Scary Scary!!! I'm too full and I feel fat. Why did I eat all that lunch? I wasn't really hungry for it. I could have eaten 1/2 of it if at all--but I didn't. I ate the whole thing. The only good thing is that I'm honestly not liking this feeling of feeling too full. That's a change--usually I love this feeling--but today I don't. At all. The thing I'm afraid of is that I don't dislike the feeling enough to want to prevent feeling it again. I can easily see myself for the next few years consistently overeating and each and every time saying , "yep--overdid it again. Don't like that."
Maybe my committment just needs to be as simple as every morning saying that I'm not on a diet and I'm going to enjoy everything. And then before I eat ANYTHING just ask myself am I going to enjoy this or not?
I'm also frustrated that I can't excercise just now because of my back. Patience is NOT my best virture.
I want to comment on an insightful comment on yesterday's post. I said that the Lord probably wishes I'd quit wasting so much energy on this and just get out there and do my visiting teaching. Here's Stephonie's response.
I think He does care because He is aware of us and He is aware of our concerns. When we are overweight what do we focus on? Our weight. What do we worry about? Our weight and what other people think about us. When we are overweight are we able to fulfill our callings as wife, mom, and church member to the best of our abilities? I can only speak for myself but my weight inhibits every single aspect of my life. Does the Lord love me at the weight that I am? Absolutely! Will he love me any more if I loose weight? Nope. I will be just as important to him if I weigh 1000 lbs or 165. Since weight is such a huge concern to me I know that He is aware of my concerns and they are important to him.
She's right of course. Weight impacts EVERY area of my life--no question, and for that reason it's worth spending whatever energy it takes to resolve this issue in my life. However, I still resent that society makes weight such a big deal. But when I look at my life and the flaws that I'd like to correct--like a tendency to procrastinate and a tendency to underachieve to name just two flaws. I'm sure if I gave the attention to either of these that I do to weight--I'd find that these flaws also impact every single aspect of my life and that correcting them would be just as comprehensive as correcting overeating. If society were comprised of rational beings wouldn't we all be working on different things? Over the office water cooler wouldn't someone be talking about one issue and another about another issue? But no. Every New Year's Day everyone ignores every flaw, except one and goes on a diet.
It makes me angry that I've been overlooked and underestimated my whole life simply because I'm overweight. And boy, oh boy-am I not alone. I know so many fabulous people that have battled through challenges that would make any soldier cry for his mommy, and in the stress of many moments they have overeaten, and that seems to be ALL that anybody sees or values.
Oh well. I like the movie Shallow Hal. It's about a completely shallow guy who falls under a spell so he can only see people based on their inner-beauty. He falls in love with a girl who is huge, but he thinks she's a supermodel. He learns a few things in the end. I like that in the next life we will be valued for who and what we really are.
In the meantime though. I'm not supposed to be comparing myself with others--and I'm certainly not supposed to be envious of them or worry about what the world thinks I'm worth. I only need to work on being better than I am today. If I could only REMEMBER that I think I could let go of the weight more easily. Thanks for the reminder Steph!