PHEW!!! Amazing how things can turn around. It was a difficult and nerve wracking weekend. Would the DI pod come so we could load stuff at Mom's? (yes) Would Christine actually get stuff out of the house? (not really) Would anyone come to help? (YES!)
For a lot of reasons that I don't want to rehash here--lack the energy, and it wouldn't be helpful anyway--I spent Sunday and most of yesterday furious at my sister. I don't like feeling that way. It's exhausting, and negative and worst of all purposeless.
But today is a new day. We got a lot done cleaning-wise at the house, and best of all one of the new owners came by and saw that we were doing it. That's what I really wanted. Mom's house is old and isn't really cleanable anymore because it needs to be re-painted--so you can scrub all you like and it still looks dirty because it's just stained. At least they know we're trying. Whether or not my sister actually loaded everything up in the pod before they took it away this morning I don't know or really care. If they didn't--I'll drop everything I can carry on her front porch and that's the end of that. I feel now, as though the rest of the work is doable and it will be DONE on Friday. This is an enormous elephant weight off my shoulders. Even better today--Dave asked last night if my nephew had school supplies? I told him I wouldn't be surprised if the answer was no. I thought school started next week, but no, it starts tomorrow! Dave is still going to go to SLC and take him shopping. I can't go and I think it's a good thing for them to spend some time together. I'm so blessed to have such a terrific husband! I'd been wondering about that too, but lacked the energy to follow up
What does this have to do with food? Nothing perhaps, except that life has to do with food and emotions definitley do. I think things are slowly healing and improving even though my eating has been weird by diet standards. I AM having meals where I'm eating lightly or not at all. I still have trouble with others---I ate a kids meal for dinner last night and didn't even finish the bag of salt and vinegar chips. After cleaning, I still wasn't hungry, but Dave wanted ice-cream. Well!! My full share of a huge sundae went down no problem. This morning, I WAS hungry and I wanted eggs, bacon, an english muffin, a slice of cheese and milk. Got to work and wasn't the least bit tempted by the monkey bread. I've been reading in the IE book about an experiment where normal men were put on a strict diet for 6 weeks. After the diet, it took them a full 5 months to normalize their eating. IE is definitley working in that I'm thinking about food less, worrying less, and feeling much less compelled to eat the "good stuff" this, to the point where I'm surprised by how little I'm caring about food. On the other hand though--I seem to be reverting to the foods I grew up with--a very German diet, bread, cheese, meat with some fruits and veggies. Perhaps not the greatest diet in the world--although, when I was eating that diet I sure weighed a whole lot less! (Course I was a kid and it was the 1970's). I don't feel thinner. On the contrary, my thighs and bottom feel fat. I think, on the whole, I'm excited---this IS a little different from when I just "gave up" in Iowa. Then I slowly lost 20 lbs. This time, I'm willing to embrace nutrition and exercise--just not at the expense of what I really want. I still don't trust that I'm not engaging in major wishful thinking, but I sense that I'm on the right path and will learn something important here whatever the actual scale results.
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