to lunch. I will build on that tomorrow. One thing I did right when I was pregnant was to try to eat as healthily as I could when I could eat. I want to do the same here. If for whatever reason my body doesn't want a lot of food--I think it's important to make sure that overall the food I do eat has nutritional value.

I'm frustrated with my reaction at the party--not just that I ate a lot, but that I wanted so much. I feel a little betrayed. I WAS honoring both my hunger and my fullness all day long and then suddenly I just had to eat a big birthday dinner? Why didn't my body reward my efforts with a normal sized appetite at dinner?? Maybe it was backlash from skipping breakfast, but it's still annoying.

Tomorrow is another day, and I like this idea of practicing portions. Obviously, there is a lot of work to be done.

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